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Did You Just Call Me Fat?

18 May

This has been weighing (no pun intended) on my mind the past few days.. so I figured I best get it out there.   This one, in particular, is for my female readers.

I had #31 and his roommate over the other day for some grilling and a bonfire.  When I asked him if he was going to be bringing the meat, he replied with “a big slab, naturally.”   Overall, good times were had.

But – while grilling, #31 said to me, “This is kind of awkward, and I never know how to bring this stuff up..”  I raised my eyebrow, and he continued, “You’ve lost some weight.”  Indeed, I have been shedding a few pounds by watching what I eat, and working out.. so I responded a “Heck yeah!” and we high-fived.. and I then proceed to ask why that was awkward to bring up.

Both #31 and his roommate said that girls get offended when they have mentioned weight loss before.   I understood what they meant right away by playfully saying “OMG, are you trying to say I used to be FAT?!”  .. because I KNOW that’s what girls say.

Ladies –  What is wrong with you (us)?  If a guy has noticed you have lost weight, say THANK YOU..  It’s a compliment.  I am going to speak on behalf of the guys (and Guys: If I am wrong, feel free to comment..)  and tell you that this means you look good, and your hard work is paying off (if you are attempting to lose weight).  It does not mean “Wow, I used to think you looked like a cow.”

I understand that if you haven’t been trying to lose weight, or haven’t lost weight, and someone tells you this that it kind of throws you for a loop.  Can we not read into it, though, and give people the benefit of the doubt?   People are going to stop complimenting if they get attacked when they do so..  so take a deep breath, eat some chocolate and drink some wine.

Oooh… chocolate and wine…  Gotta go!

The Dating Game

24 Feb

Who knows if it even airs anymore, but I always loved watching “The Dating Game” on TV.  For those who never saw it,  there are 3 guys behind a screen and the girl asks them all questions and at the end of the show, picks one to be her date.

And behold. there is a new online dating website that essentially lets you be a contestant on the show – minus the whole TV part.   It started in Australia and has just this week opened up to the entire world.   I found out about it because one of the founders happens to read my blog and had sent me an e-mail addressing a question I posted on here once.   We got to talking, and I learned about his site.. and ta-da!  Now I’m telling you about it.

I am quite impressed with this site, especially if you consider there are only two guys operating it.   It seems like a site with a much bigger company behind it.   Right now, the girls ask the questions to 3 guys, and ultimately pick one to chat with.  For those of you wanting to try it out,  I want to “warn” you about a few things:

Ladies –  you have to think of the questions, with the exception of the first which is a generic “Hey, how are you?” type message.   While they do have suggestions, it’s fun to have your own ready.  You will also spend a few minutes selecting pictures of “Who would you rather talk to”..  when 3 of those you have selected are online, that’s when the question section will start.   (You won’t know which 3 it is..)

Guys – You won’t get to see the girl either.   And you have 40 seconds to answer each question.   I have heard if a female selects you to potentially chat with (or, selects your photo over the “other guy”) you will get an e-mail telling you that you have 90 seconds to get on that website.   That being said,  girls are likely to pick a photo of a person, and not a cartoon.   Pick your best photo!

Right now, this site has just gone global.   When talking with one of the founders, there are currently more guys signed up than girls –  and until many many more people sign up – you’ll be matched with someone far away.. (Perhaps even out of the country.)    I would advise if you like the concept, sign up, chat with some people and spread the word.   Soon, this could be a way to find a date on a random Tuesday night.

There are a lot of new things to come with this website, but keep in mind again, it’s run by TWO GUYS by themselves!   (My favorite feature that is allegedly coming soon is that you can pick your age range..  So far, I’ve been matched with young puppies.)

Sign up anyway-  who knows.. maybe you’ll get to talk to me!  (And it’s free.. at least for now!)

www.7pmanywhere.com

 

 

OKCupid’s New App: Crazy Blind Date

16 Jan

As I hopped on to OKCupid from my fancy smart phone this morning, I was alerted that OKCupid has launched a brand new app called Crazy Blind Date, and that I should check it out.  — And you KNOW I did.

