The Mystery Date

24 Aug

As you all know, I signed up for Tawkify because it sounded really neat.   I have had a few phone dates, all of which pretty much went nowhere fast.  But Ladies and Gentlemen, I can now cross “Tawkify Mystery Date” off of my bucket list.

If you have any balls whatsoever to do this – I would very much recommend it.  Tawkify, even if they aren’t in your area, plans the whole thing.  You just show up. Honestly, activity speaking:  Hands down most unique and fun date I have ever been on.

When I was informed they were scheduling my Mystery Date, my personal matchmaker informed me that my date did not look like Clark Gable.   I was instructed to bring an envelope – and my date would have a card for said envelope.   So,  I went to our meet-up place looking for a non-Clark Gable lookalike carrying a card of some sort.   I found the man with the card, and sure enough –  Definitely no resemblance to Clark Gable.

We then had to text our matchmaker to find out our next instructions.  “Find a pen and write the following message in the card..”   Luckily, I had predicted needing a pen, so that was easy.  Mystery Date (MD.. no, he wasn’t a doctor..) and I discussed who we thought this birthday card was going to.  We decided it was going to E. Jean Carroll (the mastermind behind Tawkify), so – we may not have exactly followed the instructions on what to write on the card.

Next step,  walk a block away to the local Lawn Bowling club, where we had been signed up to play.  The loser would be responsible for mailing off the birthday card.   Lucky for me (and Tawkify – because I never would have sent it),  MD was even worse at lawn bowling than I was – and we found out that the birthday card was being sent to a celebrity.

Would I go on another Tawkify Mystery Date?   Absolutely.  What I especially enjoyed about it was that I was pretty much guaranteed to meet an extrovert – which I did.   The Online Dating pool does seem to be introverted when it comes to guys.  Don’t get me wrong – that’s probably what I need, being an extrovert myself..  but it’s nice to meet someone who has the guts to go on an ultimate blind date, set up by near strangers.

What are you waiting for?   Go do it!  I promise you’ll have fun!

You’re Not Sharing Me With Anyone!

23 Aug

Correct me if I am wrong, but – if a girl wants more than one guy, shouldn’t she be the one seeing if someone is comfortable with that, and not the other way around?

“Would you be willing to date a guy who was open to sharing u with another guy?”

So, let me get this straight.. He already thinks I am too much to handle?  This message is offensive.   Does he have the other guy already in mind?  Either way,  absolutely not.   I think it’s okay to casually go out on dates with how many ever people you want,  but if you’re going to be any sort of physical,  one at a time.  Call me old fashioned in that regard.

I feel like this doofus could be suggesting so many different things..  I did respond back “What?” to the message, but have yet to hear a response.   If it is any bit entertaining,   I will certainly follow up.

 

Boobs.

22 Aug

For the record, this is not a message that came to me, personally.. but it has been something I have been meaning to blog about, and when I got a request from a Twitter buddy today – I figured it was time.

“What’s up with those pics with your tits hanging out? Are you a whore?”

Guys –  obviously girls have boobs..  that’s half the reason you like us to begin with.   What you may or may not already know is this:   Girls don’t get a say in the size of boobs they have, unless they have them surgically altered, which costs a lot of money.   From what I understand,  if a girl’s rack has been surgically altered,(at least in the case of making them bigger..)  I hear they are very eager to share that information.  (I wouldn’t know, personally.)

Unless we dress like nuns, I am sorry – there is going to be some cleavage.  This does not make us whores.  This doesn’t make us easy.   Clothes (summer clothes especially) are not designed to keep us entirely covered.

When using an online dating photo as indication if a girl would be “DTF” or not,  err on the side of doubt.   Unless the girl is pictured literally in her bra, bending over,  pushing the girls together making the most seductive face you’ve ever seen – likely she isn’t necessarily on OKCupid for the sheer purpose of getting laid.    If you do see said photo –  I would reverse google search that puppy, cuz you’re probably dealing with a spam bot.

Behave yourself – or we will resort to dressing like nuns.  ALL of us.   Right, girls?

