Soon2BeCatLady

Most of you won’t find this funny, but I find this downright hilarious:

“Hi sweetheart first let me sat my profile is’t finsh simply because I got bord but if theres any thing u wanna ask me plz ask . Iv seen a lot of BEAUITFUL ladys on this site but ur different why u ask ? Because u look real no photo shop my real name is [name] and I would love to get to know u :)”

This dude must get “bord” easy, since he can’t even finish words correctly.

But – the part that makes me laugh is that I am different because “no photo shop.”   Being that I am a professional photographer by trade,  most of my photos are photo shopped, or at least edited in SOME sort of way.  Of course I don’t make myself thinner or anything – but,  most of my photos look professional.

Ahh, good times.

“you look like one of my poops”

I will never know why someone would think sending this to a female on a dating website is a good idea..

What I do know is this:   This guy has the sexiest shit on the planet.

I got a message on OKCupid today that was not a form letter.   This has been known to happen from time to time, because believe it or not – I am a catch.

I responded to this guy’s message right away, without visiting his profile, because I know I have said before:  That’s how it should be!!   I’d much rather have a conversation to get to know you, vs. read about you.

After a few messages back and forth,  I clicked on his profile.   In the “You Should Message Me If..” section,  he writes a little something, followed by: “PLEASE DO NOT MESSAGE ME if you don’t believe in [this] and vote [this political party.]”  Now, we were already talking, but according to his profile, I shouldn’t be talking to him because I don’t believe in [fill in the blank], and more often than not vote for [this political party].   (I am NOT about to get political on this blog!)

In my next message, I decided to address this and said,  “I want to let you know you perhaps shouldn’t expect too much to come of this, because I am a ___-winger who doesn’t believe in [this], which you indicated on your profile is a deal-breaker.”  

I got back a “Wow..  Well, I try to keep an open mind.”

I didn’t pick a fight, but really?   Don’t try to make me the close-minded one when I was just addressing something you don’t seem to have a tolerance for.   Just because I have a different opinion than you on anything under the sun doesn’t make me a close-minded person.  It means I have a different opinion than you.   Suck it up.

I’m thinkin’ this guy is probably not the future Mr. Soon2BeCatLady…  but maybe that’s just me being close-minded.   =)

Nothing like kicking off your weekend on the right start by such a profound message as this:

“hey sexy…
you look like sexy…maybe big boobs”

I am trying to determine if this guy is drunk, doesn’t know English, or is just a plain moron who needs to try 3rd grade again..

But – too much time has already been wasted on this man of OKCupid.

Today’s blog post brought to you be the reported messages of OKCupid.  The “award winning man of the day” is a 24 year old from Ohio.. unfortunately we are unable to know anything about the lady who reported him.

“Hey – Hope your Christmas went well! I came across your profile and thought you’re pretty interested as well as good looking. I was curious if you’d be interested in talking more and just get to know each other? Possibly grab dinner or lunch sometime. I know ago may be a factor, but maturity goes a long way. 
Adam 
***-***-****”

As you all know, I personally would not have responded, because it’s a form letter.  But – aside from a few errors,  it wasn’t the worst message in the world.  The lady responded:

“Ugh…I don’t think so”

..Which was kind of rude, if you ask me.  Again,  if that’s my opinion on the matter, I don’t respond..  However, she could be 50 for all we know..  So – it is what it is..

But then, to prove that maturity goes a long way,  our hero of the day replies:

“Can I just do ya one time then… :)”

Oh yes…  real mature.

**

Everyone please be safe tonight!!  I expect SEVERAL virtual kisses at midnight.  However, I do have a question, as a few of my Twitter friends were going back and forth with me today:   Going up to a seemingly single guy at midnight and planting one on him..  Good idea?   Bad idea?    — Let me know in the comments..  I will let you know what I decided for myself tomorrow!

Coming as a first message, this is a little intense and weird:

“you know it’s a real shame that we met here… because im sure that outside of this you’re really fun and interesting person and I know that I am too…. but people can never really be themselves online… I mean, look around you… its guys trying to be super confident and girls trying to be super b`tchy… interesting thing is, someone like you is probably cautious at first… which is cool once people get to know you… its just that no one really gets that far

I live my life a certain way…. I try to see the beauty in everything and believe that beauty is often bred from tragedy…. and unlike most, I believe that people in this world are inherently GOOD…and I do my best to see that good in everyone–even if I have to look hard to find it… I put my trust out there and always give the benefit of the doubt… and if I see their best intentions…. they are going to want to live up to it… people will rise to the occasion”

I hate that people consider sending someone a message (or even conversing with them online) “meeting” someone.   I have met people that I talked with online that I was very compatible with online through written word, but not through spoken word.   I think in the online stages, you merely know of the person, and don’t actually know them.

“I was looking through my holiday list and your name doesn’t have a note on if you were naughty or nice this year…so, if you’ve been good I’ll come down your chimney and stuff your stocking for X-mas, but if you’ve been naughty you’ll just have to settle for a spanking from me.”

Yeah..  I’m sure he’d gladly stuff my stocking.   Probably even if I’ve been naughty.   Why do these guys think messages like this are clever?

Oh-  I love the holidays.

In case things get busy and I don’t get around to posting – I’d like to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas.   I’m very lucky to have you as a reader, and appreciate you laughing along with me (or at me, I may never know..)

Seriously.. sometimes I swear there are times that all the boys go and howl at the moon…  I think it goes without saying that these messages went without a response.

“Message me your so sexy I’m young an I can be your dirty little boy 😉 btw UR picture looks like uv been naughty its making my huge dick stif an precum!!”

Okay.. that was just gross AND grammatically incorrect.

The next is grammatically alright..

“Nice tits….now let me see ’em​”

…but he didn’t say please.  (As if that would help.)

Velvet here with a truly magnificent wonderland of insanity…

I received a message from POF the other day that made me laugh. Really really hard. And part of me wants to respond, but I value my skin and kind of like it where it is.

“Could I interest you in a leotard breakfast? This is where we both wear long sleeve leotards under T-shirts and we meet up at a Perkins or Denny’s and I buy you breakfast. Nothing more.”

Okay, that is just funny. I don’t care who you are. And it immediately brought a few questions to mind. What if I don’t wear a T-shirt over the leotard? Is that a deal breaker? And why not IHOP? What about brunch, or an early dinner?

I (of course) had to read his profile. Some highlights:

He is 6’5″ (Not terrifying AT ALL) and has a Bachelor’s degree in programming. He is separated, and his profile picture is a close up self-portrait of him with a rather unattractive female. He is open to having children (NOOOOOOO!!!!!) and has been in at least one relationship longer than 6 years. But here’s the effed up cherry on top of the wackadoodle sundae:

“Looking for someone who would like to come to my house and get tied up in straightjacket or other restraints and get hugged (cuddling), get a foot massage, or just hang out.”

*blink*

Literally speechless.