Tag Archives: dating rules

The Man Who Knows Everything

3 Mar

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. (I’m warning you now, this isn’t safe for work.)

Hinge’s ads on Hulu sucked me back in. They’re the “dating app designed to be deleted” and they aren’t the worst of all the apps, so I, for what feels like the 70 billionth time, made a new account. I decided I would take a passive approach this time around. I don’t want to swipe for hours on end, so if someone “likes” something on my profile, I will check them out.

Enter an attractive 37 year old. He liked one of my photos, allegedly went to Harvard, was dressed very snazzily (I know that’s not a word.. it is now!) in all of his photos, and his two truths and a lie section caught my attention. One of this potentially true or false statements was “I wrote off my school supplies as a tax deduction when I was in 8th grade.” I was intrigued, and figured there had to be a story there. I accepted the match.

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Five Things He Prefers

23 Mar

It’s usually bad news when an opening message comes in shortly after midnight.  I happened to be awake yet, so I opened the OKCupid app and read this message.

“What’s up”

Sigh…  I decided this didn’t warrant a response so late at night/early in the morning.  He must pay extra to see when someone reads his message, because about 2 minutes later, another message rolled in.

“I’m very attracted and interested in you”

“I’m half asleep so we will have to chat tomorrow.”

“Ok…me too”

He did wait till “tomorrow”- but his next message came in shortly after midnight again.

“You look fun”

I need to inform you that this guy has ONE WORD on his profile.  “Passionate.”  Which, of course, could mean nearly anything.  I was willing to talk to him, but really wanted some more information before deciding if I was interested in him.   I waited 12 hours and responded midday.

“I think I’m fun.  It might be best to tell me more about you, though.”

“I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for, but there are 5 things I prefer…”

I assumed another message was forthcoming.. so I waited.  (Actually, I assumed he wanted me to press for more information.  I didn’t because that wasn’t my request.)   It came through at 9:15pm.

“Hello?”

“You didn’t finish your sentence.”

“1. A confident woman

2. Active lifestyle (not skinny…not obese)

3. Pubic hair visible (not completely shaved)

4. Great conversation (intelligent)

5. High sex drive

Keep in mind they are JUST preferences…are you any of them or all 5?”

Hahaha! I got so much more than I bargained for in asking for more information about him!  I love that he prefers intelligent conversation – much like the one we were CLEARLY having.

“Wow.”

“Just preferences….not a checklist or anything. And there are valid reasons for each one”

“Are you any or all?”

It does fascinate me how people are comfortable saying things online that they would NEVER say to my face in public.  I didn’t ask him what he’s looking for, and only two of his preferences are worthy of discussion with a complete stranger.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

“Really? Why not? Are you insecure? It’s just pubic hair….nbd”

“I trim everything very short”

“Because you are a complete stranger and it’s none of your business.  I’m not insecure at all; I just don’t feel like this is necessary conversation.”

“Yikes.  Guess you’re no fun.  Up tight”

“Glad I know now.. you looked happy and fun”

“Such a downer and grouch”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!   Try to manipulate much?

“I’m actually laughing and sharing this with my girlfriends.  And you’ll star in my book!  Keep talking!”

I was texting screenshots to some friends, who badly wanted me to mess with him and send him a list of my own.  (My list of 5 preferences is pretty good, perhaps I shall blog about it sometime soon.)

“You’re maybe too fat for me anyway…”

“Have a good night”

“Peace out, Home Slice!”

“Average build?”

“Stop lying. Ain’t nothing average about your size.  You’re overweight”

“Cool.  Whatever.”

He did send one final message, that I sadly was unable to read as he then immediately blocked me.   But I bet it said something like “Wow, I just realized how terrible of a human being I am, and I shouldn’t be online dating.  I’m going to cancel my account, best of luck to you!”

I do wonder why some men are quick to rush to the “you’re fat anyway” angle.  When there was a chance I was going to play along and tell him about my pubic hair and sex drive, I wasn’t fat then.  And his messages came through so fast, it’s not like he was studying my profile and then made this soul-searching decision.  It was an attempt to make me feel bad, which he was unsuccessful at.

I can only hope that someday I see him in the wild, when he’s out with a bunch of friends.  I would love nothing more than to verify his first name, and then say, “Right!  You’re the guy I talked to on OKCupid who asked me about my pubic hair, and when I wouldn’t answer, you called me fat!”  I mean – he did say he prefers confidence, right?!  😉

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CatLady’s Blind Date Rules

11 Oct

A friend of mine told me that I suck at online dating, and decided to take matters into her own hands.  While I would argue that online dating is the thing that sucks, she wasn’t exactly wrong.  I wasn’t getting anywhere, regardless of where the fault lies.  So, she is setting me up on a blind date.  (You can hear all about it here.)

She’s quite lucky that I find her trustworthy, as she provided next to no details regarding this mystery suitor before setting up the date.  Since this probably wouldn’t fly with many others, I decided it best to list out some ground rules if you want to set up a friend on a blind date.

  1.  Have a describable reason why you think the pair would make a good match, and tell them what that is.  (Or if the reason is just that both parties are single, at least disclose that so there isn’t as much undue pressure.)
  2. Be forthcoming with information.  Committing to a dinner with a complete stranger is intimidating.  Give both parties some basic information about the other (i.e. job, interests, etc.) so that they have somewhere to start in a conversation.
  3. Give them an easy way to identify one another.  In this instance, my friend suggested that I wear a croissant.  (She meant corsage, but said croissant.)  I plan on doing just that and let my blind date know via text.  He said he would wear an English muffin. (This may actually work out.)
  4. If either party seems uncomfortable with the blind date scenario, offer to double date!  Let them set you up, or bring a date of your own.  Dating can be a little more comfortable in groups, especially if both parties know someone else in attendance.
  5. Don’t show up at the restaurant to spy on the date.  (I have a gut feeling this may happen.)
  6. Let the date attendees reach out to you when they are ready to tell you how it went.  Basically:  Set it up, and then forget about it until your friends reach out.
  7. You’re not allowed to be offended, or push for a second date, if either party decides they are not interested (before OR after the date.)  People who have been attached for a long time forget the bad memories of their dating life, and tend to only remember the fun of it.

 

Have you been on a blind date before?  How did it go?  What rules should I add to my list?  I’d love to hear your stories and ideas in the comments!

 

 

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