Tag Archives: plenty of fish

Feminazi.

8 Sep

It just never ends, does it?

Today’s interaction is with a 22 year old male, who apparently doesn’t have a head.  Just a torso.  It appears as though he has probably been working out for about a month or so.. slightly defined, but nothing he should be bragging about.

“Into younger guys?”

“I’m not sure what you mean by that question.”

“I mean do you want a sexy athletic 22 year old to fuck your brains out or not?”

“Why would I want that from someone I don’t know?”

“because I’m insanely attractive  and it would feel so good.”

“I’ve not fucked many ‘insanely attractive’ guys that I DO know.  Your logic stands to no reason.”

“Before you insult my logic reread your sentence and try to type coherent.  Your logic is nonexistent”

I had a few moments of self doubt after reading that message..  But, I think my sentence made sense.

“Let me retype it for you, then:

I have (I’ve) not fucked many of the ‘insanely attractive’ (I am quoting your description of yourself here..) guys (males, men, boys) that I do know.  (As in guys that I know in real life.  I DO know them, versus you who I do not.)

So, if I won’t fuck them, and they are ‘insanely attractive’ (which can also be proven as I have seen their face..) Why do you think I would fuck *you* for that reason?

Does my sentence make better sense to you now?  🙂  (<– this indicates this was not said bitchily.  It is a smiley face.)”

“I do not think you would.  whoever said i thought you would fuck me? putting words into my head now?  I hate to be a misogynistic asshole guy but sometimes my physiology gets the best of me.  Yeah I think you’re attractive and I would totally love to fuck you to be straightforward.”

“How have I put words in your head?  You asked if I was into younger guys and when I questioned that, you clarified by saying ‘I mean do you want a sexy athletic 22 year old to fuck your brains out or not?’   … Were you asking for a friend or something?”

“I never once implied the slightest that I thought you would fuck me.”

“I can’t imagine your logic was ‘There is no way she’ll ever have sex with me.. I better ask her to be sure.’ “

“I’m not sober.  Idk what I was thinking and I don’t like arguing so i’m done”

“Okay.  Have a nice life.”

“Feminazi.  Fuck off.”

 

Umm…… ???

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No Bitterness Detected

29 Aug

Kudos to @DatingMary who came across this profile, that shows absolutely no hint of bitterness or frustration whatsoever:

About Me:

I am looking for a woman who will:

– Turn down the radio when I am driving in traffic to tell me about your friend who always seems to date the same types of jerks because she’s an idiot

– Change the playoff game so that you can watch a rerun of Gossip Girl

– Ask a lot of questions during movies

– Ensure everyone understands how bad animal products are

– Leave her face on my pillow case when she goes home so it’s like she’s still there

 

Inquire within.  Thank you.  Management

 

If you are applying, please include the following obligatory pictures of you:

– Kissing a dolphin

– In the color race

– Skydiving

– With a statue or wax figure

– By the pool or on the beach taking a picture of your “legs and feet”

– In your car from an angle so it shows the backseat…. preferably with a child in the back

– Taking a selfie with your cleavage being front and center while your profile clearly states you will not respond to booty calls or “hey sexy”

Extra credit for pictures of your dogs and cats by themselves, bonus points if they are dressed up

Geez… trouble in paradise much?

Aside from not being in the same part of the world, I wouldn’t be a good match with him, because I only have one of his required photos (which I am now considering removing..)

I certainly hope he finds what he is looking for.  Be careful what you wish for, ya’ll!

 

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Online Dating A.D.D.

26 Aug

The following messages come from a gentleman who, according to his profile, is an intellectual:

“Love your profile”

“Thanks.”

“Want to get coffee some timr”

“Based merely on that you love my profile?”

“Ya.  I think he is thinking because you look kind of sassy”

“Oh.  Is that what he thinks?”

“Ya. I think you need one;)”

“Need one what?”

“A spanking”

“Wow. That’s rude.”

“I’m sorry. Giovanno”

 

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Ask Me Anything

18 Aug

I had the following interaction with a 25 year old from California.  If you have been paying attention, you are aware that California is pretty far away from me.

“Hi there how are you this evening

My name is [Name]

Would you like to talk and get to know each other

Ask me anything you would like to know about me

You look absolutely gorgeous BTW :)”

 

“Okay.  Question 1.  How many chicken nuggets can you fit in your mouth at one time?”


“Five. You?”   

(Wow.. that’s not impressive at all…)

 

“I have never attempted this.

Question 2.  What are your thoughts on the death of Elvis Presley? (Minimum 50 words)”

 

He neglected to respond to that one.. So much for ask me anything.

So – what have we learned?    That it’s totally acceptable to ask one how many chicken nuggets they can fit in their mouth.. but it’s still too soon to bring up the loss of the King of Rock and Roll.

 

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Dirty Old Man

5 Aug

I’ve grown to expect gross messages from young hornballs, but it still boggles my mind when someone who could easily be my father based on age sends something disgusting..   Aren’t we supposed to mature with age?

Please guys, strive not to be the dirty old pervert.

 

“Do you ever just want to get laid good for a day or two?”

“Aren’t you old enough to now better than to ask such a thing to a lady?”

For those of you that didn’t catch that – my response should have indicated that I wasn’t amused and the conversation shouldn’t continue.

“You look like a girl that would like a good wild fuck.”

I understand that not many of you know who I am, or what I look like – but I assure you, I don’t come across that way at all – online or in the real life.

“Well, Pops.. Looks can be deceiving.”

