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You’re Doing It Wrong!!

3 Oct

Some of you may remember that earlier this year I had frequently made mention to the “Intern” I had.  She wasn’t actually an intern, but for lack of anything better to call her, that’s the name that stuck.

She, of course, has since moved on to bigger and better things than doing my grunt work – but was excited to talk to me about a boy she met online dating.  Much to my surprise, a day or so later – she told me that she was really nervous about meeting him and was going to cancel.

I told her that cancelling was not allowed, and “Just go have a drink.”   She then explained that he had set their first meetup to be at CHIPOTLE.   Really, dude?  Chipotle!?

I am absolutely not a fan of the first meetup including dinner of any sort, and believe you should stick to a drink – and appetizers IF it’s going well..  but – Gentlemen of the Interwebs:   Any sort of fast food chain is NOT acceptable for a first online dating meetup.   While I would consider Chipotle to be classier than White Castle,  I think “The Intern” said it best when she said “Nobody looks attractive eating a burrito.”

I would have cancelled, too.   Good call, Intern.

 

Hahaha… Oh Tinder.

18 Sep

The past few weeks I have been having some fun with a smartphone app called Tinder.  If you aren’t aware of what it is –  basically, it’s “Hot or Not” and if you “heart” someone, and they also “heart” you, you will be able to communicate with one another (text message style) through the app.

What I like about it is it’s also hooked up to your Facebook, so it will tell you if you have any mutual friends, or mutual interests.  (Pro-tip:  I always check out people who I have mutual friends with..   I will also get mad at said mutual friend for not offering to set me up.)

After signing up, and going through the endless amount of males that have this app-  I heard a rumor that this is more of a hook-up app.   I hadn’t really found that to be the case..   Until tonight:

“I want to bone you”

“Oh.. Umm, wow.  Thanks, I guess?”

“Oh you are so welcome.  Kinda creepy since my mom’s name is also [CatLady] but I could get over that”

“Okay, so.. what?  Like, right now?”

“Hmm.. where do you live?”

“You definitely are not coming here… and you can take that whichever way you would like to.”   (Ba-dum-bum!  ..I crack myself up..)

“Sorry mom”

“You certainly know the way into a girl’s pants.  Mom must be so proud.”

“You have a great rack”

“Yes, I’m aware.”

“May I see?”

“No.”

“No with a period?  You mean business”

He then told me to have an enjoyable evening, and I wished him luck in his search for a piece of meat.   He said he’d let me know of any updates.  I shudder at the thought of this walking-STD.

 

My Review of EHarmony

28 Aug

A few months back, I got an e-mail offer from EHarmony that was impossible to refuse.   Their service is normally anywhere from $12.95 to $60.00 per month (roughly) depending on how long you sign up for.   ($13 per month if you sign up for a year, $60 for one month)   They ran a special a few months ago that I was able to sign up for $6.95 per month, for 3 months.  I decided I couldn’t afford not to try EHarmony… but now that my 3 month stint is over, all I can do is hope that EHarm thinks all publicity is good publicity.

First and foremost, (and EH isn’t the only online dating company to do this..) anything over $15 per month is too expensive to be paying a computer to match you.   While I find their 12 month subscription price to be reasonable,  the fact that they want you to sign up for an entire year makes me feel like maybe they aren’t confident they are going to find you the love of your life.

On that note – given that some people actually PAY them $60..  profiles like this should not be something ever found on their website:

eharmSeriously..  if I ran that website, anyone who put specific key words in their profile would be immediately flagged for staff review.   (EH did remove the user upon seeing my picture tweet, and asking me to send them an e-mail with more info.)

I, personally, did not have any luck whatsoever on EHarmony.  I sent out their questions to users I was interested in, and responded back to some.. but nothing ever went further than the guided communication.   I don’t blame EH for that – but after a month, I was informed that my distance preference (a radius of 30 miles.. according to the most recent census, there are 3.28 million people within 30 miles of yours truly.)  was too specific and they encouraged me to change this to a 100 mile radius.    Now..  I know people will take drastic measures for love..  but, really.. even 30 miles away for a stranger from the internet is pushin’ it.

