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Uffdah – Dontcha Know?

25 Mar

This last week has been a whirlwind.

Sometimes life throws just the most awesome and terrifying lemons at you.

Last Monday, a long-time fan of my blog who happens to know the area in which I reside, suggested on Twitter that I date Ben, a local radio host.  Why?  – I will never know.   I joked back about being nearby (I will not confirm or deny that I may commonly be within walking distance of said radio studio), and the co-host of the show started interacting with me, agreeing that I should meet Ben.  I laughed it off and went about my day, brushing it off.

The next morning,  I woke up to a message from the co-host:

“Can I meet you today?”  (And he specified a location, but not important to the story..)

“Sure.. I’ll be the one with 7 cats.”

“I’ll be the guy with my face.”

I can count on one hand how many times I have been legitimately nervous in my entire life.   I’ve added a finger in the last week.   I don’t have a solid reason why I was nervous, I’ve met plenty of near-strangers before.  I think it was more because I had no idea why a local radio host would want to meet me.

I went to the specified place at the specified time, and met Jack.  He told me about their morning show, and essentially asked me what I thought about coming on the show and talking about my blog.   While part of me inside screamed “HECK YES!” (I mean, my “About Me” says I’m up for radio spots..) another part of me became sick to my stomach.   Doing this would mean giving up a little piece of my anonymity (location, specifically) – and would require me to present my blog to people in my life that I know listen to that station.

The cat’s out of the bag –  I’m in the Minneapolis/St. Paul Twin Cities metro. (Dontcha know?)

Friday morning,  I presented my 5 “Don’t for Dudes” on Up And At ‘Em with Jack and Ben, with a surprise ending.  (I may or may not be asked out.. you’ll have to listen to find out.. and listen this upcoming Friday to hear how it went!)

I think sometimes nerves are a sign that something big is going to happen.  Maybe not.. but if nothing else,  it’s a great story to add to the collection.

Sometimes, instead of throwing life’s lemons back, you need to attempt to put some vodka in those suckers.  Take a chance — Life’s much more fun that way.

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I Poked the Baby Bear!

9 Mar

I find it hilarious when guys clearly in high school are on Tinder posing as 27 years old and up.   They’ve got their senior picture up,  a prom pic, sports pics and sometimes even a picture of themselves in their letter jacket.

I mutually matched with one (as I am currently swiping right for everyone).. and couldn’t help myself:

“Hahaha!!!  You’re not 28!”

“That’s correct haha idk how to change it”

“You have to change your age on Facebook to your actual age.”

“Fuck, well that’s way too much work lol.”   

“Why are you on here?  What are you looking for?”

“Sex.”

“You are very clearly in high school.. No one my age is going to believe that you are over the age of 18, let alone sleep with you.”

“Jeesuz fucking Christ lady I’m not in high school those pictures are old I don’t go on fb often and I have a much better chance than you do fat ass damn, told you I’m on here for sex not to bullshit and you act like everyone on here is your age fuckin dumbass.”

(Nice period at the end of that run on sentence, Buddy!)

“Haha!  Better chance.  That’s  funny.  You’re adorable.  Good luck!”

“Just made plans to fuck a 22 year old on my way as we speak.  Lose weight and you won’t need tinder, guys are shallow.”

“I don’t need Tinder now, but thanks for your input.  Be sure to let the 22 year old know she’s probably going to jail.”

“You’re fucking retarded I’M IN COLLEGE”  (I would love to read the essay that got him accepted..)

“College guys wouldn’t be worked up over what a 29 year old ‘old bag’ is saying..”

And crickets..  Hahahaha!   I guess he’s acting like he’s in college now?

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Gotta Love Tinder

28 Feb

After swiping left on the guy who was probably the love of my life,  I got to have this fun Tinder conversation instead:

“So what are you looking for on here?”

“I set no expectations, and plan to be surprised.”

“So a friend with benefits could potentially be alright?  Just being forward.  That’s what I’m looking for.”

“Sorry.. that won’t be happening.”

“Not even if we were the last two left on earth?”

“I like to keep it classy and don’t do casual sexual relationships.. So, in that case – Correct, even if we were the last two people on Earth.”