 

Wait Time

21 Aug

This came up because of two messages I got on POF the other day…  but, how long are you supposed to wait to hear back from someone you’ve messaged before deciding to cut your losses?

This guy, for instance.. not very patient..  He first sent:

“Hello beautiful….”

..and when I didn’t respond TWO HOURS LATER, he sent:

“Guess not…lol :-)”

Geez – sorry for not living, eating and breathing POF..  He wasn’t too far off though,  as you all know, I don’t respond to that sort of stuff.  (Guys, girls get 30 messages a day that say exactly “Hello beautiful..”  or “How are you tonight?”   Unless we don’t have a life – don’t expect a response unless you are the most attractive man on the planet.. (i.e Super Hot POF Guy.. who is even hotter in person, for the record..))

But – nevertheless, this got me thinking.  I had been chatting with another friend and he gives girls a week to respond to his message before moving on.  A WEEK!?   Dude.. if I am going to message someone back, it will usually be within a day.  Maybe two if I am super busy.   In the unofficial Twitter poll I took today,  1 – 2 days was about par for the course in how long it takes people to respond.

A few people did mention though that they wait as to not seem overeager. This absolutely boggles my mind..  You’re on a website to meet people, and you don’t respond right away because you don’t want to scare someone off?  Wouldn’t that be the equivalent of going to a bar.. and when a cute girl asks you a question, walking away to return a half hour later to see if she still wants to talk?  I’m so confused.

Additionally – is this why I am going to turn into a crazy cat lady.. because I am too eager?   Honestly – I would say I generally message back within 5 hours.. usually right upon receipt, if I am going to.   If I have been online and it’s been 24 hours,  I am probably not going to respond.

Let’s discuss, interwebs.  I know there are “rules” for waiting to call and all that nonsense.. are there really rules for how long it should take you to write back to an online dating message?!

A Little Too Strong

19 Aug

Sending a message such as the following really isn’t a good idea.   It’s really only going to work if the person on the receiving end is desperate.. and really, guys, you don’t want a desperate girl.

“Your mesmerizing eyes make my heart mve. Your loving smile, and the flowy hair can make any guy crazy. The gentle skin on that curvy body is so hard to resist. The full body make me wonder what your hidden parts may be like. Your style is unique and effervescent. Meeting you would fulfill my dreams.”

Come on,  this is sweet things you say after you have actually fallen for someone… except normal guys still don’t say it.   More along the lines of “You’re really pretty.”  maybe, or “I like looking into your eyes.”   Sweet enough for a normal girl to melt.

So, when you send a message like this – and the target does not respond.. I would highly suggest NOT sending a 2nd message that sounds like this:

“I am studying taxation. I live alone in a studio apartment, and really cant wait for you to visit me here. Your body is so soft and endearing, cant help undressing you in my mind. The sexual energy in your eyes is calling for someone to hold you hard and take youcompletely. Your flowy hair suggests your carefree nature and your desire to be loved and licked all over. Cant wait to lick you all over.”

..Because now you are uber creepy.

OKCupid Questions

18 Aug

Excuse me..  What?

“Your question section has me masturbating rite now”

First of all,  don’t tell a girl this.  Ever.   Or – at least until you are dating her and you know if she’s okay with that information.   Strangers on the internet??  Not needed information.

Second of all,  WHAT?!   I would maybe understand a bit more had he have been “choking the chicken” to some photos… but to my multiple choice answers on OKCupid?   Now that’s just a little weird.  Well, maybe not.. I am fascinating.  <– Sarcasm, for the record.

 

Oh.. a Hash-Tag.. Now it ALL Makes Sense!

17 Aug

Nothing confuses me more than getting a message like the following from someone I have never seen before, or chatted with before:

“I think….that is the dumbest, cool thing I’ve thing. #Bravo​”

What?!

Honestly, I think if you can’t form the idea of what you are trying to say – you most certainly shouldn’t be using hash-tags!   Well – maybe I take that back.  At least the hash-tag suggests that he is impressed with something on my profile.. what that might actually be specifically, I will never know.

