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Why Girls Don’t Make the First Move

19 Sep

Before reading, you must be sure you are familiar with Super Hot POF Guy.

Despite what I had thought originally,  Super Hot POF Guy’s insanely attractive good looks did not bring out the extra awkward in me.   The first time we met for drinks, I was slightly guarded, since meeting people off the internet is scary sometimes.  But, the 2nd time (a month later) was fine –  I got to look at his gorgeous face, and we conversed very easily about a wide variety of topics. (Which oddly enough, included silk bed sheets…  so I feel like there was flirtation involved.)  But-  nothing happened..

So, another month later, when I was invited to a baseball game with two other couples.. I decided I really had nothing to lose by asking Super Hot POF Guy to accompany me.   The phone call itself was nerve-wracking,  and I spoke fast and I know I also said, “This doesn’t have to be a date.”   (Guys:  If a girl seems awkward asking.. even if she says it’s not a date:  It’s a date.)  Super Hot POF Guy agreed to go.  Yes!  Now at very least, I had a good reason to get my picture taken with him!   (I also want to throw out there that there wasn’t silence in between meeting him and calling him..  just so I don’t look like a huge freak.)

Remember a long time ago when I told you that girls plan out everything?  True to form, I came up with a brilliant plan.

We got to the game, found our group, took our photo and settled in.  “Oh,  just a warning, Super Hot POF Guy..  if that kiss cam points in our direction, I WILL be attacking your face.”   I figured saying something as such would a) give me permission to attack his face if the kiss cam made an appearance, or at very least b) give him an open invitation.    What I had failed to consider was this response:  “My girlfriend might have a problem with that.”  

Well, geez.. THAT wasn’t uncomfortable AT ALL.

You will be pleased to know that the kiss cam, luckily, did not point in our direction.   But the rest of the game certainly got a little awkward, as well as the walk back to the car, and the ride home.

…And that’s why it will be awhile before I will grow another set of balls and make the first move again.

 

***After a few Twitter comments, I feel the need to clarify:  I don’t think Super Hot POF Guy is a douche-bag.  I think it’s commendable that he put a stop to anything happening…  AND – I did tell him it wasn’t a date…  I think it’s just more hilarious that I always tend to get myself in awkward situations.

Flowery and Complimentary

18 Sep

“Normally when I write someone i try to be all flowery and complimentary, but you have a snake in one of your pictures. it freaked me out. Thought that was something that you needed to know.”

Uhh…. Thank you?

Actually, if this guy lived anywhere in proximity to me, I probably would have responded to this message..    It did make me laugh.   But – only going with a message based on pictures is not the brightest idea.

Guys – in a first message – you don’t need to tell a girl you find her attractive.  That’s a given because you messaged her.. (Well, most of the time, anyway..)   Again, go with the conversation and keep her engaged..  that will indicate to her that if she agrees to meet up with you,  you guys will have something to talk about!

Let’s Talk about Twitter

16 Sep

I freaking love the Twitter..   You learn so much more about a person through what they tweet about, and how they interact with the world in 140 characters than you do reading a bio.   The bio on OKCupid (or POF) is someone awkwardly sitting at their computer, trying to dig deep into themselves to put their best foot forward.   People on Twitter (well, active users anyway..)  talk and converse about interesting things.  And there’s no pressure.

I would like to propose the concept of finding someone who fascinates you, who you don’t get to see a lot of pictures of.   I have two pretty big Twitter crushes (one slightly more prominent than the other), and sadly these guys are not in my area..   but, even so, I know that I’d be very comfortable meeting up with them.  (As well as a few others on Twitter that I am not Twitter-crushing on. – And for those of you who follow my Twitter closely, I will not be confirming or denying anything…)

I think OKCupid should have an option to allow your twitter feed to show on your profile.   (Granted –  for me – I’d have to use my personal Twitter to stay anonymous, and that one is not nearly as fun as my CatLady Twitter..)

