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Groupons and Dating

20 Jan

Honestly, I hope a heated debate occurs in the comments on this question that I have.   (I have a feeling that at least some girls will have an issue with my stance on this..)

I have been asked over and over –   “Is it okay to use a Groupon on a first date?”   The topic has been brought up on my podcast a few times, and we can never come up with an answer that satisfies both @A_Dude79 and myself.   So –  I bring this question to you, loyal fans.  — And let’s make it “When is it okay to use a Groupon when you’re dating?”

As previously mentioned,   @A_Dude79 and I are split on the matter.   He says absolutely no way on a Groupon until a couple has slept together.    I’m a bit more lenient on the matter.

@A_Dude79 thinks that the first date is about making an impression, and paying for the date in full, without a coupon/groupon, shows that he is able to provide for the woman.   He argues that most Groupons you need to have printed out, or pull up on your phone – and that’s tacky.  (However,  he thinks if you can use a Groupon without having to present it, it’s fair game..  *Eyeroll.*  ..Men..)

I think a Groupon is just fine.  I would much rather be offered a fun activity that was purchased through Groupon than a boring coffee or dinner date any day of the week.  They often have really fun activities to try out at a discount.   We are also in a time of economic hardship –   I feel there is nothing wrong with saving some money.     And – if a girl is not okay with you saving a few dollars – do you want to be dating her anyway?   (I’ll throw in there that in a Soon2BeCatLady perfect world,  I would know about the Groupon before the date.)

So, interwebs  – Let’s vote, and (respectfully) duke it out in the comments.   I’m closing the poll after one week, so make sure to voice your opinion!

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Be Aggressive in Dating!!

13 Jan

If you aren’t tuning into my weekly podcast,  you are missing out.   Last week we discussed being aggressive in dating, and I wanted to re-cap as well as add a thought or two.

My sexy beast of a co-host, @A_Dude79, brought up that he read an article that suggests to males that instead of beating around the bush and asking a girl if she’d like to get coffee,  BE AGGRESSIVE and tell the girl you’d like to take her out on a date.   If she says yes, then there is no question whatsoever that it’s a date.   If she says no, then you’ve saved yourself some money.  At the very least everyone is on the same page.

I agree with this entirely.  Being aggressive shows that you know what you want, and you aren’t afraid to take a risk to get it.  It’s just manly to tell a girl you’d like to take her out on a date.   And –  most girls want to date a man.  — I know I do.

We discussed on the podcast that “Let’s get coffee sometime”  can be taken a number of different ways.   Now –  let me tell you this:   Most girls know that this means a date.  We just play stupid.  If we’re not interested in dating you, we’re likely to go to coffee anyway and make it a friend-date. (And I know how much you guys hate the friend-zone..)   You are more likely to get a straight answer on if a girl is interested in you if you are aggressive.

I digitally bumped into an old acquaintance of mine,  and sent a “hello” message over because I had already clicked his page.   (Because I remember everything and everyone, I assume everyone else does as well.)  We’ve chatted back and forth, but I have absolutely no interest in dating him.  He thinks it’d be fun to get coffee and catch up.

Will I go?  Sure.

Do I think it’s a date?  No.

Does he think it’s a date?   Probably.

Would I have said yes had he asked me out on a date?   No.  (Fun fact:  I am 99% sure that he doesn’t even remember my first name.)

So why would I go to coffee then?   Because coffee is casual and I like people.  Also, because I can’t guarantee he thinks it’s a date, maybe he does just want to catch up.   And, who knows –  even though I doubt it, there could be chemistry?

Guys- just be more forward with your intentions, and consider rejection as money and time saved.   Try it out and comment or tweet to me with how it went.   I have a feeling we will all be pleasantly surprised.

 

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An Online Dating Christmas Tale

26 Dec

Cat Lady and Crazy:

like Tequila and lime

(and I warn in advance that

this will be in rhyme)

 

Hope your Christmas was jolly

Now go grab a beer

As you read with delight

a tale of great “cheer.”

 

So….

 

Twas the evening of Christmas

as I sat all alone

No one to snuggle

No sweetheart to phone

 

No boyfriend from Santa

which was this year’s wish

Not even a message

on Plenty of Fish.

 

So I sat on the couch

to watch some T.V.

And wished for that boy

who was meant just for me.

 

“Oh well, that’s okay,

for I’m doing just fine.”

I said to myself

as I sipped on my wine.

 

But Hark!  What is this?

A message on ‘Cupid!

I thought to myself,

“Tis bound to be stupid!”

 

I wondered “Why me?”

Said “Your eyes played a factor.”