I definitely feel I need some more time with the app – but these are my opinions and observations thus far:

It’s not really a blind date if it’s a 16 piece puzzle of your main OKCupid picture.  As I was browsing those who have already signed up and put up date locations, I knew who most of them were.  (I couldn’t tell you their usernames, but I know I had seen their face before..)  However,  a nifty feature is that you can elect to take a photo with your camera phone and use that instead, or a photo from your camera gallery.  This makes it a bit more blind than the default OKC pic.

I don’t know if it’s my phone, or the app, or a combination of both – but when I set up to say “I am free this day” and try to search for a place (powered by Foursquare, which seems like a good idea..)  it tells me I have no internet connection.. even though it picks out where I am on the map, and suggests places nearby.  (And no, OKCupid, I refuse to suggest to meet random strangers at a place called The Sex Pit.. but thank you, really.)

Because I am OKCupid’s longest standing member.. (haha!)  I got a message on the regular app from someone I went out with once saying he saw me on the new Blind Date app.   So, to figure out how this works,  I clicked “Set up a date” with him, and he accepted.   Apparently,  I can send him a message through the Blind Date app only an hour before our meet-up time, which indicates to me that this really isn’t going to work for setting up something further out than RIGHT NOW… which also indicates to me that this is really just local broadcasts without getting to learn what the other looks like or has to say about his or herself.

The other options once setting up a date is to cancel said date.  So, I clicked that and immediately messaged my buddy to see if it gives him the “reason” I cancelled.   The options I could choose were “This time doesn’t work for me”, “This is too far away” or “I’m just not interested.”   The verdict?   Unknown –  according to him, our date has not been cancelled.   Hmm…   That could be a problem.  (UPDATE:  It does not disclose your reasoning for cancelling, but does take awhile to inform your date that you are bailing.)

The only other major downfall I am seeing right now is this:  I put out that I was free on Thursday, around a particular area.  I did this as a test, and I am  actually not free at this time.  I cannot find a way to remove this “broadcast.”   Granted, doesn’t actually matter, because I won’t be there.. but, an inconvenience nevertheless.   (CORRECTION:  You can cancel it on the actual OKCupid website.)

I guess the last thing I have to say right now on it is this:   Sometimes, people on the internet are weird.. (see rest of blog..)   Meeting someone off the internet with no background information does seem a little scary.   I would/will because I am fearless –  but, I would suggest if you use this – bring a friend, or a gun..  Better be safe than a statistic.

Let me know your thoughts/stories on it!

You All Tawkify Wrong!

10 Oct

I have told you all about Tawkify several times.. but to recap,  Tawkify.com is a website that basically sets you up on blind phone calls/walks/mystery dates – and they also take into account your Klout score, if you have one.   I will say time and time again that I enjoy this concept.

You can all search my blog for Tawkify to get more blogs about my experiences and thoughts about it..   but – I need to tell you Men on Tawkify..  YOU TAWKIFY ALL WRONG!!

I have had over a handful of Tawkify phone dates (most of which have gone well), and I have YET to meet any of these guys in person.    What are you guys doing?! Didn’t you sign up for this service to at the very least meet new people?   Honestly,  I am super curious to find out if any of these phone matches I have are people I would click with in real life.

All but ONE of these guys has my phone number!   And most have fallen off the planet.. without really ever communicating after the initial phone set up.   Gentlemen,  I strongly encourage you to sign up for Tawkify — but the rule is, if a girl interests you on the phone,  freaking meet up for coffee or something!   (Spoiler alert:  If you have her phone number, SHE WILL SAY YES.)

I can’t believe I have to spell this out..

(And I am seriously anxiously awaiting the day one of my phone dates asks me if I am the CatLady.. haha!)

A Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend

3 Oct

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

Hi.  It’s me, CatLady.. You know, the girl who’s heart you put through the shredder, blender and then shredder again.  If you recall, you gave me “It’s not you, it’s me” line, and gave me absolutely no closure whatsoever.  We dated a really long time, so I must tell you –  that whole situation was pretty crappy.   It’s been quite a while since that happened.  I’ve been alright.  I’ve been writing a relatively popular blog, and meeting lots of new people – not that you’ve asked whenever I have seen you since you ripped my heart out.

I must say I was surprised to see your face pop up as an “awesome match nearby” for me the other day.  Not that I am surprised we are an awesome match, and not that I am surprised that you are online dating..  I mean more so the “punched in the gut” feeling of surprise.  I hope if/when you see my profile that you also feel punched in the gut.  Really, it would really only be fair.

Did I look at your profile?  Of course I did.  I’m a girl, and therefore a little nutty around the edges.  Your pictures are horrible.. but kudos for not putting one of the two of us up.  If that happens, you just may get this letter in person. (Please remember that I have never once yelled at you..)  The questions you have answered are interesting..  I feel I know you quite well, and either you are lying in a bunch of the questions, or have multiple personalities.  You really think you go “out of your way” to show someone you care for them?  That’s funny.  I would be interested to hear some examples of this, because you certainly have not done that with me.  I think you’re capable of going out of your way to be kind if you want to.. but, I wouldn’t say it’s common.   Anyway, I am not trying to be a bitch.. just some observations..

I thought I had sewn my heart up quite nicely, but seeing your face pop up there sure made me realize there are a few loose ends.  ”They say” it takes half of the relationship time to get over it..  so, me not being entirely over it yet could be considered normal.   Truth be told, I am happy where I am at.  You don’t consume all of me anymore.

Everybody laughed when I told them you popped up as a good match for me.  No one understands just how much it stings.  (I’m not even sure why it stings so much..)  I understand that it’s funny too,  but it hurts far more than it’s funny right now.   Hopefully I get to the point where the funny reigns supreme – today is not that day.  For now, I’ll just pick up the pieces and figure out what to do with them later.  I do truly want you to be happy.

That’s all, I guess.

Love,

Soon2BeCatLady

P.S.  Your lack of grammatical and spelling skills will be a deal-breaker for intelligent people online dating.. and I know you want someone intelligent. Use your spell check.   — And don’t say I never helped you with anything.

Intense Connection – Part Deuce

23 Sep
Hi folks, Velvet here…
Most importantly, CatLady has me on the twitter now, so ya’ll should follow me. Because I have, like, 17 followers and it is kind of pathetic. @Velvet_licious. Do it-you know you wanna.
But, those few (awesome!) followers became aware of and requested a blog entry about an update about my Intense Connection. (If you didn’t read the first one, scroll down and do so) CatLady made you all aware of my apparent ability to make people I find ZERO attraction to fall deeply and madly and instantly in love with me. This guy is just…well…a little over the top? I have the distinct impression he is one of those dudes who goes around saying “Nice Guys Finish Last” and doesn’t realize that it has NOTHING to do with the fact that he is a nice guy, and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that he is desperately clingy! And trust me, folks- if I think you are clingy-you have serious issues. I am the girl who ADORES daily messages and sappy, mushy, lovey-dovey Facebook status updates and shit.
WHY do I think he is over the top and a teensy bit unbalanced? Because he sent me a 6 paragraph, 870 word (I was curious, so I pasted it into a Word doc…) email today. Mind you, this was after I sent him that very up front and polite message letting him know I am not interested, since he didn’t get the many MANY hints I gave him in person during our date.
What. The. Hell???
I was going to just copy the whole thing here. BUT I thought that was a little past mean into the bitchy zone. So instead, let me summarize for you:
Dearest Velvet,
*Paragraph 1… stating that he really really really (yes, he used 3 reallys) enjoyed getting to know me
*Paragraph 2… listing all of the things he wished he had said and done while on the date with me (mind you, not one of the things he listed would have changed a thing-no spark is no spark buddy)
*Paragraph 3… THIS is the one everyone should learn from. He went into GREAT detail about what a “spineless, rude, self centered, inconsiderate mushball” he was, and how he was really only himself for about 10 minutes, and he really hopes that I will give him another chance. Gee, with THAT glowing self recommendation, sign me the heck up!! Everyone: if a date doesn’t go well, pointing out all the things about you that suck will NOT make the memory of that bad date any shinier.
*Paragraph 4… here is where even if I had been thinking to myself, “Velvet, this guy obviously is really sweet on you, maybe you should just check your hotsy totsy self and give it another go!” This here is where he immediately got planted firmly in the same wackadoodle nutcase as Meow Man. He went on for 128 words about how since I like to people watch (something I mentioned on our date, to try to make him feel better about the super awkward silence while we stared off into the crowd) I should try hanging out at this fetish bar in the city near my hometown, so I could watch “people who pay to get whipped, electrocuted, etc” WHAT??? Who suggests that??
*Paragraph 5… Yeah, I kept reading. I don’t know why. This paragraph was when he explained how everyone can have a bad day, and if I could wait a while so I could forget how bad that was, and somehow go back to the way I felt before the date, I should really consider it. Unless the lack of chemistry was because he is shorter than me, then I could just skip it. Really? I can? I have your freakin nutty permission? GEE THANKS!
*Paragraph 6… He promised he wouldn’t try to contact me again, because he didn’t want me to think that “this spineless mushball was a stalker, too”
And this, folks, is why I may be moving in with CatLady and all of her furry little friends…
(CatLady would like to comment that if this had been her, she would have been a “bitch” and posted the actual message.)

