3 Mar

(Yes, I am going Crazy Cat Lady like about this.  I am now updating again for what feels like the 100th time.  My most recent updates are in BOLD.)

Everyone’s favorite time-suck smartphone app Tinder launched a new update today advertising their highly anticipated “Rewind” feature.  Swiped left for the hottie by mistake?   Go back and fix it! (Instead of deleting the app, and starting from scratch.)  What Tinder failed to mention was that “this feature ain’t free, yo.”

Don’t get me wrong, I am ALL ABOUT companies being able to make a buck.  I’d like to do the same someday.  I would like to go on record and let you know that it does NOT bother me that Tinder is charging for premium upgrades.  That makes sense, and is totally allowed.  Their employees need to eat. I do not care that they are incorporating ads, and took away unlimited likes. 

My beef is that I looked into TinderPlus and was quoted $19.99, as shown below, and other users were being charged less, also shown below.

TinderPlus for the LOW LOW price of $19.99 per month

TinderPlus for the LOW LOW price of $19.99 per month

Honestly, I was a bit surprised.  $19.99 PER MONTH for a hook-up app that has thus far proven to be a big joke?  It seemed a bit excessive, so I took to the Twitter.  (Are you following me on Twitter?   No?  You should get on that.  @Soon2BeCatLady)  What I found out on Twitter was that some people were seeing THIS:

TinderPlus for the LOW LOW price of $9.99

TinderPlus for the LOW LOW price of $9.99

Wait.. What?  Not that $9.99 per month is some great deal, because it’s not.  (I think a fair price would be $5.00 per month.  – If I ran Tinder, that’s what I would charge.)  But, why am I getting ripped off?  Luckily, the internet is a wonderful thing, and Tinder did some interviews where they essentially claimed that users 30+ can afford to pay more, and in focus groups, were told that us “over the hill 30+ ers” would pay that much for these great features:    Unlimited likes, which until today was free, the “rewind” feature, turn off ads, and the option to change your location without actually changing your physical location.    (I definitely paraphrased here. There are countless articles that quote Tinder’s spokesperson, who said younger people are more financially constrained and need a lower price point to pull the trigger.)

Aside from Tinder now being a bunch of ageist assholes.. Let’s talk about this last nifty paid feature of changing one’s location.  Is that not completely rude to anyone who decides to pay for this?   Let’s say I fork over $19.99 per month for TinderPlus, which believe you me I will not!   Super Hot Stud Muffin shows up and I swipe right, he swipes right, and it’s love at first swipe..  Turns out he is half a country away, or perhaps in another country completely.  How is this fair?  The chances aren’t very likely that we will ever be able to meet up.  It’s really not fair to anyone but the jerkwad who decided s/he wanted to mess with the heart of someone far away.

As I type this, I see another tweet where someone is offered TinderPlus at $4.99 per month.  Maybe they’re 12 or something.  (**Update, I’ve now seen screenshots as low as $2.99 per month, and as high as $24.99 per month.  This is utter nonsense.  Based on what I have read, in the U.S. price should either be $9.99 if you are under age 30, or $19.99 if you are older than dirt.  A friend of mine who is local to me is offered premium services at $4.99 per month.  She states she has had Tinder for roughly two and a half weeks.  I can’t find any information on the random pricing.)

Tinder just got very political, you guys.  If this pricing system works, other companies will follow suit. Can you imagine as you physically mature having to pay more for milk, food, clothing, cars, heat? The same thing that someone younger than you can buy at a cheaper price?   Simply because since you are older, you should be able to afford it.   What if I act younger than I am?  Do I get a price break?

Someone on Twitter asked if I avoid restaurants that offer a senior discount.   No, that is asinine, and completely different.  A senior menu item at a restaurant is less food than the normal menu, and prices are clearly defined.  I gave Tinder access to my Facebook page when the app was new, which gave them my age, which they are now using against me. 

Let’s change the scenario a bit.  Imagine pulling up into the gas station to fill your car up with gas.  It asks you to swipe your driver’s license, and then gives you the price of gas based on your age.  If you’re 16, you probably only have a part time job,  gas is $.50 per gallon.   If you’re 30, gas is $4.99 per gallon, because you probably have a decent paying job and understand the value of driving.   You’re getting the exact same amount of product – does that not piss you off?

If we aren’t LOUD about this, how everything is priced in the future could be on this system.   Is that a tad dramatic?  Maybe.  But wouldn’t you rather err on the side of caution?

