Tag Archives: POF

Gotta Love Tinder

28 Feb

After swiping left on the guy who was probably the love of my life,  I got to have this fun Tinder conversation instead:

“So what are you looking for on here?”

“I set no expectations, and plan to be surprised.”

“So a friend with benefits could potentially be alright?  Just being forward.  That’s what I’m looking for.”

“Sorry.. that won’t be happening.”

“Not even if we were the last two left on earth?”

“I like to keep it classy and don’t do casual sexual relationships.. So, in that case – Correct, even if we were the last two people on Earth.”

“What if I have the best oral skills west of the Mississippi?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“You’re missing out.”

“Are you sure?  If we were the last two people alive, you’d also have the *worst* oral skills west of the Mississippi..”

“I have to disagree.  I would be setting the bar.  There just wouldn’t be anyone that could raise it.”

“Yet, it’d still be the lowest bar.”

“And the highest.  So at that point I would just be average, not the best.”

“Okay, good.  So I’m not missing out then.”

“Yea, you definitely got me there.  Good work”

See – all you have to do is outsmart ’em.   And hope that the love of your life that you accidentally rejected finds another way to meet you.

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Waistline

22 Feb

I am probably going to get some hate for this one.. but hear me out:   I have been on OKCupid for almost 3 years now.  A few days ago, out of sheer curiosity (and social experimentation for the blog, of course)  I added “Casual Sex” to my “Looking For’ list.   Creeps (and non creeps) are coming out of the woodwork.  My internet leg has been constantly humped over the last 36 hours.  And, definitely more to come on this!

“Hi! I am [Name], i am a fun outgoing smart ass ha. I loved your profile. Not only are you pretty,but you seem genuine, and that’s hard to find on a dating site. I am sure you get a ton of messages a day. So if you could just message me when you have some free time that would be cool.
I hope the site hadn’t discouraged you too much. Anyways I would love to get to know you. How was your day?”

Now..  if you’ve read me before – I make it a point not to respond to messages that could have been copied and pasted.  I also mention this in my profile.   So, that, along with this guy says he is a smart ass.. I felt like I could be a smart ass back..  If he was worth knowing, he’d probably laugh about it:

“Thank you for your form letter. Please know that the time you took to copy and paste is very much appreciated. Hope you are having a great day!”

“Copy and paste? Are you serious? Wow have some issues with the site to accuse me? That was me. But I take it back. You obviously aren’t genuine”

I obviously pushed a button, because not even 30 seconds after receiving his defensive response:

“Wow why did I even message you. Look at me. Then look at u. Lol. Yeah that’s not a good match”

“And now I know how you handle some push back.
I think you should reconsider considering yourself a smart ass.. I clearly have you beat in that arena. Best of luck to you.”

“You clearly have me beat in the waist line too”

“Is that supposed to hurt my feelings or something?”

“Hey if you are proud. Just go with it”

“I am just curious at what you are trying to accomplish by telling me I’m fat?”

“Ha conversation over. I won. Bye”

“I guess that’s a matter of opinion. Have a nice day.”

“You got all hot and bothered ha”

“Not at all..  If that’s how you “win” conversations… There was no contest from the start.”

I honestly don’t know how one would “win” a conversation.

“Damn you are still talking? U got served”

“Oh.. Good.  My expanding waistline could use a serving.”

..And he didn’t respond after that one.. So.. I guess I won?

If you can’t take online dating with a grain of salt, and have to resort to name-calling and/or “bullying”..  You should reconsider online dating as a source of meeting people.

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Rock Hudson

1 Feb

I came across a profile today that made me laugh a little louder than most profiles do:

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

Why do people have to be so dam judgemental about everthig just cause i dont look like rock hudson dont mean i wouldnt be an awesome guy all you ladies that think that way can scuk it

I can feel it deep in my soul that this man is definitely not bitter.    But I do have a question… When was the last time Rock Hudson was relevant?  The only reason why I even know the name is because I love me some “Grease” and one of the songs references him.  (“Even Rock Hudson lost his heart to Doris Day-ay-ay.”)

If you aren’t sold on this guy yet – let me be the first to tell you that he is really good at crocheting hats and scarves.

Oh!  And “You should message me if:”

You like a kind caring loving man who likes sex to much and will treat you with the utmost respect and write poems about you

Maybe I should see what kind of poem he comes up with about me..  or maybe I’ll just “scuk it.”