Here’s an example:   Those of you who closely follow my Twitter know who I consider to be my Twitter boyfriend.  (Those of you who don’t will just have to follow me on Twitter.)  I have had the opportunity to see his OKCupid profile, and of course, I follow him on Twitter as well.    His OKC profile gives a nice summary of things he finds interesting, but based on his Twitter account – I know that he is passionate about programming.  He could easily write on his profile that he is passionate about programming, but his Twitter account makes me understand the passion.  (He does it for work, and for fun on the weekends.)

If I didn’t follow him on Twitter, I wouldn’t know that he orders out for every meal of the day, and I certainly wouldn’t know how easy it is to make him digitally squirm.  (Teeheehee!)  If his Twitter feed were on his OKCupid profile,  someone interested would be able to grasp a bit more of his personality, and maybe understand that he will spend a lot of time being a nerdy programmer.  Certainly would save a girl lot of time if that would be a deal-breaker.

I have always said I’m more apt to find a boyfriend via Twitter than an online dating website.    (Too bad he lives so far away… haha!  Kidding, Twitter Boyfriend..)

So – anyway…  OKCupid – you are welcome for my genius idea.

 

Conversation Starters

15 Sep

Geez – the 23 year olds must be on the prowl this week!   I got a message from a 23 year old who’s ideal first date would be “Laser tag, duh.”

“Seedless watermelon, how do they do it!?”

Well – great question.. Ask the Google – how am I supposed to know?

However, his message did make me laugh… and at least it beats “Hey, whats up?” which drives me nuts.   But, alas, I know not the answer he seeks.

“Do I look like a seedless watermelon expert to you?”

I have yet to hear back.  He has the right idea, though.

Everyone online dating is fine, and if they aren’t fine or great – you probably don’t want to know.   Getting someone talking about something is a great way to get the conversation started.  Preferably something they might know a little bit about.. shots in the dark won’t necessarily work in your favor.

Mmm… Seedless watermelon…  I gotta go.

I Don’t Want to See Your Pussy

14 Sep

Fellow online daters:   What the crap is your deal with posting photos of your cats and dogs?   (Or your car, or your food.. etc. etc. etc. – for that matter.)   Last I checked, I was online to find a person, not a cat –  however, word on the street is I may be in that market soon.

I get it – you have animals.  Great!  Take your photo with your pet.  (And if you really want to get me purring:  Read and do this.)   I don’t need to see 3 pictures of Rover when you have only one of yourself, sporting your sunglasses.   I think you are missing the point.  I will admit – on my profile – I have a photo of myself holding a snake.  It’s not mine, it’s Velvet’s..  but, it’s on there to show you how bad ass I am… and to make awesome “That’s What She Said” jokes.

Online dating websites are NOT Facebook.   If we get to talking,  I may be okay with seeing Rover if we become Facebook friends.. because that is the avenue for people to be obnoxious with those kinds of photos.

So, just leave your pussies and cocks off of online dating, okay?   Both literally and figuratively.

Cougar Town

13 Sep

I have often mentioned my friend Velvet in my posts, and she has guest blogged a few times as well.   Obviously she is doing the online dating thing too.

Before I show you the message she got,  I think it’s important to also tell you that there is a 10 year age gap between Velvet and myself.    I am considered to be in my “mid to late twenties..”  and much to her disliking,  she is the older of the two of us.   (I act older though, right Velv?)

So,  Velvet received the following message:

“Hi Cutie!!! I’m Zach, I’m 23, and just got back into diapers after my mom found out I wet my bed :/ what’s up!?!…”

For starters..  23 is too young for me.  Yikes.  (Alright, alright… I’m an age snob, I know… but seriously..)    But – is he trying to be funny?   If so, he was not successful.   Was he trying to make it obvious that he understood the major age gap?

Does anyone understand this??

Furthermore.. would anyone respond to this?!

OKCupid Questions – A Rant

12 Sep

We need to talk about OKCupid match questions again.

As you may, or may not know..  OKCupid users create the questions that you can answer on the website.   There are literally thousands of them.   I don’t think it’s humanly possible to get through them all, not that you’d want to.   Some of the questions are just bizarre.

