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No Strings Attached Fun

28 Aug

“Hey, I’m going to be out right with you, I’m looking for NSA fun. I’ve met with various women from here and we’ve all had a lot of fun 😉 and they’ve had multiple screaming and moaning orgasms. Would you be interested in such? I guarantee you’ll have a lot of fun ;)”

Oh.. My.. God..

Gentlemen of the internet –  DID YOU KNOW.. that you can narrow your search down on OKCupid for women specifically looking for casual sex?   If not, Merry Christmas.   If so – why do you send these types of messages to girls who are not looking for casual sex?

Secondly, and really I can only speak for myself, I’m sorry, but the fact that you find “various women” on OKCupid who are okay with sleeping with just anyone is even more reason for me to not be interested.   Even YOU don’t know where they’ve been.   However, I don’t really believe that claim anyway.

I believe that if a female is looking for a frisky good time, she could easily find what she is looking for without having to resort to the internet.

Take it to Craigslist casual encounters, would ya?  (Oh wait – that site doesn’t work either, huh?)

Don’t Fall for Form Letters!

27 Aug

Guys – if it worked once, it doesn’t mean it will work again and again.   The following message is very nice – but it could be sent to anyone.

“Hi, You have a very nice profile. Just wanted to compliment you on that. And yes I do have to admit that you have exquisite looks, specially your eyes are very attractive and you have a distinctly sensual smile.. What I liked about your profile is that it is honest and reflects your depth and intelligence.. a rare combination of beauty and brains I must say.. It is a privilege to have found you here 🙂 Have a great day…”

I know..  I know.. “But CatLady – what if it isn’t a form letter?”   It is.   He sent this to a profile of mine that has bare minimum information – and my photos on this one are all more artistic in nature, and I am not smiling in any of them.  And – the profile that “is honest and reflects my depth and intelligence”?  .. It lists my interests as “Going out” and “Staying In.”  — Don’t get me wrong, I am deep and intelligent – just not on this profile.

Superheroes and Princesses.

26 Aug

“Let me be ur hero ;)”

I know what he was trying to do – but this guy was not anywhere near as sexy as Enrique Inglesias – and even if he was, only Enrique can get away with this line.

“Hmm… will you wear a cape?”

“Sure.. anything for my princess :)”

Oh gag me..

“1) I am NOT your Princess.
2) That’s not very Superhero-like to think so.”

“As a hero i must make u my princess”

I am going to make an educated guess that I have more knowledge about comic book heroes than he does.  I don’t believe even once Superman, or Batman or Spiderman “made the damsel in distress his princess.”  Girlfriend?  Maybe.. but definitely not Princess.   From what I understand of that rule is that in order to make someone your Princess, you yourself have to be a Prince.

“What Superhero are you.. Mario?”

“Yup 🙂 here to save peach”

“Get a 1up.”

Psh..  Mario isn’t a Superhero.

Clueless

25 Aug

I love having personal friends trying their luck at the Online Dating Game with me!   Velvet has been back on the OKCupid scene for a short while now, and we compare stories and notes constantly.   People at our work think we are absolutely insane.

For the record –  Velvet and I are 10 years apart in age, so our dating pools are quite different.. Not to mention we have very different tastes in men.   But- she was showing me a profile of a guy she was talking to – and even I had to admit he wasn’t bad to look at.

A few days later when we were hanging out, she mentioned that while she kept hinting to him to ask her out, via text..  He wasn’t biting.  While they were literally texting back and forth,  I decided to see if I could help the cause and logged into MY account and sent him the following message:

“Ask. Her. Out.”

“Huh? Who??”

Oh my gosh, the girl you are texting, Dumbass!  I decided to ignore the message and let him attempt to figure it out on his own.  I must have broke his brain, because 20 minutes later I got another message from him:

“Please explain what you mean.  I don’t understand your cryptic message.”

I know the words “Ask her out” are hard to grasp.. so, let me help all you other confused gentlemen out there:  It is NOT the girl’s job to ask you out.  It’s your job to ask US out.  We can ask you out – we don’t want to.   Deal with it.

