Soon2BeCatLady

“you are by far the most beautiful woman i have ever seen in my life and i would love to get to know you if your interested email me back”

This sentiment is very sweet – however, unless this guy has lived in the black hole his entire life –  there is NO way this sentiment is true.   I mean, I’m alright.. but the most beautiful woman in the world?  No..  not even close.

“I find that very hard to believe.”

“i swear on my life im telling you the truth”

This totally frustrates me.  There is no way he has lived half of a century, and watched TV shows and movies, and then stumbled across my ONLINE DATING PROFILE and determined that no one he has ever seen before is even slightly prettier than I am.

I will reiterate:   The sentiment is sweet.   But, it loses the “aww” factor when it is not realistic.   One could argue that he has never seen a movie star, or who have you, in real life.   He hasn’t seen me in real life either.

Compliments are great and all – but be real about them.

Although it is uncommon for me to respond to one word messages such as “Hey”,  I decided to last night with a very simple “Sup?”    Maybe you all can tell me what went wrong from there- because I have no idea.

“What’s good with you?”

“Everything!”

“Yea. Whatever!”

“Alright then- nothing is good with me..  What do you want from me!?”  

I mean, seriously?..

“Nothing any more. Peace to ya!”

“I apologize that everything going good somehow offended you.. Have a good one.”

“You seemed snobby. Well because of the short answer. And I’m just sick of all the chicks on here thinking they are to good for everyone. I’m sorry if you was not being stuck up.”

I seemed snobby!?  Are you kidding me?

“Hmm – I am not sure how you can detect snobby from words on a screen (without the necessary sarcasm font) — but legit everything is good.”

“I’m sorry. I know I’m a prick! Your a gorgeous woman and I screwed that up, already! Lol! Well I wish you the best of luck hun.”

The user has since deleted his profile.

…What just happened?

Hello blog readers –  Today’s blog is a guest post by #31.  (For those of you who don’t know who #31 is – you can get caught up: http://wp.me/s1YpFN-31)    Enjoy!

So, our beloved Cat Lady has asked me a couple times to contribute to this blog…both to share some of my stories and to give a male perspective.  I’ll start off by saying that, in my observation, my half of the species has it better when it comes to online dating.  The women I talk to and meet from online dating sites tend to be attractive, smart, and overall pleasant people.  Sure, there are a few that make you want to bang your head against the desk and scream to the heavens in wonder as to how they’ve survived natural selection, but there is a lot less douchebaggery from the women than there is from the men.  Even at the speed dating event I went to with Cat Lady and J, a quick look around the room showed that the male clientele was rather substandard when compared to what the fairer sex had to offer.

However, this is a story about female douchebaggery.

I am on an online dating site dedicated to people of my religion.  I recently decided to subscribe, just to see who’s available among the Chosen People.  The next day, I had a message from a woman.  It was a form letter, but I checked out her profile anyway.  Very attractive, similar interests, lived close to me, etc.  What was peculiar is that shortly after viewing her profile, I got the same form letter a few hours later.  Suspecting a bot, I messaged her back with a few questions and some points from her profile.  Expecting a “I don’t like talking on here, we can video chat at sexxxkitten(.com)” or something like that, I was pleasantly surprised when i got her reply.  She was very engaging, had some cool stories, and likes kids (something a single dad tends to look for).  Excellent!  We talked for a few days about life, our faith, our hopes goals, all the good stuff.  We even made plans to meet for dinner and she was going to come with me to a local NHL game that I had an extra ticket for.  It should be noted that I am an avid hockey fan, and any woman who is gains uber points in my book.  Things were going well, we talked on the phone, she’d randomly send me a picture about once a day (fully clothed, if you must know).  The last one she sent, I complimented her on her looks (as I usually did).

And that was it.

I’ve probably sent three text messages since then (seriously, check my phone). All without response.  I’m not the kind to pine and whine and harass her on “Y U No Love Me No More” or any crap like that.  It’s been three days, so I’m just going to let it die.  The frustration here is, man or woman, if you’re going to straight up reject someone, have the chutzpah to at least notify the person.  It’s just polite.  I know I have female friends who complain about guys who just ditch them and I can affirm, it’s just as ridiculous when women do it.  No one of either gender likes the guessing games and the uncertainty.  If I’m not your type or you’ve found someone more compatible, then fine.  Just have the decency to let me know.  I’m a big boy, I can handle it.

-#31

Soon2BeCatLady would like to chime in that she saw a picture of said female, and this girl had crazy eyes.  He’s better off without her.

Chances are – if someone’s online dating profile is in English,  they live in America, and they only list English in the “languages” category –  sending them a message in Portuguese isn’t going to get you very far.