“What if I have the best oral skills west of the Mississippi?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“You’re missing out.”

“Are you sure?  If we were the last two people alive, you’d also have the *worst* oral skills west of the Mississippi..”

“I have to disagree.  I would be setting the bar.  There just wouldn’t be anyone that could raise it.”

“Yet, it’d still be the lowest bar.”

“And the highest.  So at that point I would just be average, not the best.”

“Okay, good.  So I’m not missing out then.”

“Yea, you definitely got me there.  Good work”

See – all you have to do is outsmart ’em.   And hope that the love of your life that you accidentally rejected finds another way to meet you.

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Waistline

22 Feb

I am probably going to get some hate for this one.. but hear me out:   I have been on OKCupid for almost 3 years now.  A few days ago, out of sheer curiosity (and social experimentation for the blog, of course)  I added “Casual Sex” to my “Looking For’ list.   Creeps (and non creeps) are coming out of the woodwork.  My internet leg has been constantly humped over the last 36 hours.  And, definitely more to come on this!

“Hi! I am [Name], i am a fun outgoing smart ass ha. I loved your profile. Not only are you pretty,but you seem genuine, and that’s hard to find on a dating site. I am sure you get a ton of messages a day. So if you could just message me when you have some free time that would be cool.
I hope the site hadn’t discouraged you too much. Anyways I would love to get to know you. How was your day?”

Now..  if you’ve read me before – I make it a point not to respond to messages that could have been copied and pasted.  I also mention this in my profile.   So, that, along with this guy says he is a smart ass.. I felt like I could be a smart ass back..  If he was worth knowing, he’d probably laugh about it:

“Thank you for your form letter. Please know that the time you took to copy and paste is very much appreciated. Hope you are having a great day!”

“Copy and paste? Are you serious? Wow have some issues with the site to accuse me? That was me. But I take it back. You obviously aren’t genuine”

I obviously pushed a button, because not even 30 seconds after receiving his defensive response:

“Wow why did I even message you. Look at me. Then look at u. Lol. Yeah that’s not a good match”

“And now I know how you handle some push back.
I think you should reconsider considering yourself a smart ass.. I clearly have you beat in that arena. Best of luck to you.”

“You clearly have me beat in the waist line too”

“Is that supposed to hurt my feelings or something?”

“Hey if you are proud. Just go with it”

“I am just curious at what you are trying to accomplish by telling me I’m fat?”

“Ha conversation over. I won. Bye”

“I guess that’s a matter of opinion. Have a nice day.”

“You got all hot and bothered ha”

“Not at all..  If that’s how you “win” conversations… There was no contest from the start.”

I honestly don’t know how one would “win” a conversation.

“Damn you are still talking? U got served”

“Oh.. Good.  My expanding waistline could use a serving.”

..And he didn’t respond after that one.. So.. I guess I won?

If you can’t take online dating with a grain of salt, and have to resort to name-calling and/or “bullying”..  You should reconsider online dating as a source of meeting people.

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Groupons and Dating

20 Jan

Honestly, I hope a heated debate occurs in the comments on this question that I have.   (I have a feeling that at least some girls will have an issue with my stance on this..)

I have been asked over and over –   “Is it okay to use a Groupon on a first date?”   The topic has been brought up on my podcast a few times, and we can never come up with an answer that satisfies both @A_Dude79 and myself.   So –  I bring this question to you, loyal fans.  — And let’s make it “When is it okay to use a Groupon when you’re dating?”

As previously mentioned,   @A_Dude79 and I are split on the matter.   He says absolutely no way on a Groupon until a couple has slept together.    I’m a bit more lenient on the matter.

@A_Dude79 thinks that the first date is about making an impression, and paying for the date in full, without a coupon/groupon, shows that he is able to provide for the woman.   He argues that most Groupons you need to have printed out, or pull up on your phone – and that’s tacky.  (However,  he thinks if you can use a Groupon without having to present it, it’s fair game..  *Eyeroll.*  ..Men..)

