I am gonna whine a little bit..
So, naturally since I online date for a living, I have the OKCupid app on my smartphone. And I have to tell you, while I like the concept, I HATE their “Locals” feature.
I don’t know if it’s just my phone, but it’s not like I am alerted when someone presses the magic button that they want to meet up with me. (I don’t have an IPhone.) So, great.. I find out 3 hours later that someone had wanted to meet up. And then, I have no way to message the person, because my only option for responding is to ignore the request, or say “I want to meet you too!” (Which, then tells them that I am cool with meeting, and then we can message through a different messaging system within OKCupid.. which still doesn’t alert my phone.)
Why would I click that I would want to meet them without any idea as to where they are suggesting to meet, or what they are suggesting to do? For all I know, I could be agreeing to some orgy without even knowing about it!
The local broadcasts are another story. Someone could put out there that they are at such and such a bar with friends.. and I could see that being cool. But again – make my phone blink or something so I don’t walk into walls while draining my phone battery refreshing the OKCupid app every 5 seconds.
And then – get this! I can’t even turn the damn thing off! I can disable it for a day.. and then I forget about it, and I am at work on break and see that someone wants to meet me. Yeah… at 1:00pm on a Wednesday afternoon.. Fantastic. Why aren’t you at work?!
Anyway, to those of you who have suggested we meet up and I never responded.. I’m sorry. And, OKCupid.. you need to make Locals better.
After conversing with some friends – I decided I should post a list of what I would assume to be common sense.. but apparently is not. These have come about because they have actually happened to either myself, or friends.
1) Don’t tell a female you are not attracted to her, and then get angry when someone else finds her attractive.
2) Don’t show up at your ex-girlfriends house and announce that you are there to hide from another ex-girlfriend.
3) Don’t spend any length of time on a first date explaining how you just filed divorced papers and that your spouse is pissed about it.
3b) Or.. how about don’t go on a first date on the day you file divorce papers.
4) Don’t dump your girlfriend to “try out” the same sex, and then never actually try out the same sex.
5) Don’t make plans with someone, then completely ignore them when they are attempting to finalize the plans. Cancel like a decent human being. (In the words of Velvet – “Everyone has a grandma that has died 700 times.”)
6) Keep your goofy shit to yourself on the first date – i.e nose licking and meowing.
7) If the girl doesn’t order another drink and starts to look at her watch, that is not your cue to order another drink. She’s leaving.
8) After 93 messages back and forth, you either need to ask her out, or fall off the planet.. Either way, make a decision.
9) On a first date, it’s probably not a good idea to bash in a political side when you have no idea what side of the political spectrum your date is on.. cause as luck would have it – it’s most likely opposite to yours and you look like a tool.
10) When you refer to someone as “your date” multiple times, and they correct you every single time — It is NOT a date. Additionally, don’t throw a passive-aggressive tantrum the next day on Facebook.
Let’s keep this list going! I want to hear yours!
Here’s something to ponder… Are there leagues in online dating? I am going to assume that most people think that there are – however, I think I might disagree. (Obviously, my opinion isn’t very solid at this point.. Let’s discuss..)
I guess I have never went read an online dating profile where I have thought to myself “That guy is totally out of my league.. I could never send him a message.” I do say frequently that Super Hot POF Guy is out of my league, because he’s just so dang gorgeous – but it still doesn’t stop me from trying to hang out with him.
What does “out of someone’s league” even mean?
Velvet has a guy she’s been flirting with who recently told her he hasn’t made a move because he thought she was out of his league. Does that just mean he wasn’t really able to pick up on the “signs” that it was okay to proceed? Or does that mean he thinks she deserves better? …Or am I off entirely?
I think someone not being able to pick up on the signs just needs to get a female mind involved. “Oh, she texted you that? She likes you, ask her out.” If it’s a “they deserve better” type of deal – my question is this: Why does anyone think they know what’s best for another person? We are all very unique individuals and I don’t think even we know for ourselves what we need. At least for myself, I know what I wouldn’t be able to handle.. and I know what I think I want.. but – I am often told people in successful relationships didn’t realize their partner was exactly what they needed until they found it. I think deciding for someone else that they deserve better is a cop out and perhaps there are some underlying issues that need to be addressed.
Getting back to leagues regarding online dating – S/he is on an online dating website just like you are. Send a message if you feel so inclined.. If they don’t respond, they don’t respond.. You’re not worse off, right?
A post from Velvet:
So…I have a multi-faceted (schizo in a fun way??) personality. And because of this, I have a varied taste in men. I have a “part” of me who is attracted to the theater/video game/artsy/Renaissance Festival kind of guy. So, when I saw a guy who fit all of those things to a T, I messaged him. He plays violin. He rides a motorcycle. Has been a massage therapist for 12 years. Going back to school for either nursing or physical therapy. You don’t know me, but all of this is PERFECT!
So, we messaged for a while. The chemistry was great. Banter was spot on. A little bit of flirtation, but nothing that made me concerned that this guy was in it just to add a notch to the proverbial bed post.
Well, we met for coffee yesterday. Things were going swimmingly. He caught my eye through the window before I entered the coffee shop and gave me a wink that made my knees wobble. He charmed me with his stories about work and school and such, some pretty geeky stuff-but as I said, I have a deep respect and love for the nerds of the world.
So as we were slurping up the last of our coffees, when he suggested we go to his place to talk some more I didn’t hesitate. Well, I didn’t hesitate much. Middle of the day, he was literally 3 minutes from the coffee shop, I have my own vehicle with me, blah blah blah.
And the weird begins…
We enter his apartment, and there is no living room furniture. Then I remember that he said this is his first place without roommates. Okay, odd-but not a deal breaker. Not everybody’s first stop is Ikea when getting a new apartment.
So, we plant it on the floor, and we are chatting away. He gives me an *awesome* neck and shoulder massage, we are laughing and talking about stuff and nonsense. He pulls out his phone to play me some of the music he has been talking about (I didn’t recognize any of the groups he enjoys) and I commented that I really liked the music.
The next things that happened literally give me goosebumps, and I don’t mean the good kind.
He looks directly into my eyes, and starts to sing along with the music. AT me, not TO me. Remember guys-serenading a girl may be romantic, but timing is everything. This was not the time.
So I mentioned that there was no furniture, right? Well, I was sitting up, hands braced behind me, legs outstretched with my ankles crossed. In one smooth motion, he literally SPRANG from where he was to straddle my lap. What. The. Hell? Before I had time to react to that bit of fun, his mouth was on mine for about 3 seconds, then he LICKED THE END OF MY NOSE, and then? He MEOWED. Yes. Meowed. As in-made the sound a cat makes.
I couldn’t help it-I said, “What the hell was THAT?” And his answer was something about he was enjoying himself so much he felt he had to vocalize it or some strange crap…I think I blocked it from my mind because I was so completely creeped out.
So, I muttered something about having to leave, as I wiggled out from under him and grabbed my purse and keys and shoes, and got the hell out of there.
Halfway home? Text message thanking me for a “delightful” time.
So I immediately texted Cat Lady… “Two words. He meowed.”
Seriously folks, you can’t make this shit up!!!
