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Incredible Look

27 Jul

Gotta love OKCupid instant message:

“you look good”

“Thanks.”

“i mean it tho”

Okay – unless a girl is rejecting your comment – you do not need to specify that it is sincere.  Really, all that did was make me question his sincerity.

“I assumed so much.. most people don’t waste their time with sarcastic remarks regarding looks.”   (Key phrase: most people.)

Things then very quickly became intense:

“i want to be your friend I need your friendship”

“Oh really? Why’s that?”

“well you no you have some rare and incredible look I believe you could be a good person. and i need someone like that”

Okay- for the record – I don’t have some “rare and incredible look.”   That is absolutely ridiculous.  I humored him for a few minutes, and he then gave me his phone number – which I am not going to do anything with and even told him so much.

Later that night, I had a message from him:

“hey you hot Im falling for you ok even if it does not work we could b friend.. falling for you ok…. you look is incredible with a lot of charm …what are your favorite foods?
Doh..”

D’oh is right.

 

Tawkify PANIC!

26 Jul

Oh My God – Soon2BeCatLady is posting in the morning?!  I know.. I know..  but I am freaking out.

As you probably very well know by now,  I signed up for Tawkify,  which is a pretty nifty website that I totally recommend you check out..  If nothing else, it’s FUN.   My first phone date did not go well – but the second was awesome.

The good news is –  I have been informed that Phone Date #2 has restored my faith in myself and would like to chat again – so it’s in the works for us to have another phone call.  Exciting, right!?   It is possible that phone call could be occurring today – but of course I will keep you all informed through the Twitter and my Facebook page.   (*Shameless self plug*  Haha!)

Anyway –  after a night filled with dreams of a Tawkify blind speed dating conference..  (Go figure..)  I woke up as I normally do to go to my day job.  I always check my online dating profiles to see if I missed anything hilarious overnight.

Last night,  someone who I have met before in real life visited my page.  I don’t think he actually knows who I am, because I understand my memory of people is phenomenal.. but, he was an acquaintance of a friend in high school.   He didn’t send me a message or anything, and I shrugged it off…

….Until I got in the shower…. (Absolutely nothing gross should be implied here.)  The neurons in my brain connected that this person has the same first name as Phone Date…  and the universe tends to do stuff like this to me.   (Granted,  they do have a common name… but still..)  I am freaking out!

..That is all..  just needed to put it out there..  Everyone keep their fingers crossed that this is NOT the case!!

The Intern

26 Jul

There are definitely messages out there that guys come up with (or steal)  that will work to get a response more often than not.  (This one, for example..)   A new twitter friend also recently informed me that the Adoption post from earlier this week is also one that is known to get responses.   (Ladies, we need to watch for this crap!)

Although I can’t find anything when I google search this,  this is another prime example of a form letter that will work to get a response:

“I have to be honest with you. I should be working right now but my intern was asking me about online dating and I decided to show him pof. While showing him the site, I came across your profile. He’s currently laughing at me for writing this but I had to say hi.

You should definitely email me back, if only to make me look good in front of my intern. What do ya say?”

I gave him a mere “Clever.”  as a response, and haven’t responded to his messages since then…  because, contrary to popular belief (or, because my profile states otherwise..) I am not on the East Coast.   I don’t need to be wasting anyone’s time.

I haven’t had much time to research “The Pickup Artist”  where some of these messages are coming from.. but I will be doing so, and expect a rant when I do.

Blast From the Past

25 Jul

I thank my lucky stars every day that my brain is unbelievably amazing at remembering names and faces.   It has saved me from clicking profiles on numerous occasions.

So, I was on OKCupid, and a different face popped up on my main screen.   I went to click it, and just before I did, I realized that I knew this person.  (Story of my life:  I know EVERYONE.)   It was “the boy next door” from when I was growing up.   We had gotten married in my childhood driveway when we were 5, under the oath of holy macaroni.   I have not seen my former spouse in over 13 years.

I went back and forth with my Twitter followers on whether to block or message.. and I only got feedback to send him a message, so.. I did.

“I am fairly certain you and I never officially got divorced, so I find it a littttttttle offensive that you are on this website. 😉
How the heck are ya?”

A few hours later, he visited my profile..  but, waited a good 12 hours to actually respond.  (Talk about uncomfortable!)

“I’m good. And I have the papers ready for you to sign. You’ve been a terrible wife.  HeyO!   Hope all is well.”

“Truth be told, I went for the annulment years ago.”

So – that was a fun little blast from the past.  It’s been a few days now, so I suspect that is the end of our conversation…  but, glad to know he’s finally over me.  (Haha!)

I Won The Lottery?

24 Jul

Velvet here..

“Um,.. hi, My name is Mark and set up this profile thingey never to meet anyone unless they were bhave as hell and it was designed for diasster with any normal dickweed delinquent like yourself.  According to our judges yuo have won the Marko LOTTO!!!”

