Soon2BeCatLady

Gotta love OKCupid instant message:

“you look good”

“Thanks.”

“i mean it tho”

Okay – unless a girl is rejecting your comment – you do not need to specify that it is sincere.  Really, all that did was make me question his sincerity.

“I assumed so much.. most people don’t waste their time with sarcastic remarks regarding looks.”   (Key phrase: most people.)

Things then very quickly became intense:

“i want to be your friend I need your friendship”

“Oh really? Why’s that?”

“well you no you have some rare and incredible look I believe you could be a good person. and i need someone like that”

Okay- for the record – I don’t have some “rare and incredible look.”   That is absolutely ridiculous.  I humored him for a few minutes, and he then gave me his phone number – which I am not going to do anything with and even told him so much.

Later that night, I had a message from him:

“hey you hot Im falling for you ok even if it does not work we could b friend.. falling for you ok…. you look is incredible with a lot of charm …what are your favorite foods?
Doh..”

D’oh is right.

There are definitely messages out there that guys come up with (or steal)  that will work to get a response more often than not.  (This one, for example..)   A new twitter friend also recently informed me that the Adoption post from earlier this week is also one that is known to get responses.   (Ladies, we need to watch for this crap!)

Although I can’t find anything when I google search this,  this is another prime example of a form letter that will work to get a response:

“I have to be honest with you. I should be working right now but my intern was asking me about online dating and I decided to show him pof. While showing him the site, I came across your profile. He’s currently laughing at me for writing this but I had to say hi.

You should definitely email me back, if only to make me look good in front of my intern. What do ya say?”

I gave him a mere “Clever.”  as a response, and haven’t responded to his messages since then…  because, contrary to popular belief (or, because my profile states otherwise..) I am not on the East Coast.   I don’t need to be wasting anyone’s time.

I haven’t had much time to research “The Pickup Artist”  where some of these messages are coming from.. but I will be doing so, and expect a rant when I do.

Velvet here..

“Um,.. hi, My name is Mark and set up this profile thingey never to meet anyone unless they were bhave as hell and it was designed for diasster with any normal dickweed delinquent like yourself.  According to our judges yuo have won the Marko LOTTO!!!”

I love that he can spell delinquent, but disaster is another story… but, is he really calling me a “normal dickweed delinquent?”    That sentence doesn’t really make any sense.

Lucky lucky lucky me!

“you lookin purdy damn hot. let me take you to my cabin and poor some budlight on that body 😉 We’ll git er dun”

First of all – don’t even get me started on “git er dun.”   I can’t stand it.

I cannot possibly be the only female on the planet who isn’t really a fan of getting beer poured all over her.   I am trying to determine if he meant the budlight bath to cool me off, or to attempt to sound sexy.   Either way, I am pretty sure that would be considered alcohol abuse.

I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I should be responding to more of the stupid messages I get, because they make for great stories.  (I will note that this is on my out of town page that I request a big strong man capable of mowing my lawn and shoveling my driveway..)

“Hey wanna chat?”

“About?”

“About what you want to do on our first date.”

“That’s a little bold, don’t you think?”

“Not really. This is a dating site we are both on”

“Just because two people are on a dating website doesn’t necessarily mean they will date.”

(Especially if they live a handful of states away..)

“You are absolutely correct, but wouldn’t you like to go on a date with an older successful man who can shovel snow and mow lawns or hire mexicans to do either?”

Wow…. I made an executive decision at this point to stop wasting my time, and his for that matter, and didn’t respond.

“I hope I didn’t offend you. You are not mexican are you? I love mexicans, by the way. The truth is we should go on a date because I think you’re very cute.”

I don’t really understand asking people their ethnicity when they have photos of themselves up.  I am practically albino with how pale skinned I am.. there is no need to ask me if I am Mexican, I am clearly not.

I still didn’t respond.. I don’t need to be called fat or ugly when I turn him down, because I certainly am not taking a plane ride to meet this charmer.

“Where have you gone, my little tulip? Where fore art thou?”

Haha – now he thinks he is a master of the English language..  that’s cute.

I guess I have never looked into adoption before, but I have a feeling it’s a bit more complex than what this guy realizes.  I guess on the plus side:  I’m adorable?

“You’re adorable. I’m adopting you as my little sister so we can drink kool-aid and climb trees. Afterwards we can star in a commercial about how awesome adoption is and you can give a really sad face to the camera but then I come around the corner with a pitcher of kool-aid and your smile turns into a party.”

Oh so very random.   I am pretty sure I didn’t join OKCupid, PlentyOfFish or any other dating website gain an adopted older brother.. especially since I am in what most people consider my late twenties.  Besides, I already have a brother.. I certainly don’t need another one.

Adopt me as your girlfriend, change kool-aid to alcohol and climbing trees to almost anything else,  and I’d probably be willing to close the deal..  Even with the commercial.