J got this message today:

” GOSTEI DE VC,DO DEU PERFIL PODERIAMOS NOS CONHECER MELHOR”

To which google translates into:

“LIKED THE VC’S PROFILE DEU Could weKNOW BETTER”

I know Google Translator is out there –  and it’s a wonderful thing..  but if you can’t spell in your language, Google Translator isn’t going to do too much good.   And what happens when you meet in person?  — It’d be like that F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode.. but hopefully I get to be Phoebe and hook up with the interpreter.  Haha!   …Or was that Monica?

And, for those interested:   J wrote back, in Portuguese, “I don’t know Portuguese, have a nice day.”  

I don’t understand why some guys take internet rejection so much to heart.  I know it sucks to be rejected –  but, it doesn’t mean you should call them fat, or be mean.   Shrug it off and move along to the next.

“Do you have any more pics?”

“Yes.”    – Seriously?   I mean, no, I only have ONE photo of myself.

“I would like to see them.  a full body shot.”

Now – I have blogged about this before – I don’t owe you anything, stranger.  And, if you are going trying to size me up as a piece of meat, no thank you.

“Wow.. demanding.”

“If you don’t want too, that is fine. Just saying.”

“Maybe if I had intentions of meeting you, or had you have asked instead of demanded.  Have a nice day.”

“Well, how attractive do you think I am?”

“You’re not unattractive – but you aren’t my type.”

“So…brad pitt isn’t your type? Is that what you are saying..”

“Right – Brad Pitt is not my type, nor do you look like Brad Pitt.”  

Honestly – and I have come across this in real life too-  why do guys take one person saying they slightly resemble someone and run with it?   This guy looks nothing like Brad Pitt..

“The point is, I am hot and you know it. Girls have said that I look similar with facial symmetry. Point is, you don’t like good looking/preppy dudes. You like the bottom of the barrel dudes who try to act good looking with their little bad boy style, when in reality, they just aren’t good looking and have to try and cover it up. How is it that 2 of my ex gf’s who danced for the [local pro football team here] dance team thought I was hot and you don’t?! Ha. You think you are more attractive then them? Don’t think so. Ha”

Oh boy, he sure told me!   Pretty sure I said nothing of the sort.  In his girlish request to tell him how attractive I think he is – I merely said he wasn’t my type.   I wasn’t even referring to his looks – I was referring to his personality of sizing me up like meat.  I certainly don’t think I am hotter than his (probably imaginary) dancer ex girlfriends.. and I definitely don’t feel like I tried to suggest such things.

But- what is the point in this?  Does responding that way make him think I may have a change of heart?   Am I supposed to turn around begging him to give me a chance?    Hmm… I may have to try that out sometime and see how that pans out.

“How much for a pair of your rank socks”

Gross…   I have absolutely nothing more to say about that..

So, I introduced you a little bit to #31 on my blog entry about my lovely speed dating experience.  I told you that you would be hearing more about him, and I don’t make promises I don’t intend to keep.   He DOES know that this blog entry was to come about, and did get his permission about it – just so you don’t think I am a cruel bitch.  I’m really not, I do tend to be quite reasonable.

#31 and I met on OKCupid at the end of November.   He sent me a message – which he has since used as a template when messaging other girls.. Right off the bat, #31 came with a deal-breaker.  He has a child.  Don’t get me wrong, I love kids!  I really want to have kids also,, but, I don’t really feel I am in the place to date someone who has one.  I was upfront with him right away that I wasn’t 100% sure on how I felt about that- and he was very respectable about it.

After the pre-screening process that we all do in online dating, or at least should do, we decided to meet up for drinks.  Granted it was months ago, but I recall us having a nice time.  We had exchanged full names prior to the meet-up and he had asked me if I had background checked him.   I actually did not.  He apparently did background check me though and brought up an expired license plate tab ticket I had received a few years ago.  (Although I feel it’s pretty normal – in his defense, he did say he had once met up with a girl who did have a warrant out for her arrest.. which he may have found out the hard way..)

We talked about our mutual favorite TV show,  I demanded he watch my 2nd favorite show, The Big Bang Theory (to which is now a favorite of his as well..)  and we both expressed that we REALLY wanted to go see “The Muppets.”   We would have went that night if there had been anymore showings.  Instead, we gave each other a hug and parted ways.

The next night, he had sent me a text message stating he was hungry and close by my neighborhood.   I went to meet up – and if I hadn’t been awkward the first time we met (I assure you I was, I just don’t remember specifics..)  I DEFINITELY was this time.   A second meet-up in two days – I didn’t want that to mean anything that it shouldn’t.   I had already had dinner, so I had a soda, and wouldn’t allow him to pay for it.   When he walked me to my car, I extended my arm out as far as it would go for a goodbye handshake.  (And also in the most awkward way possible.)   He made some comment along the lines of “Fine, you can’t have a hug goodbye, then.”  and I then went in for the hug.   He may have moved away, and I may or may not have fell over.

