Archive | Tinder RSS feed for this section

Interesting Approach..

17 Nov

On OKCupid,  it doesn’t take long to recognize people that visit your profile constantly.  This first message came from someone who, according to my visitor list, never looked at my profile. (Although, not possible since he would have had to in order to send a message.)

“Quit being a bitch.”

This message really caught me off guard.  My profile has always been well-received, and I don’t have the “Responds VERY Selectively” red light of death.

Since I certainly don’t consider myself a bitch, I responded, “Only if you quit being nice.”   (Get it?  Because he wasn’t being nice!)

And within eight hours, he deactivated his OKCupid profile.

This mystery remains unsolved.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Being Offensive on Tinder

8 Nov

I’m going to put on my psychologist hat for half a second, and presume that the boy that sent these messages really was looking forward to me flipping out on him.   I must have ruined his entire evening when I did not.

“Your first photo makes me one to crank one out into your mouth and all over your face.  Then have you make me a sandwich and I’ll eat it and go home.”

I really can’t imagine someone sends something like that and expects it to happen.  I decided to play along.

“That sounds like an excellent plan.  When works for you?”

“Actually just looked at your other pics and changed my mind!  I can send a couple black guys over to do it for me”

I don’t know if there was some hidden meaning in there I should have caught that should have been offensive towards me?  I was still going to play along and not go according to his plan of me freaking out.

“Even better!”

“Like anal?  You strike me as a girl who takes it in the servants entrance”

“Oh yeah, all the time.”

“Let them blow loads up your ass?”

“Why not?  ..But only on Wednesdays!”

..And then he gave up and blocked me.  Screen shots for the win!

What an asshole, though.  Some people don’t deserve clean air.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Persistence

5 Nov

This morning while getting ready for work, my phone beeped that I had a new Tinder match, and not ten seconds later, that I had a new Tinder message.


“Let’s make out!”

Goodness.. it was 7AM.

“How does that work?  Do we lick our phone screens or something?”

“No we hang out and actuslly make out lol”

“Well, that won’t be possible, because I have work.”

“Ha ok after work lol”

“No can do, I have plans.”   (Yeah.. plans to blog about you..)

“I see. Quickie before work?”

“That’s also going to be a no.”

“Too bad.”

What did you do today, Dude?  “I tried to convince girls to make out with me all day on Tinder.”  GET A JOB!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Once a Month..

9 Oct

You know a person takes online dating SUPER seriously when their initial message to you says:

“Im pooping”

I was bored enough to see where this was going to go.

“Congratulations!  Thank you for the update.”

“U  know whatdestiny is?”

(Oh my God, if it has something to do with pooping…..)

“I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

“its a ps4 game”

“Alright.”

“Anticlimactic”  (Uhh… yeah.. you’re tellin’ me.)

“Anythimg interestimg in the world?”

“I’m pretty sure you just told me the only two interesting things that have ever happened.”

“lol wut i mean like, whats up but more complicated.”

“I really can’t compete with pooping and PS4.”

“Lol well im actually playing ps4”

At that moment, I realized that being a woman, I could compete with pooping and PS4 (and even one-up him)..  and it just might scare this Prince Charming away.

“I’m menstruating, so that’s fun.”

“Thats amazing”   (Damn it!)

“I do it once a month!”  (Ba-dum-bum… I’ll be here all week.. tip your waitresses.)

“Ive always wondered what it looks like but women always say no”

“…It looks like blood.”    (However, now that I’m typing this.. it makes a LOT more sense that he wonders what a vagina looks like.  D’oh!)

“Amazing i admire ur vagina, its like a boxer”

..I probably should have asked for some clarification on that.   Like,  he thinks it punches people?  Or is comparing it to breed of dog that often has a bad reputation? But-  I got bored with him.

 

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

My Spirit Animal

13 Sep

A few days ago, I received a comment from a reader suggesting that I share some good online dating stories here as well, so that my fellow females can not totally lose hope in online dating.  I knocked him down by saying I don’t and won’t do that, mainly because those interactions are boring.

Naturally, only two short days later, I had a good online dating interaction that I found blog-worthy.    (And – double shock –  It’s from TINDER!)

“What would you say your spirit animal is?”

“I would have to go with a penguin.”   

(I went with a penguin because I feel if I were to be an animal, I’d probably be a penguin.   After further research on the matter, according to my birth date and year, apparently my spirit animal is an aardvark – for any of you collecting Fun Cat Lady Facts.)

“Bluegill sunfish here.”

