Why You Don’t Get “No Thanks” in Online Dating

5 Jun

I will warn you ahead of time.. I am really cranky while writing this… for no reason in particular.   I will go on record and say I consider myself batshit crazy today – but the good news is:  I understand that my mood swings of today are irrational.

Anyway…

I am sick and tired of guys complaining to me that the girls not interested in them while online dating don’t write back and say “No thank you.”

1)  Girls get WAY more messages than guys – most of us have lives and jobs.   Responding to every message on here would make online dating a full time job.

2) I have done this – and I get whiny responses back, or other times mean responses back telling me that I am a bitch for not giving them a chance.   If you guys would accept “No, but thank you for your time.”  It might just happen more often.

Every now and again though,  I will respond back if I am not interested with a reason why.   Take this form letter for example:

“Hi! how is your weekend going so far? I’m enjoying the break after a long week of work, and its actually sunny today which has been nice. We’ve been having a lot of rainy weekends it seems.
Well I don’t do this online dating thing much but I liked what I read and thought I would introduce myself.
I really love music, and the simple things in life, I don’t need a huge house or a bunch of possesions to be happy. I just enjoy being oustside or with my family, around a bonfire, going to see a movie or sitting at home.
I really dislike judgemental people and I try to see the good in everyone or at least see things from someone elses perspective. I’m very giving and trusting, so I can be pretty gullable at times.
I’m just looking for that chance to meet somone who could be my best friend and more, who can teach me more about myself and more about them. Whoa that got heavy there for a second lol, simply put if you want to know more message me and lets talk. 🙂 Have a great rest of the weekend!”

There were several reasons, form letter aside, that I didn’t want anything to do with this guy.

1)  He doesn’t need a huge house or a bunch of “possesions” to be happy.   Although I don’t think I have a lot of possessions,  I do already own a relatively large house.

2)  This man didn’t have a photo..

3)  I even went and read his profile –  he doesn’t want children.

So,  because I felt in a polite mood in my mood swing of a day, I responded:

“I’m sorry – your lack of desire to have children is a deal-breaker for me.  Best of luck.”

“Could have just said no thanks, but thank god for small graces, I dodged a bullet thanks to you coming out and saying
hey I’m judgemental and I look down on you because of you’re “Lack” of desire to have children.

Way to showcase all the propaganda you’ve been fed by the media. You fit the dreamless woman “breeder” paradigm to a T.

Lmao, what a joke.”

Had this user not have been deleted for probably harassing some other person – he would have gotten a mouthful (screenful?) from me.

So – women aren’t allowed to want children anymore without being brainwashed by the media?!   I am sorry- but what the fuck is that all about?   Now, I know as well as everyone else should know that women hold the power in the baby making decisions.   It is way easier for a woman to sneakily get pregnant than it is for a man to sneakily not get her pregnant.    I know full well that if someone does NOT want kids, I am not going to change their mind.   I also know full well that no one will change my mind on wanting kids.   Why was me telling someone I don’t want a relationship with them judgmental?  I never said I looked down upon him for not wanting kids – but I am also not going to waste my time.   That is NOT wrong.

This man right here, among others, is the reason you guys don’t get your “Sorry, I’m not interested.”  messages.   Deal with it, or get out.

….And inhale….

A Lesson in Complimenting Girls

4 Jun

For those of you who don’t follow me on Twitter….  Why don’t you follow me on Twitter?!  Get on that: @Soon2BeCatLady

Okay – oops.. For those of you who don’t follow me on Twitter – you missed my live tweeting of a conversation I was having on OKCupid.     May this be a lesson to all of you in how NOT to “compliment” girls:

“Hello!  Are you replacing your siding in june or procrastinating that?”    (For the record:  my page lists that I am replacing the siding on my house..  Basically,  I am looking for all the free assistance I can.)

“Weather permitting next weekend.”

“great!  Are the pictures that you posted old ones?”

“Why would you ask something like that?”

“hard to believe that you are [your age] from those pictures.  and i dont think you have a used up body“

“Well, thank you.  I moreso put that to be funny.”

