Soon2BeCatLady

Dear boys/guys/men of the internet,

If you are living at home with your parents,  you shouldn’t be attempting to date anyone, unless they too live at home with their parents.  While there are some cases where I would say this can be overlooked –  chances are you do not fall into that category.   If you are an exception to my rule, you can ignore this part of the rant..  but,  I assure you that if you live at home with Mom and Dad,  you and I are in VERY different places in life, and you sure as heck aren’t movin’ in with me.

And… if in your opening message you ARE going to tell me that you live with Mom and Dad… don’t try to act all cool and pretend you are on the mortgage.  You’re not.

In that same opening message, for the love of all that is good in this world,  do NOT tell me that you online DJ in a game called Second Life.   I don’t care if it’s true; you need to go find yourself a job, an apartment and a first life.

That is my public service announcement of today… because this seriously happened.   OMG.

Logged on to the meat market today to see if anything interesting was going on, and up pops an instant message from a 51 year old man.   Seriously?

I THINK I can understand a 51 year old man’s point of view in that younger girls are probably a bit more promiscuous,  potentially have less baggage and have “smokin bods”  but..  wouldn’t any young girl who is okay with dating someone who could be her father, or even grandfather, be a gold-digger?   Do guys really not care about that sort of stuff?

I had to respond to his message, just to see what he had to say.   He asked how I was, I told him fine.. and then asked me if I am into older guys.  “Well, definitely not ones who could be my dad.”    “Okay, well hope you have a nice day.”    At least he wasn’t gross about it…  but still.. . Really?

I will start out by saying that I was very intrigued by Sean… and honestly I am not saying that because I know there is a good chance that he will read this.  (He has been informed that he had a good chance of making the blog..)  I got a message from him that made it clear that he read what I had to say,  and seemingly found me intriguing as well, enough to say that “I pretty much describe his ideal woman, so no pressure.”

I will go so far as to say that I take half the blame for this one – for even toying with the notion that people who live on the internet are “normal.”

Alright, well, if this guy will go as far to say that I describe his ideal woman,  and even explain why – he deserves at least a chance.  Not to mention he was attractive, and we share a few similar interests.

We chatted online and via text a few times, and I suggested meeting up.   He then suggested Friday – and I had something I needed to attend.  I told him I would find out the time it ends, and if it was still cool,  we could meet up afterwards.   A few days prior, I told him my prior engagement ended at 10, and if that was too late,  I understood.   He said indeed it was too late, and I questioned if he had anything exciting going on.   “Sleeping.”    Okay, someone is obviously not interested if at 10pm on a Friday night,  he is choosing sleep over meeting his “ideal woman.”

Not being interested became much more obvious when my good friend J informed me that my internet buddy Sean messaged her.   He was intrigued about her work, and her interests as well, and said that she “pretty much describes his ideal woman, so no pressure.”

Kudos to him for having at least a little smarts to tailor his form letter to each individual he sends it to..  but seriously –  do guys not realize that girls find out EVERYTHING?    I am not offended that he messaged my friend (although she is linked to my page, so me blogging about him WAS avoidable..)  but can the cheesy pickup lines and form letters just please stop already?    You can’t tell me that if he meets the love of his life online,  she wouldn’t be pissed that he has messaged hundreds of other girls the same exact thing..

I explained to him that the whole thing just makes him a tool.. but I don’t think he gets it.   Hopefully he’ll get it someday.. and if not, hopefully the poor girl doesn’t ever find out the sweet way they met was actually a form letter.

I recalled that I had created another dating profile on another site that I had entirely forgotten about,  so I logged on there today.  I have absolutely NO information about myself whatsoever on there.  I wrote “I will fill this out later.”

So, while just looking at it-  I was alerted that I received a new message… and perhaps my first message on there ever.

“Hey there! My name is Justin, and I liked your profile. You seem to have the same style personality as me and interests, plus your really pretty:) I seem like the type of girl I would like to get to know! So if you feel the same about me, send me a message back. Hope to hear from you soon!”

Hahahaha…

“Same personality? How do you figure since I don’t have anything written down?”

“yeah you busted me”

Really?! … and I also hella enjoy that he considers himself the type of girl he’d like to know.

Somedays I think that maybe there is just something on my profile that attracts people who can’t or don’t read.  Everyone else is meeting quality people online, right?   Haha..  Wrong!    After discussing some of my experiences with my friend J, she shared some hilarious stories of her own.

J’s profile has a paragraph that says:  “Poor grammar is one of my biggest pet peeves. If you don’t understand punctuation or can’t form a sentence/spell a two syllable word to save your life, please move on to the next girl who catches your eye.  I’m sorry if that seems bitter.”

The other day, she got a message (and I advise to read it slowly):

“I have to say that I like that you, still got you message through about grammar. Which did not seem at all bitter. If you you would like I think it maybe nice to communicate sometime. What do you think.”

It actually appears as though he did NOT understand the message about grammar.

On the dating website, there is a section where you it asks you list your favorite books, movies, shows, music and food.   You are able to fill it out essay style, but I chose to name the category and then list out my favorites.    For example:

Books:   Twilight (go ahead and judge),  The Phone Book

Movies:  Crazy Stupid Love,  Little Miss Sunshine,  The Hangover

TV Shows:  The Big Bang Theory

and so on..

Now – I give this guy who messaged me a little credit,  because he did follow the rules and made it known he “read” my profile..   but, reading comprehension and spelling may be something he should work on.

“i wouldnt judge u for watching a movie. i like twilight as well. i also like ur pics but hope u can talk to me and not be a mim or however u spell that”

Yeah, definitely not a Twilight MOVIE fan.

…and it’s spelled m-i-m-e.   It’s right there on my profile, buddy.

So, we all remember “Anger Management Matt”  from a week or so ago, right?   If not – go back and look..  I will wait.

“Anger Management Matt” calmed himself down after some words from me about going off the handle to someone he doesn’t know, about something that was not a big deal.   (He wouldn’t leave me alone.)   He admitted to his mistake of not speaking with me before, and when called out on his “freak out”  he said “If it’s any consolation, I called you pretty?”     Whatever.

Because I have no interest in dealing with someone like that, I left it be.   The messages kept rolling in, however.  “You never told me your name.”    My go-to response to that one was “You didn’t ask.”    He then asked, and I introduced myself.  “Would you like to go out sometime.”    Uhhhh…… “No thank you.”

“Alright. Well it’s your loss. You aren’t going to find too many guys better than me on here. Most guys will just use you, treat you like dirt and cheat on ya. ”

Ladies – get in line for this one!  He is one of the only “good” ones!   Based on my previous interaction,  I will turn away “Mr. Perfect” and take a chance that some other guy may “treat me like dirt.”     If anyone would like his information though, let me know –  he is probably the only good one left.  😉

On my profile,  I currently have my main picture as me dressed as a mime.  I have it this way to hopefully keep away some of the messages of guys looking for only sex. I have noticed the number of hits my profile has gotten has dropped since doing this –  but I am going for quality, not quantity.

I do describe in my profile that I am not actually a mime.   The first idea in my profile also explains that I am not on this website to be a booty call.

Today’s message, and perhaps my favorite so far, comes from a guy who I assume is named Joe, based on his user name:

“I’m not afraid to fuck a mime. Let’s get coffee sometime!”

Honestly, I read that and still haven’t stopped laughing.   I will forever keep that message in my inbox, because I will need to prove someday that I don’t make this stuff up!

I will say over and over –  people need to learn how to read.  However, this is not what this post is about.   This post could also be about grammar or proper usage of punctuation.

I received the following message:

“My name is steven I work as sub in the kitchen I have been working there for 3 years I like it a lot so hopefully I might hear from you.”

I am so confused.  Is this supposed to impress me?   He likes it a lot so hopefully he might hear from me.   How does that make any sense?   If he didn’t like his job a lot- would he expect not to hear from me?

A note to any guys who happen to read my rants:    Spelling, grammar and sentence structure go a LONG way.

While browsing a month or so back,  I found a guy named Adam.   I could tell right away that Adam and I would never be a good dating match –  but we did have potential to at least be friends.   I am all for opening up my social circle.    I was very upfront about this with him right away.

After further conversing we mutally agreed that, indeed, we would not be a good dating match.    He has a decent relationship with pot which is a non-negotiable for me.  Because I have religious beliefs at all – I am “too religious” for him, and my “good girl” ways when it comes to promiscuity are a dealbreaker for him.   That’s fine, we decide we could be friends.  We chatted about politics, and he seemed very nice.

Apparently, he forgot all that far too quickly.   I was greeted with a text message not a week later that said  “need your pussy licked?”    Woah.   I was with out for drinks with my cousin at the time, and he encouraged me to write back that “I don’t have one of those.”     After a few gruesome texts more, he gave up and I decided that this was a friendship I didn’t need to pursue.

Two weeks later,  I get a text message. “U horny?”    Once again, I was under the influence of a friend of mine and we decided playing along was funny.

“Sure am.  Come over.  Bring friends.”

“Are you having a party?”

“No, just have an eager appetite.”

“Are you into gang bangs?”

“Clearly.”

“That’s hot.”

“Are you coming over?”

“I dunno.  I don’t know where you live.”

“Shucks”

..Boys are stupid..