“Nice!  Wait..  I think that means my spirit animal would eat your spirit animal..”

“How could I convince you to spare my life?”

“You’re in luck, I’m not a big fan of seafood.”

“Haha!  What a relief!”

 

The only real downside to this interaction was that I think he was merely just visiting my area, as Tinder now shows him as quite far away.

See ladies, not all the guys online dating are weirdos.  (However, if you’ve been online dating, you probably already knew that.)

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

White Boys Online Dating

1 Sep

Apparently some guys never grow up.

“Are you a virgin?”

Believe it or not,  this is a 28 year old male, and not a 14 year old boy.

“Wow.  That is absolutely none of your business.”

“But I’m curious.”

“Still none of your business.”

“Ok bye”

If any guy out there would care to explain to me why many of you seem to be fascinated with that question, please leave a comment.  Does an answer to that even matter?

Not a week went by before I got another charming message:

“Do you like giving head”

“Does anyone ever answer your ridiculous questions?”

“Yeah.  Casual sex isn’t going to happen if no one asked That’s why it’s called casual”

“You are so sadly mistaken.”

“Shut up bye virgin”

 

Wait… when did “virgin” become an insult?  Or is it only an insult one uses if they are one?

And.. just because I can–   His profile is pretty bare..  it says he has a shaved head, and that he has been online dating way too long.  Oddly enough, the majority of words is found under the “Message Me If” section which reads:  “Message me if you think we have anything in common and if you are serious about meeting someone.”  

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

No Bitterness Detected

29 Aug

Kudos to @DatingMary who came across this profile, that shows absolutely no hint of bitterness or frustration whatsoever:

About Me:

I am looking for a woman who will:

– Turn down the radio when I am driving in traffic to tell me about your friend who always seems to date the same types of jerks because she’s an idiot

– Change the playoff game so that you can watch a rerun of Gossip Girl

– Ask a lot of questions during movies

– Ensure everyone understands how bad animal products are

– Leave her face on my pillow case when she goes home so it’s like she’s still there

 

Inquire within.  Thank you.  Management

 

If you are applying, please include the following obligatory pictures of you:

– Kissing a dolphin

– In the color race

– Skydiving

– With a statue or wax figure

– By the pool or on the beach taking a picture of your “legs and feet”

– In your car from an angle so it shows the backseat…. preferably with a child in the back

– Taking a selfie with your cleavage being front and center while your profile clearly states you will not respond to booty calls or “hey sexy”

Extra credit for pictures of your dogs and cats by themselves, bonus points if they are dressed up

Geez… trouble in paradise much?

Aside from not being in the same part of the world, I wouldn’t be a good match with him, because I only have one of his required photos (which I am now considering removing..)

I certainly hope he finds what he is looking for.  Be careful what you wish for, ya’ll!

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Online Dating A.D.D.

26 Aug

The following messages come from a gentleman who, according to his profile, is an intellectual:

“Love your profile”

“Thanks.”

“Want to get coffee some timr”

“Based merely on that you love my profile?”

“Ya.  I think he is thinking because you look kind of sassy”

“Oh.  Is that what he thinks?”

“Ya. I think you need one;)”

“Need one what?”

“A spanking”

“Wow. That’s rude.”

“I’m sorry. Giovanno”

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

My Favorite Position

23 Jul

I was starting to think for awhile that my blog had finally worked, and the world was free of stupid online dating messages..  But, apparently the weirdos were just on hiatus.

“What’s your favorite position?”

I know what you’re thinking.. He couldn’t possibly be asking what it sounded like.

“Hmm..  Well, I enjoyed my time in management.”   (CatLady Fun Fact:  I used to work in management.)

“Lol”

I gave him a little bit of time to be more clever than that.. but, when I realized that wasn’t going to happen:

“Oh!  I’m sorry.  I think I misunderstood your question.  My REAL answer is:  It’s a tie between Quarterback and Tight End.”  

“Lmao!”

Might I please express my strong dislike for stupid responses such as “LOL” and “LMAO”?   I am trying to have a conversation here.

“I’m glad you’re amused.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you”

 

Weird…  Anger Font strikes again.   Oh well.   Next!

 

 

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Actually – I Have Seven.

23 Jun

“Pussy!”

“Did you just call me a pussy?”

“Just saying you have one and I bet it’s wonderful.”

 

I would challenge this individual to try this method of picking up girls in public, and to film said attempt for my viewing pleasure.    Or ladies, perhaps try the opposite by messaging, or approaching someone and yelling “DICK!”   Bet they wouldn’t be on the defense at all.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →