Soon2BeCatLady

Before you read-  please go and re-familiarize yourself with Psycho Dan, who I posted about on December 1st.  I will wait..  (https://soon2becatlady.wordpress.com/2011/12/01/psycho/)

Because Dan from Wells Fargo wouldn’t stop – when he told me yet again that we have a lot in common, I questioned “Such as?”  because of the lack of information on that profile.

“road trips, exercise, music, etc… txt me ***-***-****.. i like your smile..”

“No.”

“No what?”

“I will not be texting you.”

“ok. later.”

I thought I had got rid of Dan finally.    J and I had discussed him, and she had gotten similar messages from him too.   You know when guys are trolling because while J and I are great friends-  we have absolutely NOTHING in common.

Two weeks later, I get another message from Dan:

“forgot, there is a close up pic of me on facebook, dan k****y… I am in a black suit and from denver NC.. I need to update the location..”

“The answer is still no.”     (No.. I did not go look at his close-up photo.. It’s not about looks at this point.)

“ok..”

Just TWO short days later:

“we live so close we should get together.. I have a close up pic on facebook which I forgot about so check it out, lookup Dan k****y I am sitting on a couch in a black suit and from denver NC.. the pic was taken this summer… I have been told the pics on here are to much at a distnace, however my close up pics must be the wrong size because they will not load, but I am a very cute guy..”

Okay-  now this guy is just pissing me off.

“Dan..
This is the seventh time you have messaged me. I don’t care how cute you are.. you are creepy.
Leave me alone.”

“lol, I am anything but creepy.. I have yet to meet someone who did not like me… u read into things way to much..”

“No.  You don’t read into things ENOUGH.”

“your loss, I would bet anything if we met u would like me..”

“I am sure it is my loss. I am okay with that.
A word of advice- if you give your phone number to a girl who has never once talked to you.. this immediately makes you a tool.  Not to mention, you keep throwing your number at a good friend of mine who is my polar opposite. You need to figure out what you are looking for.”

“lol… I just hate emailing because its so slow, so I would prefer to txt and meet for coffee. thats the only way to know if u really are interested..”      (Odd since these “e-mails” are literally one minute after another..   SO slow.)

“Once again, I am assuring you that I am NOT INTERESTED.”

Here is my prediction:   In about two weeks,  I will hear from him again.   Anyone want to make bets?

Because of my blog topic-  my friends and I often discuss dating of all sorts – and collectively have decided that there are some basic things online and off that guys just don’t understand.     So…  Dear Boys:

1)  If we agree to a date,  and you completely blow us off –  there is a less than 1% chance that you will get a second chance.    Of course there are exceptions to this rule – depending on when we are informed that the date is not happening, and the reasoning behind it..  but likely no chance.

2) If you are online dating and you send your phone number to a girl in a message to her and she has never talked to you before..  You are a tool, and girls are starting to post these message in public forums, i.e. Twitter.   Don’t say you haven’t been warned.  (Also – not by me.. but I have seen this recently.)

3)  If you ask us out, and we give you ANY excuse whatsoever, and DO NOT offer up a day that works better… We are not interested.    Of course, there are minor exceptions to this rule too..  but you will know when that exception has occurred.  There will be no doubt in your mind.

4)  Just because a girl responds to your message –  or talks to you at a bar for that matter –  does NOT automatically mean she is interested.    If girls are new to the online dating stuff, they will likely respond to anyone that messages them for fear of being mean.

Anyone enlightened?

I preface this by saying that I don’t really know where this post is going to go – and it could be all over the place.   So, that being said – here’s the random thoughts going through my brain at this current time.

I don’t know if it’s because of the holiday season – or for other reasons – but I just don’t feel like digging through the garbage of the online dating stuff today.   While I have met some really nice people online (a few of you know who you are..) I still think overall it is a huge joke.   I was discussing this phenomenon with a close girlfriend of mine the other day, and she said really it’s a wonder that online or offline anyone manages to find someone they truly connect with.  Amen to that.

I got into the “dating scene” late in life… and right upon entering it, had the real connection,  and was quickly removed from the dating scene.   Here I am, 6 years later, wondering why it is so hard.   I can’t figure it out.   It was SO easy before..  and it just isn’t now.

I was in a very blissful mood today.   I listened to a lot of music, and while I connected with just a crap ton of it today-  I had a stronger than normal connection to Phil Collins’ “Can’t Hurry Love.”     (You can’t hurry love, no you’ll just have to wait, just trust in the good times, no matter how long it takes.)   I don’t know how to say this without sounding full of myself,  but I have a strong sense today of being overall impressed with myself.   Today was a good day.   It started awesome, and ended productive at the very least.

Is it really hard to want to have someone who just makes you calm, and who just gets you?   Someone you can call when you have a bad day and instantly the day becomes better because they just make it so?   Someone to sing Kenny Rodgers’ “Through The Years” to with conviction in 50 years?   Someone who knows there’s problems, because nothing is perfect,  but is willing to work through them?     Apparently – this might be asking for too much.

Sigh.

While I blog and blog about people not taking advantage of reading what’s out there,  I had a discussion with a good friend of mine regarding online dating profiles.   He deems them unnecessary.   He said that people only put on their profile what they are comfortable being public information…  fair enough.  He also noted that most girls’ profiles say exactly the same thing.

That point struck me..  because I have noticed several similarities in the profiles that I browse of guys.   Now – I am pretty sure the most of us don’t go looking at same gender profiles-   but these are the similarities I have found:

1)  Obligatory “I hate writing about myself.”      (Sometimes the obligatory falls within the quotations too.)   –    I think this is bullshit, just because you don’t know what to write doesn’t mean you don’t know what to say about yourself.   People love talking about themselves.    Quit complaining and just do it.

2)  “I really like outdoor activities.”   –  Seriously,  at this point, it goes without saying.   So does every other male on the planet.   Great.  I will stay in and bake cookies.

3) (And my favorite.. drumroll please…)   “I’m kind of a nerd.”  –   Apparently cool guys don’t exist anymore.   Every last guy in online dating is a nerd.. probably because he owns a computer.   Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE nerds.  Dated one for a long time.   Most of you guys are NOT nerds.   Hint:  If you play any sort of “normal” sport-   you are probably not a nerd.

Girls-  if I have missed any-  add a comment.

Guys-  I don’t creep the girls – add a comment with what we all say.

I was messaged today by a 63 year old man, who looks like he is probably in his early 70s.   That right there is gross enough.. but it gets worse.   His profile says he is looking for someone between the ages of 25 and 45.   Eww..   but wait, there’s more.

His message to me says:

“….you know I jacked your image.

Self portrait?

Please stop by the gallery when

out in Bushwick-

John”

Okay-  his message doesn’t make sense..   I know he jacked my image?  No.. I don’t know that… and then tells me to stop by a gallery?    Did he “jack” my images for a gallery?

“What do you mean that you jacked my image?   Perhaps I did not give you permission to do so.”

“…hijacked to my desktop-
For personal perusal only!!!”

Eww..   Eww.. Eww.. Eww.. Eww.. Eww.  EWW!!!!!!!!!!

If you swipe pictures of young girls – or any girls that aren’t intended for that purpose –  you are a disgusting pig.    But, I would surely advise you that if you are a disgusting pig like that – NEVER EVER tell a girl that.  EVER.

I have to go throw up now.

Advice for Online Dating:    If you are looking for something respectable.. do not bother looking between the hours of midnight and 4:45am.   For some reason, men turn into solid horndogs between these hours.

I was online the other night around 1am.   Just figured I’d check my fan mail before I went to bed.  Immediately I got instant messages from 3 different guys.  The first one almost immediately starting asking me questions like “When was the last time you had sex?”   and “What’s your favorite position?”    The 2nd just flat out asked if I wanted to meet up.