Really, people..  Is pausing for 20 seconds to read what you just typed that difficult?   I get that people make mistakes – shoot, I go back and edit my own posts here all the time..  but, there comes a point where it’s just laziness versus an “oops!”   Or sheer stupidity… but it’s hard to tell over the computer.

Can we start requiring an IQ test for the free online dating websites, please?

Kill ‘Em With Kindness

16 Aug

“Reading your profile might be funny..to a coke fiend. To me it reads like narcissistic self-loving drabble.

Btw, hope you’re having a good night.”

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Let’s Cut to the Chase!

15 Aug

Nothing like cutting to the chase with your opening POF message:

“Hi my name is avi and I am in [City]. I an 28. Single 5’4. Would you like to date me?”

I have some words of advice to my dear fan, Avi:

– If the girl you are messaging is listed as half a country away, the answer is probably no, and you probably were wasting your time.

– While being 28 and single is probably a perk,  that is not reason enough to date someone right out of the gate.

– Sentence structure… Go to back to 3rd grade.  Do not pass go, do not collect $200.   Seriously,  if you are going to put the bare minimum in a message, and expect it to ever work,  make those 4 “sentences” A+ material.  You know you copied and pasted it, anyway.   You only have to do it right once.

– Putting in your profile that you would like to get married this year is a huge red flag.  I’d advise you eat that idea immediately.

(Notice I didn’t say anything about his height – because I am not a bitch.  Short guys are awesome.. when they are intelligent and don’t want to get married this year.)

 

Why Tawkify Phone Date #2 Didn’t Work Out

14 Aug

First of all:  Go familiarize yourself with who I easily thought could have been my next boyfriend:  Phone Date 2 and Part 2.

PhoneDate 2 (or PD2 from now on..)  never called, and stopped answering texts.   We never chatted on the phone aside from our first Tawkify phone date, and exchanged a grand total of maybe 15 text messages, if that.

Now, my girls know this – but guys:  This drives us nuts!  Did he find someone else?  Fine.. not a problem.. but could ya TELL me?!    Did he fall off the planet? Did he get into some accident and now has amnesia?   A little closure is always appreciated.

But – because this is what girls do –  I decided I wanted to investigate.   There were only a few minimal things I knew about PD2.  I knew his first (common) name, his age,  the city in which he resides.  I knew what he did as a freelance job, and that he has a dog, and likes rock-climbing.

So, I hopped on good ol’ OKCupid and narrowed my search down to his age,  the distance his place is to mine, and a keyword about his freelance job.  I live in a place that has about 3 million people within a 75 mile span.  A few people popped up,  but – I did manage to find an OKC profile that very well matched PD2.   (Stalker.. I know..)   Said OKC profile also had a link to a freelance business, and sure enough, there PD2’s phone number was.   Bingo.

PD2 – for the record:   ABSOLUTELY FREAKING ADORABLE.   Our entire life together flashed before my eyes:  the dates, the wedding, the kids…  Okay, I am totally joking about that part.   But I did get excited.   The only part holding me back from planning the wedding is that he wasn’t calling.   I let it sit for a few days.

Then one morning,  I was thinking about the situation… and started feeling like maybe I had looked at his photo for far too long, because I started to feel like I recognized him.  Then even his name sounded recognizable.   My mind had to be playing tricks..  but then my neurons put it together..

I graduated from high school with PD2.

I live in an area with 3 million people, and Tawkify matched me up with one of the 600 people I graduated high school with.   Don’t get me wrong,  I am not upset by any means, just a hilarious coincidence.   In their defense,  I obviously knew of him – but we didn’t know each other well.   And – I still vouch based on our minimal conversation, he was a good pick on their behalf.

Although I wasn’t popular in high school, I was pretty well-known –  I did tend to wave my freak flag quite high.   I can only assume at this point, he got curious too, reverse-searched my telephone number, and went “CatLady!?  Oh HELL no.”   And it’s not like either one of us is going to admit to stalking.

Oh well – Mystery Date this weekend!   PD2 – if you happen to read this – send me a message, it’s cool.

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