So, I started getting matched with people far out of city limits, which was really a waste of time.  But then, after another couple days,  I was alerted that my age range of 27 to 34 was too specific, and I should broaden those requirements as well.  Are you joking?

I have decided that I got a sweet deal because no one uses EHarmony anymore.  I still think that OKCupid is your best deal out there –  it’s free, and you might get some kooky people in there (see rest of blog), but it’s easy to use, and it’s fun.

So, long story short.. In my opinion:  Eharmony sucks.

**

Totally unrelated to EHarmony:   Tomorrow night (Wednesday, August 28, 2013) at 10:00pm Central Standard Time,  A_Dude79 and I will be podcasting live.   We have Catfish/Nigerian Scammers,  “The First Move”  and the burning question of “Is Facebook ‘Friendship’ the new Phone Number when it comes to dating?”  on the agenda.   If you haven’t tuned in before,  tomorrow would be a great night to do so.  We take calls and feedback from Twitter as well.   Put it on your calendar and don’t miss it!   Link HERE.

Junk Mail.

20 Aug

Just when I think nothing more can surprise me when it comes to online dating.. I get a first online dating message such as this:

“8======D~~~~~~”

What’s classier than sending a dick pic?  Sending an emoticon dick pic, of course!  And let me tell you, my friends, am I uber impressed.

Luckily for him (and you..) I was feeling a little feisty, and although a message like this would normally be ignored.. I couldn’t resist the fun that could be had:

“Interesting.. Let’s be real here, though..  You don’t want to be misleading:  8==D~~”

I really want to know what he thought I would respond to his massive dick.. but, even at that moment, I was calling my response a win.

“Yeah I know its only 3 instead of 6 :/”

“We will make a great pair then since I only have a two inch vagina.”  (Many thanks to @DatingMary for this one.. making the score CatLady – 2,  Moron – 0.)

“Lol that’s a good one”

…and that was it…  Crickets ever since.  Granted, I am okay with not meeting this fine specimen in person, or even talking further… but what was the point of all that?  Can someone please explain to me how the male mind works?!

 

 

Your Online (Dating) Footprint

9 Aug

I’m going to be totally honest with you guys –   I have signed up for a RIDICULOUS online dating website, which I will disclose at a later time.  The reasons were three-fold.

1)  A co-worker told me about how ridiculous it is, and suggested I take a look.

2)  Without me mentioning the site AT ALL,  they randomly started following my CatLady account on Twitter.

3)  You know I am hoping for some entertaining material for you all.

So, again, more to come on what the website is, and my experiences with it.. but, I started looking around to see the kind of people on there.  All but one were not my “type” at all..  and that one.. that one was FREAKING ADORABLE.

Suddenly, I had a sense of horror..  I want to meet this guy, but I can’t possibly meet him on this site.   I don’t mind that he’s there..  (it’s not a fetish site or anything..) but if this is the future Mr. CatLady… I really don’t want to announce to anyone that I met him on ReallyWeirdWebsite dot com.

I did what every sane female would do.  I immediately reverse searched his photo to see if I could find him on any other, more respectable, dating website.   Apparently not.

I, then, google searched his username.   Bingo.  He IS on other dating websites, like No Strings Attached dot com,  Adult Friend Finder dot com,  Ashley Madison dot com, and Tranny Connections dot com, just to name a few.  (Complete with photos.. definitely the same guy, for the record.)

So – here’s your lesson for the day:   Men of the interwebs…  I know you are males, and I know sometimes you do shady stuff.   Okay, a LOT of times you do shady stuff..  If it’s not something you’d be proud of anyone knowing, for goodness sakes  – don’t use the same fucking username!

Then, he popped up as a quiver match on OKCupid the next day.  Umm.. pass.

Real Life Profiles

26 Jun

Seriously.. I cannot make this stuff up!   I got a message today from a guy who sent me his form letter.  I looked at his profile, and what I found has literally made my day.  (My absolute favorite part is underlined.)

“What I am doing with my life:

I run my own bussiness out of my home for the time being doing freelance work for privately owned companys online i make a pretty good liveing at it as of lately. and i can’t wait for my bussiness to pick up so i can buy a car, i know it may sound a bit sleezey but i want too buy a VAN so i can go camping in it when i’m tired of staying at home eather a van or a RV so i can also take my bussiness on the road.

