A Very Serious Rant

14 Jul

When I rant about messages I post,  I am actually laughing.  I post them for the world to see, because they are hilarious.   Not much do I actually find offensive.   For crying out loud, I am trying to find romance on the internet.. I honestly don’t expect much.

Today’s blog entry, however, is a different story.   Way too often am I seeing things like this when doing voting on reported messages on OKCupid..  and it’s 100% NOT okay.

The following messages are all from the same user, a day or so apart:

“hi. ur GORGEOUS!! id love to see more”

“Id do anything”    (except read a profile that says if you want a response, to talk about (fill in the blank).. but, that doesn’t count, right?)

“:(“

“ur all i can thing about. but i understand… i’ll go. might as well end my life :(“

The last message, particularly the last sentence, way beyond crosses a line.  In no circumstance is it EVER okay to message someone something like that in an online dating message.  EVER.

Suicide is absolutely nothing to joke about, and I do believe in the message above it was not a serious statement.  It is also not something that should be used to guilt a stranger on the internet into talking to you.  What if the person on the receiving end of that has had someone close to them take their own life?

I have not, thankfully, experienced suicide of a close friend or family member.  I hope I never have to.   But, sadly, I know several people who have, and it is devastating.   Joking about it, or blaming someone for it is never okay.

All that being said,  if someone not responding to you online actually gives you suicidal thoughts, I strongly encourage you call a help line or talk to someone close to you.. or to someone who has lost a loved one to suicide.  There’s help out there..  and sometimes you just have to remember that there is going to be a beautiful sunrise or sunset, or SOMETHING, that you know you are going to be glad you didn’t miss.

Stay real, everyone.  =)

An Interesting Request

13 Jul

Like I have told you all before,  I have a few profiles out there.  One in particular, I often times change up the location just to see if I should be relocating.

So,  according to said profile,  I am currently on the East Coast, and got a message from someone that read:

“hey buddy.. let me buy you a drink.. dont be such a snob”

He must get turned down a lot to already assume I am a snob, considering we have had no interaction prior to this.   But… if he doesn’t want me to be a snob,  at least I will tell him he is allowed to buy me a drink..  he can wire me the funds if he wants to.

“Okay.”

“Ha.. was that too pushy? when/where would you like to meet up?”

“Well, I am actually in [state], so whenever you are able to get here.”

For the record, yes, his message was pushy.   No one owes you a night out.  I don’t know why I keep needing to remind people this.

Apparently Not My Type

12 Jul

“Damn you are so beautiful.. I swear i wish i was your type id sure like to know more about you”

The best part about getting a message like this is that I don’t feel the need to look at his page.   He has informed me that he is not my type.   I find this particularly funny for two reasons:

1) I don’t even know what my type is.   I am still trying to figure that out.   All I know for sure is people who send creepy messages are not my type.

b) The profile in which he messaged of mine has pretty minimal information.  If he actually read  the profile,  it states I am looking for someone to mow my lawn, and shovel my driveway..  granted, that is partially a joke.  (It is also partially true.)   So, I take that to mean he would be sipping cocktails watching me cut the grass.  Not happening.

Are There “Normal” People Online?

11 Jul

Today, I got a comment on the blog from Mr. DramaFreePaul of 35andonlinedating.   I figured newer readers may have similar thoughts/questions, so I should set the record straight here.  He writes:

 “You seem like a cool gal.  I know you get all these weirdo messages. Do you get nice ones as well?  Have you met any cool people off any of the sites?” 

Well, hello DramaFreePaul!

You are very wise in thinking I seem like a “cool gal.”   I am a cool gal.   Let’s face the facts here:  I am, basically speaking, like a majestic glittery unicorn that has magical powers, who is funnier than Will Ferrell.   Oh, and of course I am also wrapped in bacon.  I am sure you can now understand why my inbox is as flooded as it is. 

I do receive nice messages as well.  I don’t tend to blog about those, because that would make my blog rather boring.  It’s quite fun to mention my blog to seemingly “normal” people online, as it miraculously puts them on their best behavior.  I do tell these guys that they are spared from ending up on here provided they stay normal.  I don’t tell everyone about my blog.. but figure it’s important if I am going to meet up with someone so they aren’t blindsided later.