Surprisingly enough,  we made plans to go see “The Muppets” and did so about a week later.  We high-fived during the “Are you a Man or a Muppet?” scene when Jim Parsons (or Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory) made a cameo.

The 4th time we hung out was at my house.  I ordered a pizza and we watched The Big Bang Theory.  For those of you familiar with the characters, it was the episode of Howard and Bernadette’s 3rd date.   Bernadette says to Howard, “I know what the 3rd date generally means… sex.”   Suddenly things, at least for me, got really uncomfortable FAST.  I was literally mortified, and could have died on the spot.  #31 turns to me and says, “By the way, I am sorry I haven’t made the first move yet..” He then reached his hand across my couch and continued, “We could hold hands if you want, I’m just sayin’.. it’s right here.”   Still just incredibly mortified, I responded “Nah, I’m alright.”

The fact that #31 ever talked to me again after that still just floors me.  He proves that there are good guys out there.  (And I am pretty sure every girl reading this is probably yelling at their screen right now, telling me I am a moron for not snatching this one up.)

We did go out a few more times, and mutually decided it really wasn’t a good fit –  however, after the fact, #31 told me he never considered our dates actual dates.  But, as previously stated, we have become good friends – and if we both can’t find anyone better by the time we’re 40 – we’ll probably get married.   In the meantime, to ensure that doesn’t happen – I am in control of his OKC page, and I am on the hunt for an awesome girl for him.

#31 – did I leave anything out?

In case you have already forgotten about the tool I had the pleasure of dealing with just two short days ago, you can familiarize yourself here: https://soon2becatlady.com/2012/03/06/douchebag-alert/

I think by not texting him, I put his ego through the blender.

“Hey Playa”

“You certainly know the way to a girl’s heart.”

“Not trying for your heart.  I don’t date players.  Only a player or someone desperate would go to speed dating.    Someone that wants to meet 30 people in 30 minutes either has her legs open non stop or is a player and not serious about a relationship.”

“If you say so.”

“I’m obviously u are trying to get as many dates and free meals as possible.  Have some class.  Meet one and get to know that person.”

Haha- how little he knows me..  (See: https://soon2becatlady.com/2012/02/13/so-youre-on-your-okcupid-date/)

“Actually quite the opposite.  I never allow anyone to pay my way.  Maybe you should ask questions and not assume.  I also think your logic is flawed.. if I was looking for a free meal, why didn’t I text you?  Or suggest we go have dinner?”

“Because you already met 30 people from speed dating.  They already had a train running on u”

Oh yeah… That’s why…

“I met 7 people at speed dating and don’t anticipate seeing any of those people again.  I guess that makes me a whore.”

“Well anyone that does speed dating is either a slut or desperate.  And you said you are not a slut so……”

“Again.. flawed logic.   But you have already said you aren’t interested, so can I help you?”

“I am interested you are sexy”

“And you think I would be interested after you have spent the entire day trying to offend me?  Oh… Riiiiiight… because I’m desperate.”

“Have u looked at my pics.  Yeah kind of hot”

Haha-  he totally isn’t… but that’s beside the point..

“I elect for the less attractive nice guy over the “kind of hot” douchebag any day.  But best of luck to you.”

“You are right.  I am not kind of hot.  I am scorching hot.  8 inch cock too.  You can have your average guy with small weiner.”

“Great, thanks!  Have a nice day.”

“I know and it’s curved.  You never have seen a monster like this.”

….And nor do I plan to….

“Can I ask u something really twisted?”  was a message sent to me at 6:00 AM, from someone I have never spoken to in my life.

“Oh, I suppose.”    (If nothing else, I can blog about it, right?)

“When was the last time u had sex?”

Umm… wtf?   “Why are you inquiring?”

“just wondering”

“Odd thing to wonder about a stranger..”

“Yeah but ur a good looking woman lol”

“Well.. I am curious as to what you would say if I gave you an answer to that question.   Additionally, I don’t know what being a ‘good looking woman’ really has to do with your question.”

“If you answer u will get an answer lol”

“so whens the last time those hot legs were open?”

“I guess we will both die wondering.”

Seriously?  That’s really weird.   And – I would imagine he wasn’t drunk – because although the conversation started at 6:00 am,  I do have one of those job things – so, this conversation took about 6 hours in total.

So, when I got home, I decided to look up his profile.

Cute guy looking for a serious relationship only. I’m not interested in casual acquaintances or more friends. I want to meet a woman whose interested in a real, long-term relationship and all the thrills that go with that – holidays, romance, and fun of course.

Hmm….  Why don’t I believe that?