The first things people usually notice about me:

my since of humar and my half balding head kidding my since of humar not really bout my balding head, to much stress did it too me
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food:
The Dictionary”
Oddly enough, he managed to spell dictionary right..  I guess that’s a start?  Maaaybe he hasn’t finished reading it yet..

Why Girls Don’t Respond to Your Online Dating Messages

27 May

I’ve been contemplating this for a few days, and that spurred because of this blog entry that Belle Vierge of Finding My Virginity blog pointed out to me.  If you don’t have time to check out the blog –  basically,  the blogger condones form letters. (There was a lot more to it than this..)   Belle posted a comment referring readers here,  and I had a back and forth with a gentleman regarding form letters.

Guys –  I will stick to this.. you will have better luck (at least quality-wise) if you reference something in the girl’s profile.   I get that not all girls give you stuff to work with, but there’s that quality thing again.

This is known – girls get a lot more messages than you guys do.  If she gets 20 messages daily that all say “Hey, how are you?”  she has to do a lot of work to determine if she wants to respond or not.   But I GUARANTEE you,  if you send a message that says “Hey [username]!   I read that you are actively involved in community theatre.  What was your favorite part to play?”  and she doesn’t respond… it’s not because of your message.

 

So – why don’t girls respond to your personalized messages, then?   There could be several reasons, including but not limited to:

 

– She doesn’t think you are attractive.  (Or your online dating photos are horrible. Seriously guys.. a lot of you post photos that make you look like pedophiles.)

– She only dates six foot two inch blonde guys with a six pack.

– Something in your profile is a deal-breaker for her.

-Maybe you don’t have much info on your profile.

– She’s in the beginning stages of dating someone else..  (or maybe not the beginning stages.)

– She online dates for an ego boost and nothing more.

– She’s not a real person.

– She meant to, but forgot.

– You have a dog and she’s allergic to dogs.

– You’re a democrat and she’s a republican.  (Or vice versa.)

– You wrote her a message at 3am, and normal people aren’t online sending messages at that time of night, so you are clearly weird.

– Something in your profile made you sound like a tool.

– Something that you couldn’t possibly know about is going on in her life and she just can’t be bothered with meeting new people, dating, or responding to anyone on the internet.  (Like what?   Family emergencies, work drama, her cat died..)

 

I could go on and on forever.  But it’s NOT because you asked her a basic question about one of her interests.

I know it’s frustrating.. I send out messages to guys I find attractive and don’t get responses, probably because I’m not a size 0.  But wouldn’t you rather be someone who stands out than the “norm”?

The Dating Game

24 Feb

Who knows if it even airs anymore, but I always loved watching “The Dating Game” on TV.  For those who never saw it,  there are 3 guys behind a screen and the girl asks them all questions and at the end of the show, picks one to be her date.

And behold. there is a new online dating website that essentially lets you be a contestant on the show – minus the whole TV part.   It started in Australia and has just this week opened up to the entire world.   I found out about it because one of the founders happens to read my blog and had sent me an e-mail addressing a question I posted on here once.   We got to talking, and I learned about his site.. and ta-da!  Now I’m telling you about it.

I am quite impressed with this site, especially if you consider there are only two guys operating it.   It seems like a site with a much bigger company behind it.   Right now, the girls ask the questions to 3 guys, and ultimately pick one to chat with.  For those of you wanting to try it out,  I want to “warn” you about a few things:

Ladies –  you have to think of the questions, with the exception of the first which is a generic “Hey, how are you?” type message.   While they do have suggestions, it’s fun to have your own ready.  You will also spend a few minutes selecting pictures of “Who would you rather talk to”..  when 3 of those you have selected are online, that’s when the question section will start.   (You won’t know which 3 it is..)

Guys – You won’t get to see the girl either.   And you have 40 seconds to answer each question.   I have heard if a female selects you to potentially chat with (or, selects your photo over the “other guy”) you will get an e-mail telling you that you have 90 seconds to get on that website.   That being said,  girls are likely to pick a photo of a person, and not a cartoon.   Pick your best photo!