The 3rd only slightly surprised me.   A few pleasantries to break the ice, followed by “Do you want to talk dirty?”    Umm..  no.    “Well, I just thought I’d ask because I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to.”

Excuse me..  “MAKE” me?!   Dude,  Sweetheart,  Moron..  you can’t MAKE me do anything.   Even if you were here in the flesh, you couldn’t MAKE me do anything. 

I understand I am wired different than guys.   But.. seriously?   Let’s say I was all “yeah, lets meet up and do this.”   Does that not scare you!?   

1)  What if I was a 48 year old man, disguising myself as a woman?

2)  Diseases..

3)  What if I am a serial killer?

I just don’t get it..

It’s rare for me to respond to a message from someone if all they say is “Hello”, “Hey”, “What’s Up?”   etc.    I was called out on this by a reader of the blog, and was told that because I preach that online dating should be more like real life,  I should start responding to those messages because I would say “hello” back in real life.

Fair enough.

Today, I decided to give it a try… I got a message that said:

“hi”

“Hello.”

“fine n u”

I am sorry – but am I allowed to stop after that?   Because clearly he can’t read.   I assume he thought he read “How are you?”   But..  his eyes played tricks on him.  If that were a conversation in real-life, real-time..  he would have gotten a raised eyebrow for sure.

I’m walking away from this one… I just can’t do it.

So – on my profile where I have decided I live in New York –  I have a picture of myself from about 7 years ago,  when I happened to be what I consider “too” thin. Because of the nature of my photo, I classified myself as “thin” even though in real-life, I would consider myself average.

I got a message this morning from a 31 year old New Yorker:

“lol you are not thin”

Hmm…  okay..    Not that care anyways, not like I am really in New York trying to pick anyone up..  but, I figured I ought to see what this guy is all about.

Chris81180:   “Don’t Judge a Book By It’s Cover” =)

Okay-  right there is funny numero uno.   His profile then describes him as:

“Family n friends are very important to me. I’m funny, loving, caring ,sensitive type of guy 

What makes me unique i can make anyone laugh or try to brighten up any situation.”

Caring and sensitive, my ass!  So.. just because I can, I write back:

“Well, you aren’t attractive – so the score seems even to me.”

“haha yea right … you wish u could get a guy like me”

“if you say so..”

How can someone be a self-proclaimed sensitive, caring and loving guy and go out of his way to make comments like that to someone?   I just laughed, but that’s because I have a pretty high self esteem, and honestly don’t give a crap about what people think of me.   However, something like that could be VERY damaging to a girl.   And all for what?   What did he accomplish in sending that message?

We can all rest easy knowing that karma will take care of this one.  🙂

No need to be humble when messaging a girl..  We LOVE it when you are full of yourself.   J got a message from a man, who happened to be talking to me at the same time:

“hey whats up. i think your very beautiful. a beautiful girl is one of the greatest riches a man can have. im interested in getting to know ya. hit me back if your interested and tell me what you think of my profile. may be to honest? i cant believe girls arnt attacking me on here lol jk maybe i should put different pics up? anyway i hope to hear from you and ps i have a good job”

Because J and I were sitting next to each other.. we found this quite entertaining.  He then asked me:

“what do you think of my profile and looks?”

“I’m surprised more girls aren’t attacking you on here.”

“lol,, i said the same thing -well are you at all interested in me so far or what? cuz i would like to get to know you if you are”

“I know you said the same thing. You said it to my friend who is 
sitting right next to me.”

“i know who that is!  hey i am interested in both of ya, what do you two think of me. and be honest”

“We think you’re a tool.”

“well im a carpenter so is that a compliment or what?”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

“…..ok, so I completely understand that you are out of my league – being such a gorgeous woman. But I am still taking my chances in reaching out and going out on a limb….and messaging you. Not sure if I should expect a reply but hey – better to have tried than to have always wondered – right?

You seem to stand heads and shoulders above the rest of the shallowness on here. I would love to get to know you better, perhaps.

So tell me – were your ex(s) losers, blind or gays to not see how special you are…!”