I thanked him.  He offered

“Want to ride on my tractor?”

 

I am fine alone

To me it doesn’t matter

Another year gone..

At least I’m not fatter!

 

Oh boy!  A new message!

How high I must rank!

But alas, he compared me

to a fruit he would spank.

 

I checked out my Quiver

One seemed quite the catch

But my name to his markings

was nary a match.

 

Oh boyfriend, come quick

For my loins be an itchin’

Okay – I’m just kidding

but ain’t these rhymes bitchin’?

 

Then Tinder did ping

as I swiped right my thumb

Twas a gentleman caller

looking for a three-some.

 

And then came a message

with atrocious grammar

I knew right away:

A Nigerian scammer.

 

Online dating is sketchy

and a pain in my ass!

But here’s to 2014

Let us all raise a glass!

 

So friends of my blog

Come back for the fun

And I wish you good luck

in your quest for “The One!”

 

(If you need some more rhymes

cuz face it – they’re bomb.

Check out my inspiration

at nerdtinkerer.com!)

Someone Seems Indecisive on Cats.

17 Dec

This “You Should Message Me If..”  made me laugh..   and also worries me slightly:

“…you don’t have a pic of your cat on your profile and it’s referred to as your “baby”. Cats are creepy, regardless of the type of sweater you dress them in. FYI, your cat actually hates you. It only barely likes you because you feed it and clean its poop box. The only exception is if you have a cat that sniffs out bombs at the airport, cancer in a hospital or survivors of a building collapse. If your cat helps the blind and disabled, then that’s ok too and please feel free to message me. Especially if you have one of those super rare herding cats. There’s nothing like watching a cat work a herd of cattle.”

I wonder how he really feels..

Update Your Form Letter!

2 Dec

We’ve discussed several times my hatred for form letters in online dating.  (You know, those messages that were clearly copied and pasted.)   If you can’t take the 30 extra seconds to reference something specific to my profile, then I can’t take the extra 30 seconds to respond.

But – some people swear by the form letter.  Their argument is that if they send their form letter out to 1000 girls, they will likely get 100 responses.  “Online dating is a numbers game.” is their cry.  I still hold my position of if you want someone of quality (and a good story to tell the grandkids..)  you might want to take the more personalized approach.

Do what you will –  but,  you might want to make sure that if you switch out your form letter for specific holidays, that you change it back.  This guy I received a message from today neglected to do so:

“Hi there beauty queen!! Good morning!  How are you doing today besides Thanksgiving?”

D’oh!  (And double “D’oh!” for the atrocious grammar, besides.)

Euphemism?

30 Nov

Being that you don’t know me,  you likely don’t know that I have relatively large eyes.  Not in a “bug-eyed” type of way, (although if I open them wide enough, they would seem bug-eyed)  but – and this comes from @A_Dude79 –  my irises are large.    Another friend of mine calls them my “Disney Princess” eyes –  just to put it into another perspective.   (It’s weird to describe your own eyes, I kind of feel like a tool right now..)   But that should hopefully put into perspective the online dating message I received yesterday:

“I love your large eyeballs, seriously, they are so hot!”

Commenting on one’s eyes is an easy way to break the ice – because who doesn’t like to hear they have nice eyes? …  But this was a new approach I hadn’t received before.  I wasn’t sure what to respond.

“Pahaha!!  Thank you.”

What came next surprised me (that’s what she said):

“Want to ride my tractor?”  (Is that what you guys are calling it these days?)  “I just put new spark plugs in it AND adjusted the valves!!”

If that’s a euphemism (and I rather suspect it is).. I don’t get it.

“I’ll pass..  but I appreciate the offer.”   (I think.)

“Probably a good idea,  I just bumped in to something (possibly an understatement) with it but I don’t recall what.”

Now I’m confused..  maybe he is talking about a tractor?  Or.. maybe he’s trying to say he is not sure if he caught an STD?

I think I’d rather not know..

Fresh Meat

28 Nov

I had not planned on blogging today, as it is Thanksgiving (for the USA-ers..) but since I hopped on to OKCupid and saw this in the activity feed — and it IS Thanksgiving —  I figured it was worth a share.

This guy’s profile makes it very clear that he is a chef of some sort, as that is basically all he talks about.  But I got a kick out of this line:

“I love fresh ingredients.  If someone brings them to me, I will respect them and cook them for you.”

Which, of course, instantly made me think: “What if you have a disobedient avocado?”