I love that he can spell delinquent, but disaster is another story… but, is he really calling me a “normal dickweed delinquent?”    That sentence doesn’t really make any sense.

Lucky lucky lucky me!

That Sounds Sticky

23 Jul

“you lookin purdy damn hot. let me take you to my cabin and poor some budlight on that body 😉 We’ll git er dun”

First of all – don’t even get me started on “git er dun.”   I can’t stand it.

I cannot possibly be the only female on the planet who isn’t really a fan of getting beer poured all over her.   I am trying to determine if he meant the budlight bath to cool me off, or to attempt to sound sexy.   Either way, I am pretty sure that would be considered alcohol abuse.

Is That Even Possible?

22 Jul

“Yeah, OK. I read it all. I us3d to promise a one hour orasim, but lately have had to cut it back to 45 minutes. Think you could handle that?”

I can only imagine that “orasim” means orgasm, but someone is either drunk, high or stupid – especially with using a 3 instead of e…  But,  let’s pretend for a second that we weren’t making fun of him –  is a 45 minute orgasm even humanly possible?  Or is he highly confused as to what that actually is?

Regardless –  no thanks.

Swagga’

21 Jul

I got a message today on the Meat Market from someone who, according to his user name, thinks he has “Swagga.”   I don’t know if that is generally something people want themselves defined as – but, to each his own.

“U r adorable..and i like what u said in ur profile..do we have to date to enjoy and have fun..im a prty guy also love corona and or remmie..and only good green cush and purp..i like big trucks and and 4wheelers in the mud.. i like out doors but also like to just smoke drink and if i click with the perso. Long periods of sex. Good mutual pleasured sex….so thats sum of me in a nutshell..anything else just ask”

I will throw out there once again that I can be pretty naive,  but I am not quite sure what he means by “green cush and purp.”   Is that a drug reference?

But – oh my goodness – he is a MAN who likes SEX?!   (And one who would prefer to skip the dating part and go right to it?)    That is unheard of.   Madness, I tell you,  utter madness!  I have never encountered such a thing before in any of my lives.  He must be lying,  all the men I know hate sex.

Oh America – what’s wrong with you?  Our poor, poor future.

“Wanna Chat?”

20 Jul

I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I should be responding to more of the stupid messages I get, because they make for great stories.  (I will note that this is on my out of town page that I request a big strong man capable of mowing my lawn and shoveling my driveway..)

“Hey wanna chat?”

“About?”

“About what you want to do on our first date.”

“That’s a little bold, don’t you think?”

“Not really. This is a dating site we are both on”

“Just because two people are on a dating website doesn’t necessarily mean they will date.”

(Especially if they live a handful of states away..)

“You are absolutely correct, but wouldn’t you like to go on a date with an older successful man who can shovel snow and mow lawns or hire mexicans to do either?”

Wow…. I made an executive decision at this point to stop wasting my time, and his for that matter, and didn’t respond.

“I hope I didn’t offend you. You are not mexican are you? I love mexicans, by the way. The truth is we should go on a date because I think you’re very cute.”

I don’t really understand asking people their ethnicity when they have photos of themselves up.  I am practically albino with how pale skinned I am.. there is no need to ask me if I am Mexican, I am clearly not.

I still didn’t respond.. I don’t need to be called fat or ugly when I turn him down, because I certainly am not taking a plane ride to meet this charmer.

“Where have you gone, my little tulip? Where fore art thou?”

Haha – now he thinks he is a master of the English language..  that’s cute.

 

My 2nd Tawkify Phone Date

19 Jul

Wow – my 2nd Tawkify experience was SO much better than the first one!   We actually had a conversation about a very similar interest we have (as well as a few other topics), and the 10 minute conversation went by so unbelievably fast and cut me off mid sentence.

While it’s frustrating, because I totally want to talk to him again –  That’s what I really like about Tawkify that I didn’t get to experience with the first phone call.    The wait.   Was I equally as interesting?  I get to torture myself for the following week, and it will make me feel alive.  While it’s annoying, I am excited about it.

We did spend about a minute talking about OKCupid.   He had said he is on there as well, and we both wondered out loud if we have ever chatted on there before.   He said it would have been pretty awkward if he had messaged me before and I didn’t respond.   I told him “Well, if you wrote ‘Hi, how are you?’  I most likely ignored you.”    He told me I should give him a bit more credit than that because he would have written “You’re hot.”    (I am just assuming he uses proper spelling and grammar.)

So.. more to come on that..

****

One other thing I wanted to mention, completely off topic..

I work with Velvet, and she came to my desk today and said “I DID IT!”  I looked at her very confused and she continued, “I have an OKCupid date on Friday…. with my 99% ENEMY!”

I am equally as excited about this as she is..  and she has promised to guest blog about it… So – even more reasons to stay tuned!

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