Tag Archives: online dating

Punctuation Implied

26 Dec

While I am sorry in advance for what you’re about to read, please know that I wouldn’t put you through this if I didn’t think it was worth it.

“Hey I am Chris you have a great smile I love your hair very pretty eyes cute face I am 29 as of dec 4th I have 2 cats im athletic 6ft 1 I love the outdoors I have my own apartment honesty trust and loyalty are important to me when it comes to friendship or relationship sorry im a little shy because of what happened the last time i was on this site but anyways I hope your having a wonderful day and weekend if I knew where you were I would send you flowers on a silver platter with a special note (Would the special note have punctuation?  If so, I might take you up on that.)  but for now id love to be your friend and get to know you and provide you with a great guy in your life for a change (Uhh, excuse me.. All of the guys in my life are great.  How dare you?!)  even if we never become more than just friends I will be the best friend I can be and someone you can turn to for help or if your feeling down well I hope you get this ad I hope to hear from you soon :)”

“Goodness.  What happened last time?”

Yes, that is what I got from that hot mess of a message.

“you stopped replying for some reason im excited to get to know you better so whats your number so we can text and I will end you some pics as well ??”

Oh my God, he knows what a question mark is!!

“I’m confused, we’ve never messaged before.”

“thought you did why did you ask what happened before then?”

“You said you were shy because of what happened last time you were on this site.  Haven’t you read your form letter in awhile?”

“oh yes I dated this girl on here for 3 months until she was comfortable enough to tell me where she lived once I found out I decided to show up to her house one day without her knowing to surprise her so I go to her house and knock on the door and a guy answered so i said hey can you get your sister for me tell her her boyfriend is here apparently he was dating her and she didn’t tell me she also didn’t tell him about me so he said yeah holdon i heard arguing and after a bit he opened the door and stabbed me and told me to stay away from his gf so ever sence then ive bee skeptical about this site and the girls that use it”

For those that read better with punctuation:   He chatted with a girl online for 3 months, and then showed up to her place unannounced. He thought her boyfriend, who answered the door, was her brother, and then was allegedly stabbed.  He is now skeptical of online dating.

“Wow.  That’s… something.  Sorry to hear that.”

I mean, what do you even say to that?   I’m sure that he didn’t want to hear that I thought he was the psycho for showing up to her place.

“oh its ok your not a killer are you lol jk”

“You never can tell these days.”

“true now that we are this far what are you looking for we can be friends but meeting you would be important to me?”

“I would not be comfortable with that.”

“ok so whats your number so i can text you?”

“I’m not giving you my number.”

“you mean not yet?”

I can say with confidence that I mean not ever.  I’d rather take a boatload of cats.

Don’t Do Lunch!!

13 Nov

Cat Sushi

When it comes to your first in-person meet-up, learn from my mistakes and DO NOT GO TO LUNCH.  (Or dinner.)  You really don’t know if you will have good chemistry with someone, and eating a meal is a big awkward event if you don’t click, or they’re weird.  I don’t know why I continue to make this same mistake over and over, but – I’m a sucker for sushi.  So, when Charming Tinder Fellow suggested we meet for a sushi lunch date, I broke my rule.

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“Your Mother Will LOVE Me!”

2 Nov

I’d advise being a little skeptical when a man’s dating profile says that he’s a gentleman more than once, and that your mother will love him.

“you look adorable.  iid love to talk sometime”

I don’t know why I bothered.

“About what?”

“anything,  you.. what you like to do for fun, etc  im curious  to know more”

Everyone knows by now that I HATE the “what do you like to do for fun?” question.  This was also sent at a bad time, so I did honestly forget to respond.. but, I wasn’t interested anyway.   He followed up a few days later with a question mark.

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Can’t Win For Losing

14 Sep

i quit

I think we all know by now that I take online dating with a grain of salt, and I certainly believe you should do the same.  Don’t set any expectations, and therefore you won’t be disappointed.

As all my single friends know, Tinder is an interesting beast (and seriously, don’t pay for it!)  in that most people you match with on Tinder never send a message.  What is that about?!  I’ve indirectly told you I find you nice to look at- you have nothing to lose!

About a week ago, I matched with a really attractive guy – and he sent a message!

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Ashley Madison Hack

21 Aug

AshMadAffair

Gentlemen of the world, I really hope that statistic isn’t true.  (And we know that the “100% Secure – Completely Anonymous” part is now B.S.)

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, by now you probably know that AshleyMadison.com, the website that encourages “Life is short. Have an affair.” was hacked and millions of user’s information has been leaked to the world wide web.

I wanted to share some words, thoughts, and some rules, for this whole ordeal..

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Tasty Pussy

8 Jul

photolibrary_rm_photo_of_cat_licking_chops

I feel bad for any future sons that I may have.  I’m pretty sure “Mama CatLady” is going to sit down with them after high school graduation and discuss what is appropriate and not appropriate to discuss with complete strangers.  I think it’s safe to assume that this 27 year old’s mother (and many other mothers out there..) never did that:

“I bet you have a tasty pussy.”

There were oh-so many places I could go with this..

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I Don’t Want to Brag..

6 Jul

“Helloo,

my name is David. im living in memomenie.  (I’m pretty sure that’s not what it’s called..)

well i have read your profile and watch your photos. (Oh geez, David!  I hope it didn’t take you too long to watch them.  They don’t move, or anything.)

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A Story For the Grandkids

29 Apr

hellokitty

I apologize for not blogging much lately, I have been taking a mental health break from the madness that is online dating.  Sometimes it gets to be too much, ya know?  However, I have still been practicing my flirting skills and chatting up complete strangers, as that is what I do.

Today’s story is one that I imagine would be a cute story to tell the grandchildren.

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Play By The Tinder Rules

23 Mar

Tinder Match!Apparently there are Tinder rules that I have not been following..

“Hey CatLady, we matched.  What do we do now?  I think we are supposed to hook up?”

“I thought we were supposed to get married.”

“Let’s fuck first.”

Classy..

“Nah.”

“This is a hookup site you know??”

“Actually, it’s a dating app.  And – even if you were accurate, that doesn’t mean I’m required to hook up with you.”

“It actually is a requirement that you hookup.”

Damn.. Makes me regret swiping right for EVERYONE. — I did contemplate telling him that I am one of the founders of Tinder, and that he is incorrect.. but decided against it.

“Oh.. Well, you’ll have to wait in line then.  You’re number 2549.”

“You are not following the rules, please hookup with me?”

“If you’re still semi-attractive in 7 years after I’ve hooked up with those ahead of you, I’ll let you know.”

“I’m reporting you”

“Okay.”

So, sounds like I’m gonna be busy for the next 7 years..  Or be a rebellious rule-breaker.

Sometimes You Need to Fight Fire With Fire

22 Mar

bridezilla-wedding-stress

I apologize that this is a long one, (That’s what he said.)   but after reading it aloud to some friends,  I am convinced it needs to be shared.  I am not normally in the market to mess with people..  but, sometimes you need to fight crazy with crazier… You’ll see.

This is easily one of my top ten posts on this blog, if not top five.  You’d really be doing yourself a disservice if you don’t click to read more!

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