I vote that we #BoycottTinder until the price for their not-amazing features is $4.99 or less for everyone, regardless of age. Who’s with me!?

My Tinder account has been deleted, and the app has been uninstalled,  I encourage you to do the same.

My Eyes Are Bleeding

1 Mar

It’s safe to presume that I find this opening online dating message I received to be a bit graphic.  I’ve been online dating for almost 4 years now, and I am still floored by what people think is okay to send to a complete stranger.

“Hi I just signed up today (well resigned up)  I’ll be honest It has been a few months since my last encounter.  I do like to start out giving oral if you are in to that and fingering.  I like to try getting my partner an orgasm be for the real deal. (How considerate..)  this can take about 10-20min depending on were your “G” spot s and how sensitive you are.  (Apparently I got a message from God’s gift to women.) Let me know if you are interested or not.  I wold like some common curtsy (…) as a message back even if you are not interested. I f  you do reply back with a no, I will not push the subject. :D”

Who wrote this for you?  A seven year old?  Good Lord.

I certainly don’t believe people who send this sort of message deserve any “common curtsy”, I really wanted to indicate that his message was not appreciated.

“And now my eyes are bleeding.. Thank you for the sexual assault.  Have a nice life.”

He must have sent his form letter to a bunch of ladies, as it appears as though he was reported and removed from the website.  I would bet the majority of females out there don’t appreciate being treated like a piece of meat.  Keep that in mind, fellas.

Play By The Tinder Rules

13 Feb

Apparently there are Tinder rules that I have not been following..

“Hey CatLady, we matched.  What do we do now?  I think we are supposed to hook up?”

“I thought we were supposed to get married.”

“Let’s fuck first.”



“This is a hookup site you know??”

“Actually, it’s a dating app.  And – even if you were accurate, that doesn’t mean I’m required to hook up with you.”

“It actually is a requirement that you hookup.”

Damn.. Makes me regret swiping right for EVERYONE. — I did contemplate telling him that I am one of the founders of Tinder, and that he is incorrect.. but decided against it.

“Oh.. Well, you’ll have to wait in line then.  You’re number 2549.”

“You are not following the rules, please hookup with me?”

“If you’re still semi-attractive in 7 years after I’ve hooked up with those ahead of you, I’ll let you know.”

“I’m reporting you”


So, sounds like I’m gonna be busy for the next 7 years..  Or be a rebellious rule-breaker.


9 Feb

More from the files of “Online Dating is so damn difficult for normal people because idiots have flooded the market.”

“Hey can i ask your opinion on something”


“I know this is random. Please take no offense and no im not asking for one.  What is your opinion on threesomes”

Yes, that is a random question, 20 year old boy from Georgia.  Why are you bothering me?  This better be for a school project.

“Personally, I am against them.”

“Jealous type?  Lol”

“No.  Are you done?”

“I reckom..”

For anyone out there trying to legitimately online date, I’m sorry that boys like this give the rest of you a bad name.


Was I Just Compared to Batman?

27 Jan

What a suave form letter:

“Not gonna lie.You’re a beautiful, young woman and obviously you’ve accomplished a lot in your short life. (I find this especially funny as he is younger than me..)  But there’s also something accessible and human that comes through.  It’s like:  even Batman takes shits.  I would love to chat with you.  Please, let me know if you want to or not. :)”

Did he just basically tell me that I am Batman.. and make reference to pooping?

School-Girl Fantasy Much?

24 Jan

“do you have any knee high socks”

I can only imagine that this “suitor” has some sort of school-girl fantasy that he wishes to fulfill.   Or, perhaps his junk is just too big for regular socks..

“Yes, I do.  Do you need to borrow them?”

I have it on OKCupid’s authority that he read this message.. but then he deactivated his account.

What’s the score now?  CatLady – 510,  Douchebags – 0?


22 Jan

“Hi pretty lady….And funny too. Lol. I think I’m in love allready2 for you or me at least I got to read your bio . I would.  Will write to you more.  Soon if you want me to…… I want to too. Lol. Have a great day ok. ..”

I guess I’ll wait for him to write again..

I Don’t Share.

13 Jan

Full Disclosure:  This blog post is likely going to offend someone out there.  If that’s you, and you want to clarify/discuss/yell at me –  It’s pretty easy to get in contact with me.