Right now, this site has just gone global.   When talking with one of the founders, there are currently more guys signed up than girls –  and until many many more people sign up – you’ll be matched with someone far away.. (Perhaps even out of the country.)    I would advise if you like the concept, sign up, chat with some people and spread the word.   Soon, this could be a way to find a date on a random Tuesday night.

There are a lot of new things to come with this website, but keep in mind again, it’s run by TWO GUYS by themselves!   (My favorite feature that is allegedly coming soon is that you can pick your age range..  So far, I’ve been matched with young puppies.)

Sign up anyway-  who knows.. maybe you’ll get to talk to me!  (And it’s free.. at least for now!)

www.7pmanywhere.com

 

 

OKCupid’s New App: Crazy Blind Date

16 Jan

As I hopped on to OKCupid from my fancy smart phone this morning, I was alerted that OKCupid has launched a brand new app called Crazy Blind Date, and that I should check it out.  — And you KNOW I did.

I definitely feel I need some more time with the app – but these are my opinions and observations thus far:

It’s not really a blind date if it’s a 16 piece puzzle of your main OKCupid picture.  As I was browsing those who have already signed up and put up date locations, I knew who most of them were.  (I couldn’t tell you their usernames, but I know I had seen their face before..)  However,  a nifty feature is that you can elect to take a photo with your camera phone and use that instead, or a photo from your camera gallery.  This makes it a bit more blind than the default OKC pic.

I don’t know if it’s my phone, or the app, or a combination of both – but when I set up to say “I am free this day” and try to search for a place (powered by Foursquare, which seems like a good idea..)  it tells me I have no internet connection.. even though it picks out where I am on the map, and suggests places nearby.  (And no, OKCupid, I refuse to suggest to meet random strangers at a place called The Sex Pit.. but thank you, really.)

Because I am OKCupid’s longest standing member.. (haha!)  I got a message on the regular app from someone I went out with once saying he saw me on the new Blind Date app.   So, to figure out how this works,  I clicked “Set up a date” with him, and he accepted.   Apparently,  I can send him a message through the Blind Date app only an hour before our meet-up time, which indicates to me that this really isn’t going to work for setting up something further out than RIGHT NOW… which also indicates to me that this is really just local broadcasts without getting to learn what the other looks like or has to say about his or herself.

The other options once setting up a date is to cancel said date.  So, I clicked that and immediately messaged my buddy to see if it gives him the “reason” I cancelled.   The options I could choose were “This time doesn’t work for me”, “This is too far away” or “I’m just not interested.”   The verdict?   Unknown –  according to him, our date has not been cancelled.   Hmm…   That could be a problem.  (UPDATE:  It does not disclose your reasoning for cancelling, but does take awhile to inform your date that you are bailing.)

The only other major downfall I am seeing right now is this:  I put out that I was free on Thursday, around a particular area.  I did this as a test, and I am  actually not free at this time.  I cannot find a way to remove this “broadcast.”   Granted, doesn’t actually matter, because I won’t be there.. but, an inconvenience nevertheless.   (CORRECTION:  You can cancel it on the actual OKCupid website.)

I guess the last thing I have to say right now on it is this:   Sometimes, people on the internet are weird.. (see rest of blog..)   Meeting someone off the internet with no background information does seem a little scary.   I would/will because I am fearless –  but, I would suggest if you use this – bring a friend, or a gun..  Better be safe than a statistic.

Let me know your thoughts/stories on it!

OKCupid: My Self Summary

18 Jul

This may just be my favorite self summary on OKCupid of all time:

“My self-summary

This website sucks… u vapid women would not know a good guy if he came and shit on your tits”

Now.. wait a second here..  I am pretty sure a good guy wouldn’t do anything of the sort with my, or any female’s tits.    That just doesn’t seem like something a do-gooder would do.

Why does he think that’s a good analogy?   Or, better yet.. Why does he think that is suddenly going to make him appealing?  He obviously thinks pretty highly of himself..  does he go around pooping on people?!

There are several people on this Earth that I will never understand..

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