“oh, i didn’t get the humor then”

“Apparently listing “curvy” means overweight”

“you look chubby not overweight to me”

Okay – hold the phone for a minute.   WHAT!?   Duuuuude.. I am actually talking to you.   This is probably a rare moment for you..  Why would you say something like that.   Guys:  Even if it were true.. being called “chubby” is not a compliment, unless you are 6 months old.

“Wow. That is not a compliment.”

“being honest”   (After having a chance to cool down a bit – I am sure he does think I am chubby.. because according to his pictures, he is a toothpick.   Just about every girl on the planet is probably chubby to him.  Also – he has only been in the United States for a year, and he does come from a country that downgrades women..)

“May I ask about your job?”

“No.”

“May ask about your hobbies?”

“No.”

“may i shut up and close the chat?”

“Yes.”

“anyway by chubby i meant it in a positive way not otherwise, sorry if hurt your feelings”

…

“chubby 563 up, 314 down girl: not fat or skinny, most likely to be toned but with just some extra curves, can most times be cute.”

“urban dictionary meaning of chubby”

Okay – did he really urban dictionary “chubby” to attempt to back pedal!?

“Good luck with your life! bye”

Well Wishes For the Future

3 Jun

It always makes me laugh when someone turns angry and mean after a few messages back and forth, when I have told them I don’t believe I am interested.. or that they have yet to pass my pre-screening tests and therefore I am not comfortable meeting up.    I’ve been told my pictures are probably outdated and that I’m probably really fat.   I’ve been told I am probably “only good for a blindfolded blowjob anyway”.. and sadly so many others.

Some people really don’t like being turned down.   The reason for the mean comments is because this is the internet, and although there usually are pictures..  some people don’t understand there is an actual person on the other end.   I believe that in real life this doesn’t happen when people are kindly turned down.

Today’s message is one of those..  except, to me – doesn’t seem as mean as others I have received in the past..  but again, is really funny to me.  (And honestly – probably true!)

“by the time you eventually leave this site you will be undergoing menopause. “

A look on the bright side though:   He thinks I will eventually leave the site!  There’s hope for me!!

Noted.

2 Jun

For all of us to stow away for future reference if needed:

“To be honest, I think you should know that I don’t make love. I fuck. Hard. If you want to be ravished, I can help you.”

While I think I understand why that may eventually be an important factor to know, the fact that people message this to complete strangers on a dating website will continue to floor me.

What this guy is failing to consider is that maybe I am not looking to be ravished (which reading my profile, or even this blog would indicate as such) but instead looking for a meaningful connection.   I think the question that is deep in my soul right now is:   Do these messages ever get responses from real people?   I think I would love to see this guy’s responses.   I would guess most responses are angry ones.   But-  maybe I am wrong.   I bet I would be entertained by it nonetheless.

Romance is dead, folks..  Romance is dead.

Beautiful Ass

1 Jun

“If u know English

U have beautiful ass”

I am not quite sure why anyone who visits my online dating profile would think for one moment that I didn’t know English, considering the profile itself is in English..  but I cannot possibly believe that I am the only person who finds his command over the language quite hilarious.

Also – my ass is nowhere to be found on my dating profile.  Hmm…

E-Harmony

31 May

#31 is off the market ya’ll,  he found his woman on EHarmony (and she’s awesome).  So.. I signed up for  free communication weekend on EHarmony this past weekend..  and I don’t get it at all.   Well – scratch that.. I get it.. but I think it’s stupid.

From what I understand,  I didn’t have full access to the site on this free trial, which bugs me.   I am not going to pay $30/month for something that I don’t get to test-drive the features.  (Of course, it’s cheaper if you commit to longer,  but why would someone commit to longer when they don’t understand it!?)    So, keep in mind – in this opinion piece –  I am definitely not fully informed.

What I disliked about EHarmony:

1)  There seems to be no browsing feature (which was confirmed by #31).   As you may know from reading my blog, I have a tendency of finding people I know on these sites.   The fact that I can’t quick browse through and see if there is anyone I wouldn’t want seeing me on there, is a pretty clear cut deal-breaker.  I did not add any photos to my profile on my free weekend, and I used an alias name.

2) Apparently over the weekend I had 51 matches.  I have absolutely no idea why these people were listed as matches for me.  Yeah yeah..  “27 layers of whatever.”   No.. I want to know specifically why these people were listed for me.