Anyway – I know I have brought this specific question up months ago.. but I feel the need to rant about it again.

Men of the interwebs..  If you answer the OKCupid Question:

“Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?”

with YES…  you are the biggest tool on the planet.

Let me clarify:  I am not against shaved legs.  Not in the slightest.  You can prefer me to shave my legs on a consistent basis all you want..  but by no means am I obligated to do so..  and if you so think that I am obligated to do so,  I’m calling it off.    The question doesn’t ask your preference, it asks if you think women are obligated to do so.  — And, quite honestly, if I managed to fall in love with someone who felt I was obligated to shave my legs…  I would be very quick to inform him that he is also obligated to shave his legs.   None of this “double standard” shit.

By now it should be quite clear that I don’t take highly people obligating me to do things.   The only thing in life that I am obligated to do is breathe and pay taxes.

On my quest for love online, I am looking for a partner.  Someone who isn’t going to force me to do anything, and will support my decisions for me, even if the opinion differs from their own.   But, apparently, that is going to turn me into an 80 year old lady with 17 cats.   Go figure.

 

What a Stupid Question.

11 Sep

I promise you all that I am way hotter in your head than I am in real life.

“Hey does it turn you on knowing I’d love to get you naked?”

Honestly, guys..  there is no reason to ask this question.   The answer is “No.”    Unless you are Ryan Reynolds,  Adam Levine, or someone insanely attractive and famous.   ​  Random stranger on the internet, you are one of many who would love to get me (and any other female internet dating) naked.   You’re wired to want to put your stick in to just about everything… something of which I personally will never understand.  In my defense, you will also probably never understand my quest for emotional attachment.  (I am not talking to ALL guys here.. I am talking about the ones who clearly want to have sex with anything with boobs.)

Once again, I will remind you all that OKCupid is not the avenue for this kind of stuff, as a general rule.    Try Adult Friend Finder.. Really, though, if you want to get in a girl’s pants.. you gotta woo her.  Try it sometime.

Not Scary at All

10 Sep

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for love, I can tell you I don’t have any interest. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you setup a date and have sex with me, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”

I can only hope that this guy really just has some sick twisted humor and he isn’t serious..  but, this sort of stuff is not cool.   No girl should need to feel threatened on the internet.

Safety is a big deal when it comes to the internet, folks.   Sure, I meet a lot of people from OKCupid, and have met two of POF..  but, I make sure I have safety measures in place.   1)  Google Voice.  No one is getting my real number until I am secure in them not being a wack-job.   GV gives me full control.   2)  Making sure a friend knows where I am, and does a check in – either by phone, or showing up at the place.   And if for some reason a friend is not available,  3) Carry a gun.  No one needs to know how bad-ass you are,  unless there is a need for you to be bad-ass.

(For the record – I am understanding this dude’s message to be a movie quote.. Nevertheless – inappropriate.)

I Need Your Expertise

9 Sep

No funny message today, but figured since I tend to get a fair amount of comments, I could ask you all for your advice.

The problem is this:   When I go out on OKCupid dates, or what have you..  The date ends and I either like the person enough to at least go out again, or I have no interest what-so-ever.   Sometimes I fall in the middle, but I’m not asking about those times.

And this is what happens almost no-fail, everytime:     CatLady had a nice time and would be interested in going out again..   Date either falls off the planet or lets her know he isn’t interested.    OR:   CatLady really isn’t interested, and Date is pretty much in love with CatLady and won’t leave her alone.   (For the record, if I am kind-of “Not sure, I could take it or leave it..”,  I generally hear from the person again.)

I very rarely get passed the “first date.”

I guess my question is.. How does a female indicate she had a nice time, and is interested in hanging out again, without being the one to have to make “the move” – and without being overly invested?  (Hey, I get it – sometimes he’s just not interested..)   I also want to clarify, when I AM interested in seeing the person again, I don’t think I am psycho about it..  Maybe I’m too nonchalant?

Tips.. Advice.. Anything… GO!

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