“You’re awfully picky for a fat girl”

Haha!  Bash in a male’s ego and regardless of age, he’ll try to offend you by calling you fat.

“But only one of us really has a shot at getting laid by a stranger from the internet.. And spoiler alert:  It’s not you.”

“It ain’t you either weirdo”

“Lucky for me, that’s not what I’m looking for.   Anything else you care to try to offend me with?”

“Look at you wash your face little [conservative/liberal] piglet”
(In reference to [conservative/liberal] — Pick your favorite – I’m not getting into it on here..  This blog is politically neutral.)

“Well, that’s probably the most offensive so far, as not one fat ounce of me is [conservative/liberal].   Have a good rest of your life, Sir.”

 

Gentlemen – if nothing else, learn how to respect the “fairer” sex.  You’ll have much better luck all around.

 

 

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Extremely Kinky

27 Jun

“Hey how’s it going?  Saw your profile and wanted to say hello and see if you felt like chatting at all.  If you want to feel free to message me back!  Also if you don’t mind me asking but what’s the most private thing you’ve done.  I mean that sexually.  I only want to know because I am an extremely kinky person.”

“How very kind of you to grant me permission to respond to you if I so desired!  You should be given a medal for your chivalry!  — If I shared with you the most private thing I have done sexually, I am afraid it wouldn’t be private anymore, and I just can’t have that.  But, I must comment on the rarity of your type.  A 22 year old male who considers himself kinky?!  Unheard of!”

“Thanks.  Well I’m extremely kinky.”

And perhaps extremely stupid, as well, as he proceeded to ask if I would do things to him with a strap-on.  (I’ll be the first to admit I’m probably not the kinkiest person on the planet… but.. is that really an “extremely kinky” request?   I mean, I’ve definitely had weirder requests.)

But, seriously, you guys..  I HAVE FOUND THE ONLY KINKY 22 YEAR OLD MALE ALIVE!   Do I get a prize?

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Actually – I Have Seven.

23 Jun

“Pussy!”

“Did you just call me a pussy?”

“Just saying you have one and I bet it’s wonderful.”

 

I would challenge this individual to try this method of picking up girls in public, and to film said attempt for my viewing pleasure.    Or ladies, perhaps try the opposite by messaging, or approaching someone and yelling “DICK!”   Bet they wouldn’t be on the defense at all.

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Shorthand Text

12 Jun

I get that when it comes to smart phones, texting and social media – shorthand can be helpful, and sometimes necessary.  But shortening up every word seems as though it would take a lot of work, is difficult to read, and makes you appear uneducated.

“u look to good”

“Thank you.”   (Why I bothered, I have no idea..)

“but i really need to get to no u

can u b my good looking friend”

“You also really need to learn how to spell.. No offense.”

“i no mhow to spell i just dont like textn words so i shortn umup”

You will not convince me for one second that it would have taken longer to actually write/type out these words.  If he was on a smartphone, which, if “sent from mobile” is any indication.. I am sure auto-correct was attempting to have a hay-day with this nonsense.

“so wats good wit u iam not about to act all proper to tlk to u”

What!?   Fellas –  you can’t tell a girl that you HAVE to get to “no” her, and then essentially tell her that you’re not going to play by her rules to do so.   Not that I ever said that he had to “act all proper” to talk to me, but if he’s going to make my brain hurt to interact with him – No thanks.

…He “doesn’t like to text words“…

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Did You Write That Yourself?

7 Jun

“Hit me back, just to chat, let’s make some plans, its in your hands.  If you swiped the wrong way, its okay, just let me know and I’ll go away.  Your beautiful, just give the chance, could be romance.  Never know, let’s just give it a go.  Get to know each other, that’s the only way to know, its destinies fate, so don’t hate, hit me back, just to chat!”

Uhhhh…….

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Salad Tossing and Insults.

31 May

**I ought to clarify that my lovely podcast co-host informed me what “Salad Tossing” actually means…  This guy was not into salad tossing – or at least not that I know of..   I’m so dumb sometimes!**

Internet dating is so amusing, and I get closer to taking the leap and adopting a cat every single day.   When I told this online dater “No” for the third and final time,  he demanded that I at least insult him in a creative way.  If that wasn’t asking to be put on my blog, I don’t know what is:

“Your masks freak me out.  But I’d like to go down on you”

I really wasn’t sure what to respond to that.  Two very different, and two very bold statements.  I chose to reference one, and not the other.

“Given that I am not wearing any masks in my photos, it’s apparently my face that freaks you out.”

“So when can I hit it?”

Smoooth, dude.

“Never.”

“That’s too bad.  I eat pussy like no one you’ve ever met.”

“You don’t know that.”  (I can only imagine you guys don’t all get together and dish about how awesome you are at “dinner beneath the bridge”… but, I’ve been wrong before..?   But, I could easily argue that this gentleman has never met everyone I’ve ever met, nor know the quality of their bedroom skills. I know I certainly don’t.)

“Well I know I’m good.  I have references”

“I would assume such a thing is subjective.”

“I’ll let you be the judge”

“No thanks.”

For those of you men who think this might be a good technique for you to use.. I’d recommend stopping at this point, and not go on as this fool did.

“I can guarantee satisfaction”

“No you can’t.”

“Well you must be a dyke.  Happy hunting”

Right… if all else fails, attempt to insult her.. That should work.

“Well, naturally, any female that doesn’t want you is a lesbian.”

“Do you want me to tongue punch your dick mitten or not?”

I give up.

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