3) The matches are sorted alphabetically – and there appears to be no way to get rid of them.   So – anytime there was anyone new, I had to scroll through my list of 51 people, and see where the little red “NEW” light was.   This was uber-annoying.    It also only lists the names as well, so in order to see if these people are even attractive, you have to click their name.

4)  Free communication?  Yeah, not really.  I couldn’t actually message people.  I could go through the guided communication, which I understand from a business standpoint.  But,  it doesn’t really make it clear how that process works.  Great, I answered some questions for some guy and checked 5 to send back.   Nothing went further than that..   I don’t get it.

 

So – yeah… If I were to think about paying for online dating,  I am pretty sure EHarmony would be out.     Feel free to try and convince me otherwise.

If You’re Going to Make Shit Up..

30 May

If you are going to make shit up..  you need to make it believable.

“Hey how`s your week flowing? I was looking up “fish” recepes for a friendly get together im having soon , and then suddenly realized, what site i`ve now stumbled across!! makes sense in a way, as I`ve recently turned single atm, Weird, and have now ended up on here!!!! haha so technically, you`re the first person im talking too!! make a good impression!”

Looking up fish recipes and wound up creating a full-blown profile on Plenty of Fish?   I did look at his profile, and it was lengthy enough where I didn’t believe for one second any of the nonsense above.

“I call B.S.”      (So much for a good impression, eh?)

“thats true.. just testing… fail..”

And just like that – tail between the legs and on to the next.   If his profile was minimal, and his story maybe slightly tweaked,  I may not have called him out on it.   But, seriously?

Too Far Away..

29 May

“awww you’re cute-ish but sadly too far away for my boner”

Cute-ish?  Cute-ish?   Excuse me.. I am freaking adorable.  But, alas.. even if you had told me that I was freaking adorable – apparently 10 miles is too far away.

Sucks to be me, I guess.. Or not, really.  Even if his boner was next door – it still wouldn’t be happening.

Not that I condone these messages at all –  but,  you ought to really compliment a girl if you are going to be a pig…  Not some half-assed “cute-ish” pretend compliment.

But, for argument’s sake – let’s pretend he was a gentleman, and actually had said something decent, followed by living too far away..   Why bother wasting each others time?  If 10 miles is a deal-breaker.. don’t send a message.

 

Some Things Are NOT Meant to be Advertised Online.

28 May

Common sense, my friends..  Why has this disappeared?  There are so many things that should be quite obvious that you never say as a part of a first message to someone.

“i have only been charged with rape but never convicted. “

Where did that come from?!  I know I didn’t ask.

Maybe he thinks that this is his “deal-breaker” so he should throw it out there immediately.  But honestly – sometimes those deal breakers need to hide for awhile.    There is a time and a place for that to be brought up, and it should never be to a complete stranger.

My imaginary cats are smarter than this yahoo.

Who Let the Dogs Out?

27 May

Although these messages have long since surprised me – it was interesting to see the amount coming through the Meat Market last night.   What was going on in the universe last night (aside from it being a Friday night)?

“hey wanna fuck?”

Guys-  I don’t know how many times I need to tell you this – but I don’t believe this message has ever worked, for anyone.  (Ladies – if this works for you,  correct me in a comment.)

It doesn’t even work if it follows a compliment:

“Damn! You’re gorgeous! Would you mind sitting on my face for a while? Lol”

Could you ever imagine being asked how you met..  “Well, he asked me online if I would sit on his face awhile..”    I don’t understand why these guys don’t understand that girls want to be swept off their feet by a knight in shining armor.  Is this really too much to ask for?

The next approach also doesn’t work – at least for self-sufficient girls like me:

“$200 to take you to bed interested”

For me to consider such things.. it would have to be REALLY worth my while..  I’m sorry, but $200 would not take me long to come up with if I really needed it.

But perhaps my favorite of all:

“Mt mom said I could have some friends over for a sleep over. W ant to come?”

At least it’s somewhat clever, despite not knowing how to spell “my.”   However, I am not looking for a man who thinks he is twelve years old.

Dear Internet,  Aren’t you supposed to be providing me someone wonderful and intelligent?!

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