Boob Pockets

22 Apr

Sometimes online dating messages aren’t creepy at all..  but this is NOT one of those times:

“I love you so much I want to take you skin and make it into a jacket.  Ps I would turn your boobs backwards and the would be really big pockets imagine the stuff I could fit into thos puppies!!!!!”

Cats.. I’m going to die alone with lots and lots of cats.

 

And The Oscar Goes To..

19 Apr

This form letter/dating cover letter made me laugh:

“Hi I hope your having a good and blessed week and enjoying this awesome weather  , I’m glad we upgraded on the weather.  It about time lol and I like your profile, it defiantly deserve a oscar lol and also you look amazing in your photos. I’m [Name] by the way :)”

Other than defiantly deserving “a” oscar, this makes me laugh because this “upgrade on the weather” he speaks of?  – 14 inches of snow.  Upgraded..  Ha!

How NOT to Win a Girlfriend

17 Apr

I am quite certain that this individual may be single for life:

“Hi. I’m usually not into rubenesque women, nor have I gone steady with a Lutheran, so I would like o say hi; since you’re pretty hot.”

“What?”

(The dictionary tells me that Rubenesque means:  plump or rounded in a pleasing or attractive way.   …Thanks, I guess?)

“Hi.  Thanks for the unusually fast reply. It was very fast. I take it from your response that it’s already late in the night and you’ve got your beer goggles set to stun, not that you need it, so I guess if you could just ad me to your booty call list, and/or rebound list; then I would be happy to get with you at your house at some future time to work on the plumbing or other issues.  I could even order gourmet neopolitan pizza if you so wished or such. Well, thank you for your time and good luck.”

….What?!

Interesting approach.. I would not recommend trying this one at home.

Are Men Complimented Enough?

13 Apr

Last week on the podcast, I briefly mentioned this article that I had found on my Facebook news feed.   I ask that you read it as homework for our follow up podcast on the matter.

If you are lazy – I shall summarize:  This is seemingly written by a man, who claims that guys don’t have it as easy as us gals think.  Imagine a world where you are never gawked at, complimented, etc. when the media tells you that you are ugly.  Apparently, that’s the experience of life for the man-folk.

The article also suggests “Tell a moderately attractive man that he’s attractive tomorrow in whatever way feels appropriate to you. It’s likely it’ll be the first time he’s heard it from a woman with whom he’s not in a relationship in a long while, possibly ever.”

I don’t want to tell you my thoughts on this article, because on Wednesday night (10PM Eastern, 9PM Central) we will be discussing this on the podcast. But –  I want to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Additionally, LADIES..  Regardless of your thoughts on this article,  I’d ask a favor that you do as the article suggests at least once, and let me know how it went.   I have done so since the last podcast at least once a day, and will continue to do so until Wednesday.  (Oh, and are there ever some fun stories already with that experiment..)

Save the Whales

4 Apr

I hate it when someone sends a first online dating message with a yes or no question.  So much so, that I rarely respond.  However, I was curious to see where he was going with this:

“Do you like whales?”

“Sure.”

“Wanna humpback at your place then?”

I’ll give him a point for cleverness, even though I doubt it was an original.  But, of course, my answer was:

“Oh.. No, thank you.  I doubt you have a large enough harpoon for such things.”

He either was going for reaction, or hates that I am funnier than he is.  Our interaction stopped completely after that.

I promise there are normal people online dating too,  they are just no fun to write about.

What’s a Sloppy Toppy?

28 Mar

And, of course, more fun in online dating:

“Give that sloppy toppy?”

I have no idea what sloppy toppy means.. I have a feeling I should probably be offended, but I am not sure why.

“What?”

“hey do you live on a chicken farm by chance”

He didn’t answer my question, but I’m invested at this point to at least see what on earth he’s going to say.   I figured most girls probably tell him no, considering we’re in a non-farm area..

“Yes.”

“Oh bc u sure know how to raise a cock”

Ba dum bum.

 

Uffdah – Dontcha Know?

25 Mar

This last week has been a whirlwind.

Sometimes life throws just the most awesome and terrifying lemons at you.

Last Monday, a long-time fan of my blog who happens to know the area in which I reside, suggested on Twitter that I date Ben, a local radio host.  Why?  - I will never know.   I joked back about being nearby (I will not confirm or deny that I may commonly be within walking distance of said radio studio), and the co-host of the show started interacting with me, agreeing that I should meet Ben.  I laughed it off and went about my day, brushing it off.

The next morning,  I woke up to a message from the co-host:

“Can I meet you today?”  (And he specified a location, but not important to the story..)

“Sure.. I’ll be the one with 7 cats.”

“I’ll be the guy with my face.”

I can count on one hand how many times I have been legitimately nervous in my entire life.   I’ve added a finger in the last week.   I don’t have a solid reason why I was nervous, I’ve met plenty of near-strangers before.  I think it was more because I had no idea why a local radio host would want to meet me.

I went to the specified place at the specified time, and met Jack.  He told me about their morning show, and essentially asked me what I thought about coming on the show and talking about my blog.   While part of me inside screamed “HECK YES!” (I mean, my “About Me” says I’m up for radio spots..) another part of me became sick to my stomach.   Doing this would mean giving up a little piece of my anonymity (location, specifically) – and would require me to present my blog to people in my life that I know listen to that station.

The cat’s out of the bag –  I’m in the Minneapolis/St. Paul Twin Cities metro. (Dontcha know?)

Friday morning,  I presented my 5 “Don’t for Dudes” on Up And At ‘Em with Jack and Ben, with a surprise ending.  (I may or may not be asked out.. you’ll have to listen to find out.. and listen this upcoming Friday to hear how it went!)

I think sometimes nerves are a sign that something big is going to happen.  Maybe not.. but if nothing else,  it’s a great story to add to the collection.

Sometimes, instead of throwing life’s lemons back, you need to attempt to put some vodka in those suckers.  Take a chance — Life’s much more fun that way.

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