The other day, I came across a guy online dating who I really liked.  He was charming, witty and adorable.  We discussed boring first dates that we are both fed up with, our jobs and the first things we’d do when we win the lottery. Half way into our hour long discussion, he suggested that we meet up at some point and I was quick to agree that I was up for that.

We continued chatting, and I asked him how he could possibly be this amazing and single, besides?  Maybe I wouldn’t die alone with cats after all.

“Well.. I’m not exactly single.”

Ugh.  As it turns out, he and his girlfriend are poly-amorous.  (Meaning: They are both free to see and/or sleep with other people, no problem.)

I will be the first to admit that I do not understand that mindset in the slightest, so I asked some questions.  Most notably:  “Don’t you ever get jealous?”  which was answered with a “Not really, we have a ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ arrangement.”

Ick.  Nothing feels right about this at all.   When he asked when I wanted to meet up, I told him that I didn’t want to anymore.  I think what angers me the most about this whole situation is that he then tried to pressure me.  I think I understand why he tried to pressure me into meeting – I would assume it’s much easier for her to find other partners than him.. I could be wrong.   I explained that no matter how this goes, it ends badly:

I could decide to adopt this philosophy temporarily (which, I could never..)  and the jealousy would immediately kick in.  “You got a promotion at work?  That’s great!  Does the other woman know?  You told her first? Oh..”  (I would not be able to do the “Don’t Ask” bit well..)  And at some point, I’d want to be married and have a husband who does not see other people.  Either I end up hurt because this would never be, or the current girlfriend gets hurt.

I could go against my gut and meet him for the sake of meeting him.  (This one is more realistic.) Given that I would never be a part of a poly-amorous relationship, what likely would happen is that we’d get along great and have good chemistry — and I’d end up hurt.  When I brought this one up, he tried to debunk my “feeling hurt” because he would feel hurt, also.  I reminded him that he would have loving arms to snuggle into.  (All I’d have are my imaginary cats.)

Here’s where I am probably going to tick some people off:     Dating is difficult.  It is not easy to find someone who you understands you and wants to be with you (and vice versa!)  Honestly, I find it insulting that there are people out there who find someone that they mesh well with, want to be with, and yet somehow think they are entitled to more.  What makes you so deserving of more love and affection?  (This goes for cheaters, as well.) They’ve just made more competition for those of us struggling to find just one person.   It’s also insulting to essentially be asked to be 2nd place in someone’s life (aside from children, of course.)

#$*!@^  Cats, here I come.

Plan B? More like Plan Fail.

1 Jan

“Plan b?”

“Lol. What?”

“Haha OK’s your night going”

“No no no.  You explain yourself.”  (I was curious to see how he plan-b’d to dig himself out of this..)

“Aight” (and then he listed his telephone number.)


“Ok I’ll try to explain.. it was a joke plan b is the morning after pill..”

“Yes, I am aware of that.”

“It was a joke proposition..”  (Duh.)


“Well now that were past that hows your night going”

“I don’t know.. Some guy just used Plan B as a joke to attempt to pick me up or something.”

“That guy sounds like a douche I hope you told him to beat it”

….Happy New Year, I guess.


I Have No Time For You.

3 Dec


I am going to be very honest.

I am doing a crazy finance internship at the moment, so i don’t have the time to go on dates  (or capitalize all of my ‘I’s), but I am attracted to you.

I love seeing a woman orgasm, and I want to see it on your face.  It makes me feel great and it is just really beautiful.

I know women need more time to get turn on than men do, so I am sorry i don’t have more of my time to give you. 

I love and respect women (do you?!) and I don’t judge them for enjoying sex as much or more than men. (My goodness, how kind!)

If you ever want my company just text me.  (Okay.. number?) I know there is a time each month when you cannot stop thinking about your need to be filled, and wished you had an attractive man to take care of you. (This guy= MIND READER.)  We can meet at your place, talk and flirt for some time and then have sex or not, depending on how you feel.  If you want to jump me right away I will still make you wait, that’s just more exciting for me. (But you love and respect women?)  We can also meet near your place to talk first if that makes you more comfortable.  (Ah.. there’s that respect he was talking about!)

If the chemistry between us is good and you want to see me again or get into a relationship, I am very open to the idea.  (“Keep in mind, I have no time for this.”??)  The more I get to know and like a girl, the more I enjoy making love to her and giving her orgasms.

Finally, you have no reason to be shy about the whole thing.  You are really not the first girl who wants to meet me after this message :) (I’ll bet you twenty dollars on that one, my friend..)


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,855 other followers