Anyway- a few days later – he did ask her out.   Between their schedules (they work opposite shifts..)  they were able to schedule something for 2014..   Hopefully I won’t be doing this long enough to let you know how it goes.

BUT WAIT..  THERE’S MORE!

Just tonight, Velvet informed me she got a random text message from this gentleman:

“Think my cialis is kickin in…”

Don’t worry though..  5 minutes later he then sent “LOL”  making that statement completely normal.  Shoot – guys text me about their erectile dysfunction all the time.  

Velvet is going to be postponing that date..

The Mystery Date

24 Aug

As you all know, I signed up for Tawkify because it sounded really neat.   I have had a few phone dates, all of which pretty much went nowhere fast.  But Ladies and Gentlemen, I can now cross “Tawkify Mystery Date” off of my bucket list.

If you have any balls whatsoever to do this – I would very much recommend it.  Tawkify, even if they aren’t in your area, plans the whole thing.  You just show up. Honestly, activity speaking:  Hands down most unique and fun date I have ever been on.

When I was informed they were scheduling my Mystery Date, my personal matchmaker informed me that my date did not look like Clark Gable.   I was instructed to bring an envelope – and my date would have a card for said envelope.   So,  I went to our meet-up place looking for a non-Clark Gable lookalike carrying a card of some sort.   I found the man with the card, and sure enough –  Definitely no resemblance to Clark Gable.

We then had to text our matchmaker to find out our next instructions.  “Find a pen and write the following message in the card..”   Luckily, I had predicted needing a pen, so that was easy.  Mystery Date (MD.. no, he wasn’t a doctor..) and I discussed who we thought this birthday card was going to.  We decided it was going to E. Jean Carroll (the mastermind behind Tawkify), so – we may not have exactly followed the instructions on what to write on the card.

Next step,  walk a block away to the local Lawn Bowling club, where we had been signed up to play.  The loser would be responsible for mailing off the birthday card.   Lucky for me (and Tawkify – because I never would have sent it),  MD was even worse at lawn bowling than I was – and we found out that the birthday card was being sent to a celebrity.

Would I go on another Tawkify Mystery Date?   Absolutely.  What I especially enjoyed about it was that I was pretty much guaranteed to meet an extrovert – which I did.   The Online Dating pool does seem to be introverted when it comes to guys.  Don’t get me wrong – that’s probably what I need, being an extrovert myself..  but it’s nice to meet someone who has the guts to go on an ultimate blind date, set up by near strangers.

What are you waiting for?   Go do it!  I promise you’ll have fun!

You’re Not Sharing Me With Anyone!

23 Aug

Correct me if I am wrong, but – if a girl wants more than one guy, shouldn’t she be the one seeing if someone is comfortable with that, and not the other way around?

“Would you be willing to date a guy who was open to sharing u with another guy?”

So, let me get this straight.. He already thinks I am too much to handle?  This message is offensive.   Does he have the other guy already in mind?  Either way,  absolutely not.   I think it’s okay to casually go out on dates with how many ever people you want,  but if you’re going to be any sort of physical,  one at a time.  Call me old fashioned in that regard.

I feel like this doofus could be suggesting so many different things..  I did respond back “What?” to the message, but have yet to hear a response.   If it is any bit entertaining,   I will certainly follow up.

 

Boobs.

22 Aug

For the record, this is not a message that came to me, personally.. but it has been something I have been meaning to blog about, and when I got a request from a Twitter buddy today – I figured it was time.

“What’s up with those pics with your tits hanging out? Are you a whore?”

Guys –  obviously girls have boobs..  that’s half the reason you like us to begin with.   What you may or may not already know is this:   Girls don’t get a say in the size of boobs they have, unless they have them surgically altered, which costs a lot of money.   From what I understand,  if a girl’s rack has been surgically altered,(at least in the case of making them bigger..)  I hear they are very eager to share that information.  (I wouldn’t know, personally.)

Unless we dress like nuns, I am sorry – there is going to be some cleavage.  This does not make us whores.  This doesn’t make us easy.   Clothes (summer clothes especially) are not designed to keep us entirely covered.