After a lot more cooking talk, he ends his profile with “You should not message me if you’re a vegan.  I ❤ pork.”   I don’t recall vegans having anything against people who less-than-three pork..  I totally understand that he probably wouldn’t end up with someone who doesn’t eat meat.. but, throwing in “I love fresh meat!” would probably do the trick. 😉   (Haha.. even though I’d advise against that too!)

Hope you all have a safe and lovely Thanksgiving.

Looks Can Be Deceiving

17 Nov

I am not sure what to make of this first online dating message.. especially because it comes from someone who lives over 900 miles away.

“I think you are very beautiful and you have very attractive hands! You look like you give very strong neck massages. I bet you have a pretty firm handshakes ::love:: I would love to get a neck massage from you!”

Sure… let me just hop on a plane and get right on that.

God’s Gift to Driving

9 Nov

I know online dating can be frustrating.  I have a lot of gentlemen telling me that they are tired of it because they don’t get messages, or responses.  I hear ya.  Mr. ADude and I discussed on our podcast last week that one should really have zero expectations when it comes to online dating –  and that you get out of it what you put into it.  (That’s what she said..)

We’ve talked before about reasons girls don’t respond to your messages.  I am still a firm believer that no one online owes you anything, and really – online dating is just one way of holding up a big neon “I’m Single!” sign.   (I would kill for one of those in real life.)

But.. sometimes you aren’t getting messages or responses because your profile says something like this:

“I’m Really Good At:

..I am also very good at honking, yes it likely if you see a green grand Cherokee and there is a strange honk sound coming form it, then it is me.  I have a 2-2.5 hr commute daily.  if you text and drive next to me, I will honk at you.  If you are drifting, swerving around, or clearly have no idea how to drive.  I will honk at you.  if you don’t go at a green light, honk.  slow turner – meaning you come to a complete or near complete stop to take a right or left hand turn when there is no oncoming traffic – I will honk.  Driving is an awareness mandatory activity and I can not begin to tell you how often I am cut off, near hit or put in a rather precarious situation. No I don’t have road rage, I honk as a form of positive or negative reinforcement.  Making drivers better since 2012.”

Oh.

My.

God.

I’m sorry Grand Cherokee owner, but that annoys the shit out of me.   Are you fucking serious?

1)  Your grammar is atrocious.

2) Remind me to NEVER get into a car with you.  If that many people are near killing you on a daily basis… maybe it’s YOU.  (Also, if you have time to honk, you have time to stop.  Get over yourself.)

3)  You also honk for POSITIVE reinforcement?!  This *might* be okay if you have a custom car horn that beeps out “Nice work!” or a happy little song.. but I’m quite certain your Cherokee doesn’t have that.

4) Maybe.. just maybe.. you should move closer to where you work.  Or take public transportation.

5)  Yes, you DO have road rage.

6) “Making Drivers Better Since 2012” –  …did you just start driving?   Additionally,  I guarantee you that 95% of the people you honk at have no idea whatsoever why you are honking at them.   The other 5% don’t give a shit.  You aren’t making anyone better, you are only making yourself worse.

Welcome to my Friday night, folks.   Sigh.. I need a boyfriend.

Barbecue Sauce

21 Oct

I know I constantly joke about my imaginary cats, and becoming a real-life cat lady someday.  Those of you that have followed my antics for awhile most likely understand that I don’t actually believe that.  Well – maybe until today.   I am pretty sure today is a new-time low.

It started a few days ago when I was drunkenly sending out “You’re cute!” messages on OKCupid.   This is something I do not advise doing, because you don’t get responses to messages like that.   I happened to get one response because the next morning I had sent out follow-up messages with depth to them.  (Mostly in hopes to just throw out there “Sorry!”  and “I’m not really crazy.”)

So – considerably cute guy number 8 had responded to my message, and we had several messages back and forth.  He seemed to be someone that I might meet up with.   I haven’t met anyone off the interwebs in a while, so I was getting a little excited about it.. which brings me to this morning.

He had sent a message asking about the weekend, and what not, and mentioned he was cooking some chicken.  I told him I was jealous and he said he’d be happy to mail me some barbecue chicken — and “What could go wrong?”  My response was that what could go wrong is that I am not really a fan of barbecue sauce.  (Of course, in reality, there are other technicalities as well.)

My dislike* for barbecue sauce was a deal-breaker.   I thought he was joking when his next message said that he didn’t think it was going to work out between us.. but, after a little digging –  sure enough.

Yep – I am going to die alone with cats.

 

*I don’t actually dislike barbecue sauce, and this was explained.  I have a certain brand I like, and if I’m going to eat it – I prefer it on meatballs.    I feel BBQ sauce ruins chicken and pork.  (So – you can all stop reading my blog now since I am a menace to society.)

 

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