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Groupons and Dating

20 Jan

Honestly, I hope a heated debate occurs in the comments on this question that I have.   (I have a feeling that at least some girls will have an issue with my stance on this..)

I have been asked over and over –   “Is it okay to use a Groupon on a first date?”   The topic has been brought up on my podcast a few times, and we can never come up with an answer that satisfies both @A_Dude79 and myself.   So –  I bring this question to you, loyal fans.  — And let’s make it “When is it okay to use a Groupon when you’re dating?”

As previously mentioned,   @A_Dude79 and I are split on the matter.   He says absolutely no way on a Groupon until a couple has slept together.    I’m a bit more lenient on the matter.

@A_Dude79 thinks that the first date is about making an impression, and paying for the date in full, without a coupon/groupon, shows that he is able to provide for the woman.   He argues that most Groupons you need to have printed out, or pull up on your phone – and that’s tacky.  (However,  he thinks if you can use a Groupon without having to present it, it’s fair game..  *Eyeroll.*  ..Men..)

I think a Groupon is just fine.  I would much rather be offered a fun activity that was purchased through Groupon than a boring coffee or dinner date any day of the week.  They often have really fun activities to try out at a discount.   We are also in a time of economic hardship –   I feel there is nothing wrong with saving some money.     And – if a girl is not okay with you saving a few dollars – do you want to be dating her anyway?   (I’ll throw in there that in a Soon2BeCatLady perfect world,  I would know about the Groupon before the date.)

So, interwebs  – Let’s vote, and (respectfully) duke it out in the comments.   I’m closing the poll after one week, so make sure to voice your opinion!

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Poetry.. Deep, Deep Poetry.

15 May

I don’t know if I told you, but I have been on a leave of absence from OKCupid and POF  .. and OH MY GOD I miss the crazy messages.   I am bound to be back on there in the very near future, but in the meantime – I have lovely fans who send me their crazy messages.  (For the record,  I am trying out EHarmony.. but nothing crazy to report yet..  Apparently I am destined to end up with a painfully nerdy guy.)

 

Behold, perhaps the most beautiful poem ever:

 

“Relax I’m like a breath of fresh air nothing like a bad episode on Catfish I swear

I don’t wanna get in your pants or waste ya time not here to use play hurt you

I’m kinda shy scared to fly but I wanted to stop by to try and say more hi no lie

Lion king broke my heart Chivalry isn’t dead I be Batman you be Robin maybe

We can eat some hay make things out of clay lay by the bay like what do you say”

 

 

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Politeness

14 Nov

Someday…. SOMEDAY.. I would like to be a fly in the brain of someone who writes  a message like this:

“I might let you lick my butthole if you ask nicely”

….Really?  REALLY?!?!

Rule of thumb:  If you’d be uncomfortable showing your first online dating message to your mother, you probably shouldn’t send it.   Scratch probably… You shouldn’t send it.

My goodness, I hope most self-respecting individuals would need a bit more than an online dating profile and one message to be open to even the discussion of butt hole licking.

I need to go shower… right now.  ::shudders::

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Don’t Be That Guy

3 Sep

“I’m sure you’re looking for a whole lot more than me…

But I’m a hell of a lot of fun to pass the time with! I know you have some deep dark fantasies that your dying to let out. Have you ever wished you had a friend that you could just go crazy with in bed. A secret sex buddy you could explore your kinky side with? Without the worry of gossip, judgments or drama. Just pure kinky fun. I’m clean, sane, discrete and a complete sex maniac! I mean that in a fun way though. Think about it?

You’ll never know unless you try:) let’s chat?”

I must say that I am quite impressed with his decisions of where to leave a space.  It’s as if he anticipated my speaking aloud an answer before continuing on.. which, for the record were,  “Yes, I probably am looking for a whole lot more than you.”  and “I’ve thought about it –  Still no.”

Guys, for the 18 billionth time –  girls would not have trouble finding this sort of relationship if that’s what she wants..  and it really is, at least seemingly, a whole lot safer with someone that you know a little bit.    IF this were something I was looking for – and again,  it’s not..   I would need very up-to-date documentation that this was not going to end with herpes or any other STD for me.    And, stranger on the internet, very up-to-date would probably mean paperwork dated within the past week, IF you haven’t had any other action since then, which you also wouldn’t be able to prove.