I think a Groupon is just fine.  I would much rather be offered a fun activity that was purchased through Groupon than a boring coffee or dinner date any day of the week.  They often have really fun activities to try out at a discount.   We are also in a time of economic hardship –   I feel there is nothing wrong with saving some money.     And – if a girl is not okay with you saving a few dollars – do you want to be dating her anyway?   (I’ll throw in there that in a Soon2BeCatLady perfect world,  I would know about the Groupon before the date.)

So, interwebs  – Let’s vote, and (respectfully) duke it out in the comments.   I’m closing the poll after one week, so make sure to voice your opinion!

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Be Aggressive in Dating!!

13 Jan

If you aren’t tuning into my weekly podcast,  you are missing out.   Last week we discussed being aggressive in dating, and I wanted to re-cap as well as add a thought or two.

My sexy beast of a co-host, @A_Dude79, brought up that he read an article that suggests to males that instead of beating around the bush and asking a girl if she’d like to get coffee,  BE AGGRESSIVE and tell the girl you’d like to take her out on a date.   If she says yes, then there is no question whatsoever that it’s a date.   If she says no, then you’ve saved yourself some money.  At the very least everyone is on the same page.

I agree with this entirely.  Being aggressive shows that you know what you want, and you aren’t afraid to take a risk to get it.  It’s just manly to tell a girl you’d like to take her out on a date.   And –  most girls want to date a man.  — I know I do.

We discussed on the podcast that “Let’s get coffee sometime”  can be taken a number of different ways.   Now –  let me tell you this:   Most girls know that this means a date.  We just play stupid.  If we’re not interested in dating you, we’re likely to go to coffee anyway and make it a friend-date. (And I know how much you guys hate the friend-zone..)   You are more likely to get a straight answer on if a girl is interested in you if you are aggressive.

I digitally bumped into an old acquaintance of mine,  and sent a “hello” message over because I had already clicked his page.   (Because I remember everything and everyone, I assume everyone else does as well.)  We’ve chatted back and forth, but I have absolutely no interest in dating him.  He thinks it’d be fun to get coffee and catch up.

Will I go?  Sure.

Do I think it’s a date?  No.

Does he think it’s a date?   Probably.

Would I have said yes had he asked me out on a date?   No.  (Fun fact:  I am 99% sure that he doesn’t even remember my first name.)

So why would I go to coffee then?   Because coffee is casual and I like people.  Also, because I can’t guarantee he thinks it’s a date, maybe he does just want to catch up.   And, who knows –  even though I doubt it, there could be chemistry?

Guys- just be more forward with your intentions, and consider rejection as money and time saved.   Try it out and comment or tweet to me with how it went.   I have a feeling we will all be pleasantly surprised.

 

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Ex-Boyfriend Pain

16 Dec

I thought I was over him.  I seriously, truly, thought I was.  After all, it’s been nearly 3 years.

I should explain first that I picked up a seasonal job in a shopping mall, at a niche store.   Why?  For something to do, for a nice discount on a product that I spend way too much money on to begin with, and because they needed some help.

So, I was behind the counter, putting a few things away, and I saw him approach the store.. with a girl.   In a split second flat,  I felt like I had been kicked in the gut, and I was practically underneath the counter.   In reality, I probably wasn’t under there for more than 3 seconds,  but it was the longest 3 seconds ever, and a LOT went through my mind at that time.

The first thought I had was “Why are you upset about this?   You don’t know that this is a girlfriend.”  Followed by “Why is he here?  This mall is not even close to his house or work!”  “What am I going to say?”  “How am I going to hold myself together?”  “He is going to think I am a total loser since I am working here..  How am I going to explain this?”   (This one puzzles me, because I am not struggling financially, and am not ashamed of this job…  but – maybe I am?)   And, of course, lastly, “I can’t stay under here forever, or I will look like a huge moron.”

I took a deep breath, and rose from my hiding place.  I slapped on a big smile, and looked forward at the man who was now a foot inside my store.. who actually wasn’t my ex-boyfriend at all.   Just a similar built guy, with a similar winter coat and stupid hat as the ex-boyfriend.

I learned quite a lot in that 3 seconds..    the biggest lesson being that I don’t believe I’m quite over the ex yet.