Why Girls Don’t Make the First Move

19 Sep

Before reading, you must be sure you are familiar with Super Hot POF Guy.

Despite what I had thought originally,  Super Hot POF Guy’s insanely attractive good looks did not bring out the extra awkward in me.   The first time we met for drinks, I was slightly guarded, since meeting people off the internet is scary sometimes.  But, the 2nd time (a month later) was fine –  I got to look at his gorgeous face, and we conversed very easily about a wide variety of topics. (Which oddly enough, included silk bed sheets…  so I feel like there was flirtation involved.)  But-  nothing happened..

So, another month later, when I was invited to a baseball game with two other couples.. I decided I really had nothing to lose by asking Super Hot POF Guy to accompany me.   The phone call itself was nerve-wracking,  and I spoke fast and I know I also said, “This doesn’t have to be a date.”   (Guys:  If a girl seems awkward asking.. even if she says it’s not a date:  It’s a date.)  Super Hot POF Guy agreed to go.  Yes!  Now at very least, I had a good reason to get my picture taken with him!   (I also want to throw out there that there wasn’t silence in between meeting him and calling him..  just so I don’t look like a huge freak.)

Remember a long time ago when I told you that girls plan out everything?  True to form, I came up with a brilliant plan.

We got to the game, found our group, took our photo and settled in.  “Oh,  just a warning, Super Hot POF Guy..  if that kiss cam points in our direction, I WILL be attacking your face.”   I figured saying something as such would a) give me permission to attack his face if the kiss cam made an appearance, or at very least b) give him an open invitation.    What I had failed to consider was this response:  “My girlfriend might have a problem with that.”  

Well, geez.. THAT wasn’t uncomfortable AT ALL.

You will be pleased to know that the kiss cam, luckily, did not point in our direction.   But the rest of the game certainly got a little awkward, as well as the walk back to the car, and the ride home.

…And that’s why it will be awhile before I will grow another set of balls and make the first move again.

 

***After a few Twitter comments, I feel the need to clarify:  I don’t think Super Hot POF Guy is a douche-bag.  I think it’s commendable that he put a stop to anything happening…  AND – I did tell him it wasn’t a date…  I think it’s just more hilarious that I always tend to get myself in awkward situations.