Don’t be that guy.  Good things come to those who wait..

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A Picture is Worth 84 Words.

30 Aug

“Just looking at your another pic I can say what my heart says U are down to earth girl with high moral values ..stable ..sensible..mature .understanding ..helping ..serious about caring relationships..simple living high goals..bit emotional but practical ..sensual..exotic..u r beautiful by heart and most beautiful are your eyes and lips..A charming personality ..full of joy and emotions..dreams are big..yet very wise in taking all steps for decisions ..a helping person ..wish to smile like anything..wanna live the moments and enjoy ye life in moments..”

Wow – he assumes my entire personality from a photo?   If he met me in real life, he would be in for some big surprises.  (As probably most of you would..)

Which is an excellent segway into:   Karl Mamer interviewed me for is OkCupCast Podcast, which is advice for Nerds who are online dating…  So,  if you wish to ruin the mystery of the Soon2BeCatLady,  take a listen.   (And let me know what you think!)

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Cat Man

29 Aug

A post from Velvet:

So…I have a multi-faceted (schizo in a fun way??) personality. And because of this, I have a varied taste in men. I have a “part” of me who is attracted to the theater/video game/artsy/Renaissance Festival kind of guy. So, when I saw a guy who fit all of those things to a T, I messaged him. He plays violin. He rides a motorcycle. Has been a massage therapist for 12 years. Going back to school for either nursing or physical therapy. You don’t know me, but all of this is PERFECT!  

So, we messaged for a while. The chemistry was great. Banter was spot on. A little bit of flirtation, but nothing that made me concerned that this guy was in it just to add a notch to the proverbial bed post.

Well, we met for coffee yesterday. Things were going swimmingly. He caught my eye through the window before I entered the coffee shop and gave me a wink that made my knees wobble. He charmed me with his stories about work and school and such, some pretty geeky stuff-but as I said, I have a deep respect and love for the nerds of the world.

So as we were slurping up the last of our coffees, when he suggested we go to his place to talk some more I didn’t hesitate. Well, I didn’t hesitate much. Middle of the day, he was literally 3 minutes from the coffee shop, I have my own vehicle with me, blah blah blah.

And the weird begins…

We enter his apartment, and there is no living room furniture. Then I remember that he said this is his first place without roommates. Okay, odd-but not a deal breaker. Not everybody’s first stop is Ikea when getting a new apartment.

So, we plant it on the floor, and we are chatting away. He gives me an *awesome* neck and shoulder massage, we are laughing and talking about stuff and nonsense. He pulls out his phone to play me some of the music he has been talking about (I didn’t recognize any of the groups he enjoys) and I commented that I really liked the music.

The next things that happened literally give me goosebumps, and I don’t mean the good kind.

He looks directly into my eyes, and starts to sing along with the music. AT me, not TO me. Remember guys-serenading a girl may be romantic, but timing is everything. This was not the time.

So I mentioned that there was no furniture, right? Well, I was sitting up, hands braced behind me, legs outstretched with my ankles crossed. In one smooth motion, he literally SPRANG from where he was to straddle my lap. What. The. Hell?  Before I had time to react to that bit of fun, his mouth was on mine for about 3 seconds, then he LICKED THE END OF MY NOSE, and then? He MEOWED. Yes. Meowed. As in-made the sound a cat makes.

I couldn’t help it-I said, “What the hell was THAT?” And his answer was something about he was enjoying himself so much he felt he had to vocalize it or some strange crap…I think I blocked it from my mind because I was so completely creeped out.

So, I muttered something about having to leave, as I wiggled out from under him and grabbed my purse and keys and shoes, and got the hell out of there.

Halfway home? Text message thanking me for a “delightful” time.

So I immediately texted Cat Lady… “Two words. He meowed.”

Seriously folks, you can’t make this shit up!!!  

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Fetish?

23 Mar

“Hi, how are you? I like your profile and pics! Do you like to wear tights and nylons?”

….Do I like to wear tights and nylons?!    I mean, geez, for the record:  Every now and again but no, not really.    What would prompt you to ask a complete stranger something like that?

I get that it’s hard to believe there is an actual person on the other side of the screen.   I think a good rule to follow is:  If you wouldn’t say it to a complete strangers face (while sober, might I add..)  you probably shouldn’t say it in an online dating message.   Add in times 1000 if you actually want to meet someone online for other reason then their nylons.

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