Damn it.

 

God’s Gift to Driving

9 Nov

I know online dating can be frustrating.  I have a lot of gentlemen telling me that they are tired of it because they don’t get messages, or responses.  I hear ya.  Mr. ADude and I discussed on our podcast last week that one should really have zero expectations when it comes to online dating –  and that you get out of it what you put into it.  (That’s what she said..)

We’ve talked before about reasons girls don’t respond to your messages.  I am still a firm believer that no one online owes you anything, and really – online dating is just one way of holding up a big neon “I’m Single!” sign.   (I would kill for one of those in real life.)

But.. sometimes you aren’t getting messages or responses because your profile says something like this:

“I’m Really Good At:

..I am also very good at honking, yes it likely if you see a green grand Cherokee and there is a strange honk sound coming form it, then it is me.  I have a 2-2.5 hr commute daily.  if you text and drive next to me, I will honk at you.  If you are drifting, swerving around, or clearly have no idea how to drive.  I will honk at you.  if you don’t go at a green light, honk.  slow turner – meaning you come to a complete or near complete stop to take a right or left hand turn when there is no oncoming traffic – I will honk.  Driving is an awareness mandatory activity and I can not begin to tell you how often I am cut off, near hit or put in a rather precarious situation. No I don’t have road rage, I honk as a form of positive or negative reinforcement.  Making drivers better since 2012.”

Oh.

My.

God.

I’m sorry Grand Cherokee owner, but that annoys the shit out of me.   Are you fucking serious?

1)  Your grammar is atrocious.

2) Remind me to NEVER get into a car with you.  If that many people are near killing you on a daily basis… maybe it’s YOU.  (Also, if you have time to honk, you have time to stop.  Get over yourself.)

3)  You also honk for POSITIVE reinforcement?!  This *might* be okay if you have a custom car horn that beeps out “Nice work!” or a happy little song.. but I’m quite certain your Cherokee doesn’t have that.

4) Maybe.. just maybe.. you should move closer to where you work.  Or take public transportation.

5)  Yes, you DO have road rage.

6) “Making Drivers Better Since 2012” –  …did you just start driving?   Additionally,  I guarantee you that 95% of the people you honk at have no idea whatsoever why you are honking at them.   The other 5% don’t give a shit.  You aren’t making anyone better, you are only making yourself worse.

Welcome to my Friday night, folks.   Sigh.. I need a boyfriend.

VIP: Very Important Poll

10 Oct

Tonight,  @A_Dude79 gave some tips on “How to Win Guys Over” (in response to my “How to Win Girls Over”) on our podcast.   He had some excellent reminders for us girls, and I’d strongly suggest you take a listen. (The Podcast)

However,  one of his suggestions seemed a little off to me.   Keeping in mind that these tips are for people who have been on a few dates, he said “Be yourself.”   I countered that most people are on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship.   He believes that people are only on their best behavior for the first few dates.  I believe that people are on their best behavior for much longer, maybe even so much as 6 months to a year.

We need you to help settle the score-  and A_Dude79 will share the results with he podsturbates next week Wednesday at 10:00pm Eastern Standard Time.

Flirting Techniques

17 Aug

On the last podcast,  we had a “flirting expert” on to discuss different ways to flirt.  And, I’ll be honest…  I define “flirting expert” as someone I may know in real life who is a huge flirt –  and he had some pretty cheesy pick-up lines to share.

He did also share that eye contact is good, not over-drinking, batting eyelashes and getting dolled up (i.e nails done, etc.)  are good tricks for girls to show that you are interested.

Honestly, I feel like I have those things down pat.. but perhaps just too much in my every-day life.  (I do consider myself a big flirt, in general.)   I thought I would bring it to discussion on the blog.    I’d like to know in the comments or via the Twitter –  What does someone of the opposite gender do that indicates to you that they like you, or are interested?  (I’m talking IN person.. not online.)

Additionally..  because the “flirting expert” mentioned to me that I should get my nails done, I have a poll question for my gentlemen readers:

But again –   let’s talk through this.   What can a person do to indicate that they are interested?   Can’t wait to see what you all think!!

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