I have also met quite a number of people from online. Most of these real life meetups aren’t comical enough to blog about, with the exception of #31.   I am quite awkward and uncomfortable around people until I know them a little better.   Pretty much anytime I am interested in seeing someone again – they completely stop contacting me, or tell me they aren’t interested.. and anytime I am not interested – They want to see me again. 

Most recently, I met up with Super Hot POF guy,  who is amazingly more attractive in real life than he is on his photos.   I was proud of myself for being way less awkward than I am normally, but – alas, and per the usual – because I am interested.. I haven’t heard back.

But – overall,  I have had pleasant real life experiences, and have even made a few cool new friends (who know who they are.)

Any other questions I can answer for anyone?

 

Respectable and Courteous

10 Jul

So, apparently the meat market is just full of women who are married with children.. although I doubt that..

“At least you’re not married and have kids like the other girls on here”

“I guess that’s a perk.”

I mean, come on – what was I supposed to say to that?

“What’s your phone number ?”

Woah, buddy.   I didn’t answer that, because even though I have a Google Voice number that protects me from all evil,  I need a bit more to work with before I am comfortable handing out my digits.

After a few days of not getting my phone number, he tried a new tactic:

“You are cute’er than the average girl here .. anyone nailing you ?”

Is anyone nailing me?!   Wow, that’s just classy.

“I like to think I am bit more respectable than that.”

“Im respectful and courteous .. do you want to hang out ?”

He is respectful and courteous?   Didn’t he just ask me if I was being nailed?  Bet you can’t guess my answer!

“No, thanks.”

You Want to What?

9 Jul

“I want to dowse you in green paint and spank you like a disobedient avocado.”

Is this another pop culture reference that I am totally missing?   All of my avocados are well behaved.. so I guess I just don’t get it.  (But then again,  I can be horribly naive.. so again, if I am missing something.. by ALL means..)

Guess what, everyone!  I’m on Facebook now.  Let’s be friends!

Age Deal-breaker

8 Jul

I know I’ve mentioned before that if someone is old enough to be my parent, I am going to either ignore them, or respectfully decline their advances.   Part of me wishes that OKCupid would stop users outside of the age range one is looking for from messaging you..  but, if someone a year out of those guidelines messaged me – it’s not a deal-breaker..  so I’m torn.

“I like to know you better if you are serious & ready to settle down”

“While I feel ready to be serious and settle down,  I don’t feel it’s appropriate to engage in any chatter with you, as you are old enough to be my father.  Sorry, I’m not interested..  but good luck to you!”

“so what is age? It is a number, I can still get my dick hard & that is what you like, right? do you like to get fucked in the ass?”

Excuse me while I go vomit..

Seriously!?  Do men EVER grow up?

Wrong Analogy

7 Jul

I am going to tell you that I don’t really know what the appropriate analogy would be..  but just that it’s not this:

“i would love to know you more angel, cos am lonely hearted and i would love you to fill the vacuum in my heart,i know this might sound strange but this truly from my heart.”

Fill the vacuum in his heart?  I get what he’s trying to do.. but, I don’t generally vacuum up goodness, do you?    Secondly,  what on earth is a vacuum doing in his heart?   That should be looked at.   Is it the type that requires replacement bags?   What happens when it pops – that just sounds like a huge mess.

Like I said – I don’t know what would have worked better for him, because I am really not cheesy in a lovey-dovey fashion.   Create a fun one, and if the suggestions are any good – I promise to send one out to an unsuspecting male and see if it works.

A Fail in So Many Ways

6 Jul

“id like to travle to ur vagina?”

I love reading this in the form of a question – which is how it’s presented – because in my head it just sounds even more ridiculous.

Guys – TELL YOUR FRIENDS!!   If you don’t at least appear to have a high school level of intelligence,  the chances of you getting any greatly diminishes.

Wait.. I’m sorry..  am I using words that are too big?

For real – did this guy even pass elementary school?

Seafood Dinner

5 Jul

“How many nice seafood dinners would it take to turn you into a bedroom acrobat in my house for years to come.”

You know,  I am really not a fan of seafood.    If he would have asked about nice Italian dinners, on the other hand..  I still would say I’m not his girl.

“Bedroom acrobat” makes me laugh though.. I may just need to find some way to use that.

Kudos to him, at least,  for not being outrageously gross in how he presented what he is looking for online.

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