When using an online dating photo as indication if a girl would be “DTF” or not,  err on the side of doubt.   Unless the girl is pictured literally in her bra, bending over,  pushing the girls together making the most seductive face you’ve ever seen – likely she isn’t necessarily on OKCupid for the sheer purpose of getting laid.    If you do see said photo –  I would reverse google search that puppy, cuz you’re probably dealing with a spam bot.

Behave yourself – or we will resort to dressing like nuns.  ALL of us.   Right, girls?

 

Wait Time

21 Aug

This came up because of two messages I got on POF the other day…  but, how long are you supposed to wait to hear back from someone you’ve messaged before deciding to cut your losses?

This guy, for instance.. not very patient..  He first sent:

“Hello beautiful….”

..and when I didn’t respond TWO HOURS LATER, he sent:

“Guess not…lol :-)”

Geez – sorry for not living, eating and breathing POF..  He wasn’t too far off though,  as you all know, I don’t respond to that sort of stuff.  (Guys, girls get 30 messages a day that say exactly “Hello beautiful..”  or “How are you tonight?”   Unless we don’t have a life – don’t expect a response unless you are the most attractive man on the planet.. (i.e Super Hot POF Guy.. who is even hotter in person, for the record..))

But – nevertheless, this got me thinking.  I had been chatting with another friend and he gives girls a week to respond to his message before moving on.  A WEEK!?   Dude.. if I am going to message someone back, it will usually be within a day.  Maybe two if I am super busy.   In the unofficial Twitter poll I took today,  1 – 2 days was about par for the course in how long it takes people to respond.

A few people did mention though that they wait as to not seem overeager. This absolutely boggles my mind..  You’re on a website to meet people, and you don’t respond right away because you don’t want to scare someone off?  Wouldn’t that be the equivalent of going to a bar.. and when a cute girl asks you a question, walking away to return a half hour later to see if she still wants to talk?  I’m so confused.

Additionally – is this why I am going to turn into a crazy cat lady.. because I am too eager?   Honestly – I would say I generally message back within 5 hours.. usually right upon receipt, if I am going to.   If I have been online and it’s been 24 hours,  I am probably not going to respond.

Let’s discuss, interwebs.  I know there are “rules” for waiting to call and all that nonsense.. are there really rules for how long it should take you to write back to an online dating message?!

A Little Too Strong

19 Aug

Sending a message such as the following really isn’t a good idea.   It’s really only going to work if the person on the receiving end is desperate.. and really, guys, you don’t want a desperate girl.

“Your mesmerizing eyes make my heart mve. Your loving smile, and the flowy hair can make any guy crazy. The gentle skin on that curvy body is so hard to resist. The full body make me wonder what your hidden parts may be like. Your style is unique and effervescent. Meeting you would fulfill my dreams.”

Come on,  this is sweet things you say after you have actually fallen for someone… except normal guys still don’t say it.   More along the lines of “You’re really pretty.”  maybe, or “I like looking into your eyes.”   Sweet enough for a normal girl to melt.

So, when you send a message like this – and the target does not respond.. I would highly suggest NOT sending a 2nd message that sounds like this:

“I am studying taxation. I live alone in a studio apartment, and really cant wait for you to visit me here. Your body is so soft and endearing, cant help undressing you in my mind. The sexual energy in your eyes is calling for someone to hold you hard and take youcompletely. Your flowy hair suggests your carefree nature and your desire to be loved and licked all over. Cant wait to lick you all over.”

..Because now you are uber creepy.

OKCupid Questions

18 Aug

Excuse me..  What?

“Your question section has me masturbating rite now”

First of all,  don’t tell a girl this.  Ever.   Or – at least until you are dating her and you know if she’s okay with that information.   Strangers on the internet??  Not needed information.

Second of all,  WHAT?!   I would maybe understand a bit more had he have been “choking the chicken” to some photos… but to my multiple choice answers on OKCupid?   Now that’s just a little weird.  Well, maybe not.. I am fascinating.  <– Sarcasm, for the record.

 

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