Let’s Talk about Twitter

16 Sep

I freaking love the Twitter..   You learn so much more about a person through what they tweet about, and how they interact with the world in 140 characters than you do reading a bio.   The bio on OKCupid (or POF) is someone awkwardly sitting at their computer, trying to dig deep into themselves to put their best foot forward.   People on Twitter (well, active users anyway..)  talk and converse about interesting things.  And there’s no pressure.

I would like to propose the concept of finding someone who fascinates you, who you don’t get to see a lot of pictures of.   I have two pretty big Twitter crushes (one slightly more prominent than the other), and sadly these guys are not in my area..   but, even so, I know that I’d be very comfortable meeting up with them.  (As well as a few others on Twitter that I am not Twitter-crushing on. – And for those of you who follow my Twitter closely, I will not be confirming or denying anything…)

I think OKCupid should have an option to allow your twitter feed to show on your profile.   (Granted –  for me – I’d have to use my personal Twitter to stay anonymous, and that one is not nearly as fun as my CatLady Twitter..)

Here’s an example:   Those of you who closely follow my Twitter know who I consider to be my Twitter boyfriend.  (Those of you who don’t will just have to follow me on Twitter.)  I have had the opportunity to see his OKCupid profile, and of course, I follow him on Twitter as well.    His OKC profile gives a nice summary of things he finds interesting, but based on his Twitter account – I know that he is passionate about programming.  He could easily write on his profile that he is passionate about programming, but his Twitter account makes me understand the passion.  (He does it for work, and for fun on the weekends.)

If I didn’t follow him on Twitter, I wouldn’t know that he orders out for every meal of the day, and I certainly wouldn’t know how easy it is to make him digitally squirm.  (Teeheehee!)  If his Twitter feed were on his OKCupid profile,  someone interested would be able to grasp a bit more of his personality, and maybe understand that he will spend a lot of time being a nerdy programmer.  Certainly would save a girl lot of time if that would be a deal-breaker.

I have always said I’m more apt to find a boyfriend via Twitter than an online dating website.    (Too bad he lives so far away… haha!  Kidding, Twitter Boyfriend..)

So – anyway…  OKCupid – you are welcome for my genius idea.

 

Not Scary at All

10 Sep

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for love, I can tell you I don’t have any interest. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you setup a date and have sex with me, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”

I can only hope that this guy really just has some sick twisted humor and he isn’t serious..  but, this sort of stuff is not cool.   No girl should need to feel threatened on the internet.

Safety is a big deal when it comes to the internet, folks.   Sure, I meet a lot of people from OKCupid, and have met two of POF..  but, I make sure I have safety measures in place.   1)  Google Voice.  No one is getting my real number until I am secure in them not being a wack-job.   GV gives me full control.   2)  Making sure a friend knows where I am, and does a check in – either by phone, or showing up at the place.   And if for some reason a friend is not available,  3) Carry a gun.  No one needs to know how bad-ass you are,  unless there is a need for you to be bad-ass.

(For the record – I am understanding this dude’s message to be a movie quote.. Nevertheless – inappropriate.)

I Need Your Expertise

9 Sep

No funny message today, but figured since I tend to get a fair amount of comments, I could ask you all for your advice.

The problem is this:   When I go out on OKCupid dates, or what have you..  The date ends and I either like the person enough to at least go out again, or I have no interest what-so-ever.   Sometimes I fall in the middle, but I’m not asking about those times.

And this is what happens almost no-fail, everytime:     CatLady had a nice time and would be interested in going out again..   Date either falls off the planet or lets her know he isn’t interested.    OR:   CatLady really isn’t interested, and Date is pretty much in love with CatLady and won’t leave her alone.   (For the record, if I am kind-of “Not sure, I could take it or leave it..”,  I generally hear from the person again.)

I very rarely get passed the “first date.”

I guess my question is.. How does a female indicate she had a nice time, and is interested in hanging out again, without being the one to have to make “the move” – and without being overly invested?  (Hey, I get it – sometimes he’s just not interested..)   I also want to clarify, when I AM interested in seeing the person again, I don’t think I am psycho about it..  Maybe I’m too nonchalant?

Tips.. Advice.. Anything… GO!

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